Love Games

Elijah

After I got back home, I started to pack all of my things. Once everything was packed by the door I took the time to get my mind together. Reality set in and it hit me that Mailan and I will no longer be together after today. After all that we been through and the times we shared, we won't be together anymore and the relationship has died.

It's killing me because she is what I've known for so long. Every time I had a problem, I went to her. Every time I had a bad day at work, I came home and vented to her. I was used to her. She made me happy on my worst days. I was in love with her eyes, her smile, her personality, the way she cooked, cleaned, was there for me, loved me. I also loved how I knew her like the back of my hand. Well, I thought I did.

I let these thoughts run through my head for about 30 more minutes before I decided to watch tv and hopefully fall asleep.

It was going on 10:00 p.m. when I heard the door open and jumped up to see who walked in my house.

Right when I was about to get hostile, I seen Mailan walk come in. As mad as I was, I still couldn't get hostile with her.

"Can we talk?" She asked.

I scoffed while shaking my head as I walked away into our bedroom. I started packing more of my things while she followed me into the room.

"Please. You wanted answers, I'll give it to you. Just give me a chance to speak." She pleaded. I could tell she was serious.

"Finally. What I've been waiting for." I said to myself.

I let out a big sigh and sat down on the bed facing her.

"You got ten minutes. I'm listening." I said while looking at her.

"Thank you. First off, I wanted to apologize for the way I've been-"

I cut her off before she could go any further.
"I don't want no fake ass apology from you. Stop wasting my time and tell me what you came all the way back here for." I said as I felt the anger taking over.

"Uh ok.. You wanted truth, well now you're about to get it. I'm not an actual.....girl."

I can't believe what I'm hearing right now.

"What the fuck you mean you're not an actual girl, Mai?" I said as I slowly got up from where I was sitting and started backing away from her.

"I'm a transgender. I was once a male and I changed myself into a female..." She said as she looked down and ashamed. As she should.

"Mailan are you fucking kidding me" I yelled. This whole time I'm thinking I'm with a female. I never felt this kind of emotion before.

"Wait. I know there's a lot of stuff I haven't told you but, let me finish.." She said as she trailed off.

I honestly didn't even want to hear anymore of this. But it's what I've been asking for, for so long. As I sat in the bed, I waited for her to finish.

"Go ahead dude." I said while rubbing my hand down my face.

"Ok. I'm a trans. My family has encouraged me to be honest with you from the beginning. But I just couldn't bring myself to do so. Which is why you didn't really get to spend time with my family like you did for the family reunion. I didn't want anyone to slip up and tell you like my cousin did. I didn't want it messing up what we had. I guess that doesn't matter now. Umm... when you seen my cousin text me, it was him addressing me as the 'old' me. He never texted the wrong number. And lastly, when we went to our counselor, and got in that fight, and you went to Derrick's house to spend the night, I went to a restaurant by myself. The waiter started flirting with me, I flirted back. He gave me his number at the end of my meal & when I got home I texted him. After awhile of texting, I invited him over. We had sex on our living room couch. Which is why it was messed up when you came back home the next morning. When we talked after you got out the shower, and we had that talk before going to the theme park, it was the guilt talking. I felt bad for what had taken place the night before. That's it."

I never felt so shocked in my life.

"I have one question." I said.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"Is that why you picked me to be your boyfriend? Because you knew I hadn't been with anyone else before you? And I wouldn't be able to tell the difference?"

"Sadly, yeah. That's exactly why I picked you. But then I actually fell for you as time went on." She said as she looked down.

"Wow. All this time you seen me tearing my brain apart trying to figure out what it was that I didn't know. And you made me feel like I lost my damn mind. Had me feeling like I was crazy, possessive, controlling. I could go on and on. Then had the nerve to catch attitudes with me for acting the way I was, when you were on bullshit to begin with. I'm more upset at the fact that you weren't honest with me from the beginning. If you were to tell me you were trans, I probably wouldn't even be all that upset. But it's the hiding, the lying, the deceit. You didn't give me a chance to make my own decisions about you, you made them for me. Honestly, I don't even care about the trans thing. I've been with you for over 3 years and I still couldn't tell the difference. I'm more upset about the cheating part. You gave something to someone that was supposed to be only mine. You betrayed me." I said.

I truly was in disbelief. I fell for this girl since I met her, I loved her. Whenever she was upset I tried to make sure she had a smile on her face. Whenever we'd fight in the past, I tried to make it right at the end of the night. Even if she was the one wrong. I always checked up on her, made sure everything was ok with her. If she needed it, I had it. Even if she just wanted something, I made sure she was satisfied. It didn't matter if my day was going bad or if I had been in a bad mood all day, if she was upset, I made sure she had a smile on her face by the end of the night. As long as one of us went to sleep happy, that was all that mattered to me.

"I know you're upset with me. And believe me, I understand why. I don't expect anything else from you other than you to leave me. I don't want sympathy. Whatever you decide to do, I have no choice but to be cool with it." She said as she looked down.

"You lucky I don't fight you like a dude." I said so seriously. "You know what's crazy?" I asked.

"What?" She asked.

"I would've still been with you. If you would've been honest with me to begin with.. the only thing that fucked this whole relationship up, was the dishonesty. The cheating, the deceit about your identity...I don't even have feelings for you anymore man. It's just amazing how you think you know someone. Especially after so long. But, everything you once knew, or thought you knew, turns out to be a lie." I said so heartbrokenly.

Mailan started to cry. I didn't know what for because I should be the one crying. I don't think she's actually sorry like she claims to be because when all of this came out at her house, that's when she wanted to finally come forward with her bullshit. But, when I was trying to get this out of her before, she swore up and down that I knew everything and that I was just overreacting. I think she's more sorry that she got caught than anything.

"This is just amazing, Mai. And not in a good way. All I can say is, don't do this to whoever you meet next. Otherwise you'll just keep finding yourself in the same situation you're in now. Ummm... I think I said all I had to say to you. Have a nice life." I said as I started to leave and bring all of my stuff with me.

After I got all of my stuff in the car, I decided to call Derrick.

Me: "Hey bro, Mailan and I just broke up. I found out some shit she's been doing. Mind if I come over?"

Derrick: "Yeah man you know you can come over. I don't even know why you felt the need to ask."

Me: "Cool. I'm on my way now."

I know that divorce takes a while to finalize. But that doesn't mean I have to be in the same house as Mailan. Hopefully Derrick will let me stay with him until I get my own house.

I sped off and made my way to Derrick's house. It's gonna be hard living without Mai, because I've been with her for so long. I understand time heals all wounds but, this one might take a little longer