An Open Sky

Chapter Forty-Eight ~Alexa~

I had become the girl of my nightmares. I was the one stabbed. Jay was the one hunting me. I ran, but I was always caught. I would never beat him.

                Aidan. Aidan was the one that came to me, watched me bleed out, cried for me. It hurt me to know I hurt him. My tears would fall, the wounds would fade, but Aidan would still be there crying. I’d never seen so much sadness in a face before.

                I’d die every time. It was inevitable. I’d wake up wanting Aidan to be with me more than ever. That was also inevitable.

                Instead I turned to find Jay sleeping peacefully a few feet away. It’d been days, and I still didn’t understand why he did it. Maybe he didn’t want to kill me at all. Maybe he just wanted me to be with him like he’d asked of me. Maybe Aidan was wrong.

                 I didn’t know what I liked about Aidan at all. Jay was more of my type. Maybe I just needed to accept it and love him for it. Maybe he just took me out of a bad situation to be with him. Isn’t that what I’d spent so many nights up on my bed dreaming about? I didn’t want to see Aidan again…at least that was what I was trying to convince myself.

                Maybe I wouldn’t be like that girl from the cliché movies, the one that always chose the wrong guy to get hurt later. But then I opened my eyes and looked around me. I was trapped, held captive by the man I thought I loved. I was more than hurt. I was more than the cliché girl. Thinking that he shoved me in the trunk of his car out of love was pathetic, but it was me.   

                Aidan entered my mind like a terminal cancer. Once I thought of him, just his name, simple letters, he infected my whole brain. My mind craved him, my body wanted him. I couldn’t get away. No one could help me.

                I pictured him tangled in the bushes, how I’d first seen him. I thought of how innocent, how scared he looked, how scarred he was, the blood on his face. I thought of wanting to touch him, but knowing better. I remember wishing I’d left all my standards behind at Melrose.

                I pictured his eyes. I thought of the sad, horrific story they told, and how they lit up when he was looking at his drawings; how they lit up when I was looking at his drawings. I hadn’t known her. I hadn’t seen them together. But I knew their love was real. I respected him for that. I wanted love like that. Love is impossible now. The world is too corrupted to see with open eyes like Aidan could. Aidan’s beautiful green eyes…just like the wolf contained.

                They were both secluded from nature, yet closer to nature than any one of us. I thought of how I felt when Aidan looked at me in the hospital room. He was lost, just like the lone wolf. I had the urge to help both of them, but I didn’t. I let them suffer. I let the world shun them, avoid them, leave them to die. And through it all, they were quiet. They listened to the world as it is not how everyone has made it with their thoughts and words. Neither of them could have cared less. And I loved him for it. I wondered if the sensation I was feeling felt the same to Aidan when he was in love.

                I thought of his warning to me. I remembered his confession to me. He loved me at one point. I wondered if it was the same love he’d felt before, or if he just wanted me to listen to him. To Aidan, it was like nothing else mattered in the world, but keeping me safe. I’d brushed him off like an insect.

                Tears once again burned my wound and warmed my cheeks. It was ironic how such a warm feeling could come from such a cold one.   

                The sun was just starting to make the red-brown curtains glow. I wondered how much time I’d have alone to think before Jay would wake up. I wondered how much time I’d still have to want Aidan, before being forced to be with Jay.

                I’d never wanted anyone so badly before. I’d never been the one to admit it. I’d also never thought I’d want to see Aidan again, or be with him at all. I’d convinced myself I’d hated him.

                I shifted to watch the sun rise through the curtains, wondering if he was watching the same one.