words i could never say

the poems i wrote: 8

continuation

poem 9:

i want to say more about how I truly feel when you ignore me constantly,
but I believe that it will not get me anywhere. im afraid that I've said too much and now you are forever gone.
all I can say is how much i hate myself now. nothing sparks my interests because you were mostly the lighter to me.
you gave me a new perspective of reality and i mean that in all honesty.
I never realized that the right person could lead you into a beautiful path of encouragement and acceptance.
you created something new and you gave me a new love for the world and the way I was living. though once you slowly began to fade,
I felt the happiness run with you.
It wasn't attracted to me,
it was only there because of you.
you would show up sometime and not only that but the positivity would come along.
and I absolutely feel like that's what brought us closer.
the joy that we had together is something one other cannot share with someone else.
i hope you think the same way.
i hope I gave you reasons for happiness,
and I hope I left a wonderful impression on you and the way you treat yourself and others.
but I don't know if you still feel the same.
I wish there was something I could do to give you happiness.
but mostly importantly I wish you could give me happiness.
though I'm so ashamed to admit that I need someone else to support me.
I need to support myself but you have no idea how much your company was to me.
I genuinely liked myself.
you gave me reasons to like myself.
though,
because now you're slowly fading away I feel like i have nothing to be confident about.
I'm so nervous to even ask you the simplest things,
so me asking you if you still like me is going to be a difficult task.
I'm afraid for what may be your final answer. but you shouldn't be afraid to say it.
I wonder if it was easy to get rid of me.
it probably was considering I probably never gave you anything useful.
I was dried up and I still am.
as the more I tend to become stale to your taste,
the less you approach and care for me.