CALL IT SUICIDE

Suicide: 1.Loghan's P.O.V

But if there's one thing that i'm guilty of. Its loving and giving when you take too much.

I was living with my foster mother in Georgia,Atlanta. I've been living with her for 1 year now and she has been the best foster parent so far. I'm now 15 and I have 3 more years left until i'm on my own,nobody to tell me what to do or no one to bully me. I never met my parents because they died in a car crash when I was only 1 month old. I've been in and out of foster care my whole life, i've been through all kinds of people, rich, poor, mean, abusive, you name it. I ain't no bad boy, people only say I am but they don't know me like I know myself and i'm yet to find that person who will love me for me. But I guess there is no such person....

Monday 7 A.M

"Good Morning"

''Good Morning Loghan"

My foster mother smelt of whiskey and cigarettes. I sighed as I watched her dance around the kitchen like a Bellevue patient. "Had fun last night?" I asked her as she rolled over the counter and landed on her feet, what's wrong with this woman? "Yeah, Stanley took me to Red's Lobster Palace last night and after we had a little rough housing if you know what I mean" . I was disgusted as an image of the both of them in bed popped in my head, I decided not to take the conversation any further. "Okay hey uh what's for breakfast?" I asked though I knew what was the answer. "Anything you can find !".

I searched through the fridge and found only a whiskey bottle and a stick of butter. "You didn't go grocery shopping?" I asked but that only caused an argument. "Does the government pay me enough to go grocery shopping Loghan answer me!!". I didn't answer instead I walked out,that's my morning routine! I went back into the living room where I currently slept on the couch because there is only 1 bedroom in this house and my foster mother occupied it so there isn't any space for me. I laid down on the carpet and started to day dream about what my life would be like with my parents.

Tears always came to my eyes when I thought about stuff like that. " Get off to school Loghan!!", I jumped up and I saw who it was, my foster mother's "boyfriend" Stanley Machetti, one of the persons who I despise in this World, he does everything to make my foster mother mad at me and he controls her. I walked passed him and he grabbed me back causing me to almost fall and hit my head,"Get your hands off me!!" I yelled.

"Boy do you know who your talking to!!??"  he said, he got angry. I hissed at him but he gripped me harder which caused my arm to hurt even more. I was about to punch him but my foster mother walked in and dropped her cup of tea along with her jaws. Stanley quickly let go of me and ran over to her, I touched my arm and it was painful, they were whispering and I could guess that Stanley was planting things in her head which caused me to get irritated. I was about to walk out the door when all of a sudden Stanley turned me around and hugged me. I was taken aback and I immediately pushed him off of me, his eyes widened and so did my foster mother's eyes. I was confused, "You see, I always try to get closer to him but he pushes me away" Stanley pleaded and then went back over to my foster mother.

"Loghan you need to stop pushing people away, I know that you've never had anyone to love and care for you but Stanley is a great father figure for you" my foster mother said as she came closer to me and placed her right arm on my right shoulder, I brushed her off and she just continued to talk. "I don't need a father figure, my father is dead" I hissed then walked out the door then slammed it. I was pissed, I started to walk towards school which was 30 minutes away, I attended The Amber Rose High School which I despised going to because I hated drama and Amber Rose was known for that. The cold breeze hit me as vehicles swarmed the streets where I lived, I lived in a ghetto like area with houses clustered together and war was all around. Police came by here everyday because there was always some sort of conflict between neighbors and there was always some sort of baby mother drama. It wasn't safe for a boy like me to walk the streets especially at night but I didn't care.

I could care less about what will happen to me. I get searched everyday because once your a male and you live around here, your considered as a criminal or an upcoming criminal. I walked briskly as I smelt nothing but smoke and liquor, even pissed stained places swarmed the neighborhood. At my school everyone thinks that I come from a rich family like all "Bad boys''. You see in life people assume where your from and they brand you and tell you how your life will be or how it should be. I made it out of my community and onto the high way where I walked freely knowing that anything or anyone could hit me and drive away without looking back like in most cases but for me, death is what I need. I walked slowly as all sorts of gases hit my face ever move I make. I've been walking for 25 minutes and school was just 5 minutes away.

I walked and walked until I finally reached. I walked up the stairs and down the walk way where girls started to scream like idiots and the gay boys started to make themselves presentable. I scoffed and continued my way towards the main entrance. I opened the door and laughter along with chatter tinkled my ear drums. I sighed and made my way towards my locker to take off my jacket and place it in there. I did so and I made my way to my first class which was Biology with the world's sluttiest teacher, Ms.Harven. She slept with all of the male teachers and half of the male students already except for me. If you want extra grades in her class just sleep with her and she'll give you, and she's 35 so you know what that means. Rumor has it that she got pregnant by one of the boys at this school but she had an abortion.

I whistled my way to class and opened the door when I got there. The classroom was empty so I took my seat by the window at the back of the class. I took out my dark apple smartphone and plugged in my black earphones. I started to listen to Suicide by James Arthur, one of my favourite songs. I started to sing when Ms.Harven walked in, she was in something short as usual but this time her skirt was even shorter than usual and if she even tilted all of her behind would be showing, why do they tolerate this at the school? I mean she may have seduced the principal Mr.Ervin but even he must have some limitations.

I looked away and rolled my eyes, I looked through the window and stared at the beautiful sunshine. I heard shuffling and I felt a presence in front of me, I already knew who it was so I decided to ignore her.

................................................................................................................................................................

Ikrazii_Qxeen