words i could never say

the poems i wrote: 9

continuation
thank you for reading these. there may not be more poems I wrote in the past, but there may be conversations and more to offer about my whole journey.
I never wrote another poem about this person ever since.
I found happiness.

the final poem: 10

this upcoming month I know it's going to be the toughest on me.
i only mean this for my personal life and i know i will be left isolated without a single caring person by me.
It's not that I don't want to be stranded alone but I know people are going to push me away and there's nothing I can do to bring myself back to the shore.
im not that upset with the whole idea but I'm just becoming angry and I'm boiling inside. though when I burst it only slides back to the sorrow I wear every breathing moment.
I don't know how to acknowledge the sadness,
I've tried but that only led me being aggressive towards myself.
I shoved the anger onto myself,
which only made me become worse in the process.
It's like I have to hide the facts of me and how I really think to myself.
I'm alright with that considering I don't ever want anyone to think of me differently.
I'm fine with how people think of me as of now, but I become anxious that all the emotions and who I truly am start to slip out.
I'm not the same person.
All my insecurities and my dilemmas formed me into something significantly different and I wish I could go back to being what I was beforehand.
I'm continuing to tire myself by functioning in a way I want to be seen.
Though,
I'm getting scared because that self portrait I was waving around for others is now starting to fade.
I could continue but I'll just use up whatever I have left.
I apologize if I'm not the energetic person I once was,
but that doesn't mean I do not want to talk to you.
You talking to me may bring me a new horizon to seek out for and achieve somewhere in this crucial process.