better off alone - randy fanfiction

CHAPTER 5 (you're in my head)

Rye's POV

me, brook and jack just got back from the big A (asda) and we have a looooad of scran. 

tonight will be nice. I like to chill and just hang out with my friends. just spending time with them means so much to me, even though i don't really show it. i guess i'm not good at voicing how i feel - but i think they all know without me needing to explain.

we are about to walk into the mindy room to the kitchen and mikey comes out of the jacklyn room in just a towel.

"oh hey guys. anyone seen any of my boxers i cant find any?" 

"he's been looking for about 10 mins" andy shouted from next door, after hearing mikeys whining

"and you didn't help a brother out, fovvs I'm disappointed in..." i walk through the door "...you" as i did so, i see andy and cody cuddling on his bed.  

she was in his arms. his arms.

it shouldn't bother me. but for some reason, at that moment, it did. it bothered me a lot.

And i don't really know why. 

 i trust cody, completely, and andy is obviously gay (although he's never actually told anyone, but come on...) and they are best friends and have always been and they always cuddle and....

 jealousy flooded through me; but not because Cody was with andy and i hate myself for feeling like this, but i'm jealous because andy is no longer mine.  

....Rye, what's wrong with you. Why are you feeling jealous, You can't be jealous of her, you don't have a crush on andy anymore that was the past. De is your girlfriend and you're happy.

"rye you good? You seem lost?" andy asked, noticing i've been stood at the door for about 10 seconds staring in silence.

"yh i'm fine, i don't know what you're on about mate." i fake a chuckle  "HEY MIKE" i turn around and leave"the second draw down - you can borrow some of mine until you buy some more. honestly kid, you're tragic" i laugh as brook walks past

"scranage coming through" brook shoved me back into the room putting the bags of food on the counter

"rye, jack you get blankets. andy. cody move the sofa round, we're gonna have a cuddly movie night in."

a cuddly night in. my mind wanders.  i can't but think of andy and i can't stop myself. the way we used to snuggle up together, even in front of the boys, and i'd draw on his back with my fingertips, and play with his soft hair, just holding him felt right.  also when we were alone. the way he'd whisper in my ear and his lips would brush against my skin sending a shockwave of tingles down my spine....

i watch andy as he walks past me to move the sofa, staring right into his eyes as he does so. i get the feeling he wants to ask me something but he doesn't. i look away.   

and those dreaded words are stuck on repeat in my head. 

"rye, like for the sake of the band, and our friendship... i ... just think yaknow.. we will be better off alone... like at this point in time... i'm sorry, i don't want to but i  i'm scared (he was crying in my arms) what if we, us together... like risk the band, and our futures, i've fought so much to get here.. and ughhh... i really love you rye, but..." 

i can remember zoning out in shock, i missed his entire explanation, i just couldn't believe we were there, in that moment, ending before it had even fully begun. i wanted to spend my life with him i wanted him and only him.

fuck me andy, you're in my head and i don't know how to get you out.

but it's okay. i'm with De now and it's good.

i leave to get blankets from my room. one day we're gonna have to tell cody, or someone about what happened between us because it's killing me inside. i think about it all the time and i don't know what to do.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i really want to fully explain the randy in the past, and i will soo ;) 

and also have some present randy moments (romantic and steamy)

but i will get there when the times right, lol 

i thought i may as well use the title name in this one bcs why not

anyway, i hope someone out there is appreciating this :))))

i also hope whoever is reading this is having a lovely day and if not, it can only get better x

so for now, goodnight, i shall be back soon with another update.

- E