better off alone - randy fanfiction

CHAPTER 2 (Cody)

Cody's POV

I'm in the new flat with the boys

Andy's in the kitchen with jack, mickey's sleeping (i think), harv is at the studio and brook and rye are sat behind me watching me paint

I started this kinda conceptual piece on the wall in their corridor, it represents the self-obsessed and blind ideals of the modern world. But also how if you look from the right perspective you can experience truly beautiful things. 

Brook and rye don't get it. lmao

But one day it'll make sense, I assure them that aha

" hey De" brook comments "so how is a space dude with his head up the galaxies butt supposed to show obsessed self-interest and ignorance?"

I laugh, i partly did this because i knew they wouldn't get it especially Brooklyn, teasing brook is an inherent part of our relationship lol, we have banter but i'd protect him like he's my little bother. 

"I'm painting an ASTRONAUGHT being absorbed by the galaxy, yaknow like as a metaphor for societies blindness to reality but like also how beautiful it is from an outward point of view more then it would be close up, like how the 'space dude' is looking at things yaknow, like i guess to remind you that maybe happiness and good things are always there it's just about where you look for them, like looking at the bigger picture"

"you talk too much" brook said in a sarcastic voice, he has a point i give him that

"you're the one who fucking asked" i laughed

"okay. yeah. No. Still don't get it though" brook sat cross-legged next to rye with a hot chocolate in his hands that andy brought in 5 mins ago.

his head tilted side ways with a 'WTF' expression permanently tattooed on his face.

 " honestly, it's really there to make your new flat look prettier kiddo" i smile  

"i think it's sick" rye commented and smiled at me and winked

Officially i've been rye's girlfriend about 4 months now maybe more. It's nice. i mean I've been friends with all the boys a long time now, they're like my brothers but rye and i always had something else... i guess.

our relationship just kinda happened after Blair said they boys were 'aloud' to officially date. it's some trust exercise i think.

But i get that the band will always come first. and for me, my friendships with them all is way more important than anything else, i dont want rye and i to mess anything up

I'm pretty chill with dating and i wanna take this slow because I'm not sure yet where rye and i stand. Dont get me wrong, i do really like him but there are always complications.

About 8 months ago i came out of a long-term relationship with this girl named Emma who i met when i joined sixth form. We just grew apart so i know it was for the best but i guess i still have lingering feelings.

But i don't wanna go in way too fast with rye, i don't think i'm quite ready yet and i don't want it to have any bad effects on the dynamics of the band.

But he knows that, so i guess only time will tell.

there's also another unspoken issue with us. it kinda makes me jealous and i don't know why

i know that there was (or is) something going on with Andy and rye, we haven't yet spoken about it so i don't know for sure, but i'm not an idiot

know it really meant something to him or he would have said something by now.

Rye doesn't open up for the fun of it, soooo i guess it's complicated or painful. I'm curious but I'm not gonna pressure him though so i'll wait for when he's ready to talk about it but i'm starting to pick up this growing tension in the air and i don't want anything bad to happen. 

i know andy and if it's what i think it is then i know andy might get hurt.

andy is gay, like full-blown rainbow. 

he has never come out to anyone but me, and that was only because i walked in on him with this boy from our old friendship group from when we were younger. he was only like 13 and all they were doing was kissing but i could tell he was very upset about it.

if he isn't comfortable with it then he doesn't need to tell anyone, but all the boys have their suspicions and i don't see what good secrets can do. 

anyway 

if rye was involved with andy at any point, with rye being straight (i think) then andy may not make it through this crush emotionally intact.

and to make my worries worse, rye seems growingly distant recently. like lost in thought, i don't know if it's me or andy or something else entirely but i don't want it to get worse. it's worrying me

i might have to talk to someone about this.

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ekkk i have no idea where this is going but for now, i will keep writing

my exams literally start in a couple days so this is procrastination on a new level lmao