An Open Sky

Chapter Eleven ~Aidan~

My tears could be the rain. At least they blended with the rest of the actual rain that was joining in on the trail down my cheeks. I just had to find a way to erase the redness of my sad eyes. I hadn’t cried this much since her funeral. What’s going on with me? I passed the store window and stopped to look at myself. I could see people dining inside the one and only Rexford Store and Diner. I didn’t care if they saw me or not. I didn’t care what they thought. I’d given up on people a long time ago.  

                I examined every inch of my body, from my ripped jeans to my messed up hair that was sticking out all over the place. I glanced down at my mud-covered Osiris tennis shoes. They used to be black and red. I ran my hand down over my hair to try and flatten it out so I didn’t appear so much like a boy who lives in the woods. I looked at the dirt smeared across my face and turned my gaze up to meet my eyes, ignoring the people who were starting to look up at me through the glass. I looked like I was possessed my eyes were so red. I couldn’t break the stare that I had on myself. Pathetic. I’m pathetic.

                I walked through the door and bee-lined straight to the bathroom. I locked the door and leaned up against the sink, placing my hands on the smooth edges. I glared at myself. You’re nothing. You can’t even take care of yourself and you think you can save her? You think she’ll ever love you? You’re a fool. A fool who’s too afraid to even go home. I let my head hang down on my shoulders. I couldn’t look at myself anymore. I didn’t even recognize who I was, who I’d become.

                I pushed myself off of the sink and pulled a small toothbrush and a small bottle of toothpaste out of my pocket. I brushed my teeth until my gums started to bleed from the force I was using. I spit the mixture of toothpaste and blood into the sink and turned the water on. I bent over and let the cool water come into my mouth and wash away the dirt, wash away everything I’ve ever said. I wished it was that simple.  I let the water run over my dirty face and rinse out my hair.

                I turned off the water and looked up at myself. I watched each individual drop fall off my face and back into the sink. I imagined being that one drop and travelling through the pipes until I joined the rest of them down in the sewer or wherever the water from this sink went. I imagined being released from the small, crowded pipe into a lake or stream. I imagined flowing freely, wherever I wanted too. I could finally be cleansed. But then someone like me comes along and infects the drops with their putrid skin.

                There was a knock on the door. “Just a minute!” I called out to whoever was knocking.

                I grabbed a handful of paper towels and started to dry my hair. When it was dry enough for people to look at me and not think that I just washed my hair in the sink, I ran my hands back through it so it wasn’t sticking up and opened the door.

                There were at least three men waiting in line, staring at me. I apologized for taking so long and quickly slipped through the racks of food and other various items to the back door where I let myself back out onto the road. That’s when I saw her. She was distant, just a silhouette, but I knew her walk. I knew it was her.

                She was heading to the Frontier Bar. Good thing I’m not working today, I thought. I figured now would be a good time to waste time by checking out what new items the store had shipped in since I’d last visited, or maybe I could grab something in the diner section of the building. I had time to burn before she came back out and knowing Dale; he’d keep her there for hours if he could.

I turned around and made my way back through the door.