What I Love About You | boyxboy

Chapter 14

The principal offered to let me go home, but what was the point in that? I could have gone to the hospital, but what was the point in that? My mind just didn't seem to work properly as I traveled through the halls back to my classroom. Everyone was silent as I entered. I wasn't sure what look I had, but if it was anything compared to the way I was feeling, it wasn't great.

Our teacher stared at me with a concerned look plastered on his otherwise neutral face. It was probably the first time I'd ever seen emotion on him before. Ignoring that, I went back to my seat and buried my head in my arms. I couldn't really tell what I was feeling. Anger? Well, yes, but not exactly. It was like one big mesh of emotions carelessly thrown into a huge pot and mixed together. Everything became the same it was difficult to discern any of the emotions I was feeling. It was just... one big mess.

A few hours went by, or maybe that's just how I perceived it, when I felt a gentle tap on my forearm. I didn't bother putting my head up. Realistically, I couldn't. My eyes hurt and I knew that at any moment I could start balling like a child. The tapping went on a second time. Then a third time. Until finally it was replaced with the ever more annoying voice of Taylor Henry.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Somehow without looking up I knew that everyone was facing us. Well, me. "Sen?"

"Shut the fuck up." I tried to speak, but the words were muffled against my sleeve and probably distorted from swallowing back all my tears.

He still wouldn't let up. "Are you sure?"

"Sen, are you feeling sick?" The teacher spoke up.

I rose my head. "I'm not. I'm just tired."

Taylor leaned forward. "You look like your about to cry."

Do I? "I'm... fine." Didn't I tell him to leave me alone? Everything was getting foggy. She's been shot... she could have died... we could have lost everything... what are we going to do now? In the end everything was going to be taken from us anyway by a man we didn't even know the face of. "What the hell?" I face palmed, lowering myself to the surface of the desk.

Our teacher finally stood up and made his way over to us, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Sen, you can step out."

I stood up, grabbing my backpack to follow him out of the room. I could feel everyone's gazes on me, even with my head down and observing the carpeted floor. Once we were outside the teacher closed the door to lean against it. "Sen, what happened?"

At first it was difficult to speak. My mind hadn't exactly gotten up to the idea of it yet. All this time I'd been so concerned about leaving Emy alone at the apartment with those creeps stalking the alleys that when I realized I hadn't even considered my mother out there alone, walking during the early hours of the morning, I couldn't help but blame myself. She usually took buses, which got as close to our apartment as possible, so I never thought it would be a problem. Is all of this, by chance, my fault? I'm supposed to be the man of the house, or at the very least protect those that I love.

Why?

Why does this shit always happen?

Why are they all dying?

Suddenly a wave of desperation flooded over me. It was like my anxiety had spiked through the roof, a feeling I hadn't experienced since seeing Lucy smashed against the pavement. I felt sick. Guilty. I let myself fall to the ground, no longer willing to keep the strength in my legs. "It's... my mom was sent the hospital." I explained, a little shaken.

He knelt down to me. "You should be able to leave, right? There's no need for you to stay in school right now."

Sure there was no need, but what could I do. I desperately wanted to go an see her, trying to convince myself that she'd be fine just as the police officer said, but a heavy weight pushing me down prevented me from even standing up.

Aren't I just useless?

"The school can send your homework later." He continued to explain. "For now, I think you should leave and be with your mother. Besides, schools done in a few minutes anyway."

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to stand despite the painful weight. "A-alright." My hands shook a bit as I turned to walk down the hall, stopping just a second to turn back around and head the other way.

Nothing seemed to be working properly. So many times I messed up with where to go that I ended up circling the entirety of the school, even into the next hour, by the time I managed to locate my locker. I entered my combination, tossing in a few books, thinking, then replacing them with what I thought I'd need. That process alone took me about five minutes. I just couldn't think straight. Taking another deep breath, I shook my head and slammed it shut so I could walk out the front door.

Making it down the hall had even become a troubling task. Countless times I blanked out and seemed to bump into a student or gave a distant answer whenever of my concerned classmates asked if I was alright. Just as I got to the front entrance doors, my hand stopped. My guitar. If I didn't grab it before leaving I wasn't sure when I'd be able to get it back. I abandoned the entrance and quickly navigate my way down the halls to the music wing.

I went straight for my locker and pulled out Ford's guitar, throwing it over my shoulder and making my way towards the exit so I could see my mom.

"Sen!"

I stopped and turned to face Louis, stilling holding his violin. He'd been in one of the practice rooms which was evident from his sticking halfway out of room number two. "What?" I meant my voice to come out as harsh, instead it was more of a desperate impatience.

"A-about the money I owe you-"

"I really don't have time for that. Talk to me about it later, okay?"

"O-oh?" I turned to leave. "Sen!" Oh, Jesus Christ, what! I turned back to him, my patience running on empty. "You don't look so good, are you okay?"

"I'm great." I insisted. "Bye."

Fifty dollars. Now I was really in desperate need of it. With three hundred gone we wouldn't be able to pay rent, or buy food. I wasn't even sure how we were going to cover medical bills or how long she was going to be sleeping for. Of course money was on my mind, but it was buried so far beneath more important things.

I made my way, once again, through the hallways of this rotten school to the very front entrance again, mistakenly not paying attention to the bussing schedule. My walk to the stop was slow, distracted, and shaky as I would catch glimpses of passers observing my actions. The weight on me only got heavier when the bus situation finally hit me.

Out of pure frustration I threw my backpack down and fell hard onto one of the benches that lay waiting at the stop. I loosened my tie as my thoughts continued to wonder uncontrollably. Where is Emy?

"Hey Sen!" I looked up from the concrete to see the Ridgeside Skippy car parked at the curb with guess who sticking his head out of the window. "Are you okay?"

"Just go aw-" For once in my life, please let things be okay. "I'm..." What did we do to deserve all of this? "My..." My dad leaving, getting to know Ford, finding happiness, getting it snatched right from under me. Finally allowing myself to have a friend, losing her before my very eyes. Getting into a great school, falling in love, and losing it. Why does fate hate me? "My mom she..."

Is there no salvation?

"Sen?" I hadn't even heard him leave his vehicle to stand right above me. I glanced at him as he kneeled to me, getting a look at my face. His twisted up in concern. "What the hell happened?"

I don't really trust anyone in this world. What is there to believe in? Everyone I've ever loved leaves me, or tells me a lie. Maybe, just as I've heard all my life, everything comes down to luck. All of which I have none of. But you know, as far as I'm concerned I've endured a lot, never once shedding a single tear. So it'll be okay if I just cry.