words i could never say

the poems i wrote 5:

continuation

poem 6:

I feel unwanted every awakening hour.
I wish I was granted access to your presence,
but you locked me out and I don't know what to do with myself.
My self motivation was always fueled up when I was with you,
but now I have nothing to chase.
I could go for you and tell you how much you mean to me,
but that won't do much for me.
I'm not going to pull the first move.
If you really want me then you'll come to me.
But I'm so desperately afraid that you won't come.
It keeps me up in the middle of the night.
I'm bottling up every emotion and affection I carry for you.
I feel like I'm going to drop my feelings and break open.
I don't want you to see me like that.
Cause then I don't seem strong and I want you to think I am strong.
But then again I just want you to care for me like you did before.
Please tell you still care.
That's all I want to hear.
I feel like I became too dull for you and im sorry.
I just feel like i always bother you no matter what.
I'd love to talk.
If you want to that's no problem to me.
the problem is I'm so nervous to continuously approach you because that's how I lost the people I care for.
And I don't want to lose you.
I fear it.