words i could never say

the poems i wrote: 4

continuation

poem 5:

I've been so apprehensive lately and it's making me physically tired.
I'm having constant attacks of paranoia and I'm becoming scared of what the future or even tomorrow holds for me.
I've never felt this feeling so strong than these few weeks.
I think it's because I'm scared to lose you.
I'm also frightened of being left behind and becoming lonely all the damn time.
I'm afraid to ask if you want me around.
I'm worried for what your true answer may be. I'm trying so hard to keep you with me,
but you're slowly drifting away and my grasp on you is now not that strong than it use to be. I know that this isn't healthy,
but at this point I don't care as long as I'm not alone.
Please tell me I still matter.
Now at this point,
just tell me lies.
I'm so sick and I'm not watching out for myself—I'm holding onto you.
I know you don't want me but can that feeling ever change?
I wish we could go back to the lovely days when you meant everything.
This is a terrifying feeling that's swarming my chest and dragging me down,
stepping harshly onto me.
Though other than this,
I'm fine.
I know when to try and become happy and social.
But I don't want you to ever see this side of me.