CALL IT SUICIDE

Suicide: 11.Jean's P.O.V

That's my gun!

I got a call from the principal at Amber Rose and I knew it was something that Loghan did, I was stressed out. Loghan has been living with me since the  past year now and he's been nothing but trouble, he needs therapy but I couldn't afford it, I really loved him because deep down I knew that he was a sweet boy. I tried my best with him, I really do but nothing seems to work, i've been thinking about sending him back to his foster home but I didn't have the Heart because there was just something about him and he made feel like a mother. I can't have kids, i'm 34 years of age.

I really loved kids that's why I volunteer each year to be a foster mother, my boyfriend Stanley who is 40 hates kids so sometimes I don't even bother to foster a child but Loghan was an exception because I fell in love with him the day I saw him, I learnt about his past, he had a really rough experience growing up and that's the reason why he doesn't love, trust or have faith in anyone. I mean he didn't even get to meet his parents, he has been in foster care all of his life, poor thing. And not to mention what he went through while in foster homes and with foster parents, he's been abused, burnt, kicked out and even molested but one of his foster fathers when he was only 10 years old. I wanted to make a difference in his life and to show him how it felt to have someone love and care for you.

His principal said that he wanted to me to come in and to speak to Loghan about his behavior. I sighed as I was preparing dinner for Stanley and I. Stanley did't like it when I gave Loghan food that his money bought, that's the main reason why Loghan hardly ate. I lost my job so Stanley is the only one I could rely on and the government doesn't even pay me enough. 

Stanley was my only survival, he's the one that pays the bills, so I put him first. I was making Spaghetti and Meatballs but I paused as I had to rush down by the school. I turned off the fire and tried to make it back before Stanley would come home because he would get be mad if he found out. I grabbed my purse and ran to the high way and took a bus to his school. I was wearing a light blue dress that reached my knee along with a pink scarf. I arrived at his school and I took a deep breath as I walked inside and to the the principal's office.

I saw Loghan sittting outside with the look of evil, the look he always had, i've never seen him smile or laugh before. I looked at him then back at the principal's door and decided not to say anything until we were outside. I went inside and had a small talk with his principal as he explained what had happened. I was upset with Loghan, I send him to school to get an educaton and this is how he thanks me.

I thanked the principal and apologized as I explained that he had a problem. He said that if this had happen again Loghan would be suspended. I walked outside and Loghan was gone, my Heart started to beat fast as I quickly walked outside where I saw him walking down the street.

"Loghan!!", I yelled his name but he didn't turn around. 

 I started to walk up to him but he started to walk faster, I started to run but itlooked as if he wasn't in the mood so he slowed down. After 5 minutes I caught up to him and  I swung him around as he looked at me with a straight face because he didn't expected this. "Loghan where are you going?!" I half-yelled which caused him to look away from me and he ignored me. "Loghan answer me!!", I yelled in his face. "As if you would even care!"  he gave me a response, I was taken a back, I let go of him and my mouth flew open. 

  He scoffed and turned back around and continued to walk, but before he could take another step I held onto him and swung him back around. "Loghan I do care about you or else I would have thrown you out, your my son and I love you" I pleaded with him he thought about what I said then rolled his eyes and shook his head.   

If you "loved" me you would feed me and ask me what was one my mind and not take your boyfriend's words against mine!!" he yelled at me, he had a short temper. I was speechless and he scoffed again. "Loghan really?" I asked as he folded my arms. I put my hands akimbo and I thought about something, "Well then if that's how you feel then maybe you should go live with someone else, i'll call your case worker tomorrow and tell her that you want new foster parents cause I don't love you", I said although I didn't mean it, I was hurt. ''I ain't going back to no foster home!", he half-yelled.  

  We stood there in silence, "Then what do you want from me Loghan!!", I finally yelled.  

Nothing!!", he yelled back as he ran away from me. 

He then ran away, I watched as he ran and ran until he was no where to be seen. A tear left my left eye, I know that I should run after him but he was too fast anyways and I knew that he'll be back, i'm all he has.

I walked to the high way as I took a bus and went home. My mind was in him the whole day. I arrived at home and I saw Stanley, I got nervous as he stood in the hallway with a belt, I took my shoes and my scarf off. "Where the f**k were you b*tch?!!" he yelled as I jumped back. " I Went to deal with Loghan's principal at his school" I replied instantly. He was abusive but I needed him, without him i'm nothing and I knew that he loved me,he just wanted me to be a better person.

He snarled at me as he came closer to me and we stood there what seemed like forever. "Bend over now!!" he yelled as I obeyed. I closed my eyes as he let the belt buckle run free across my bottom and my back as I whelped in pain. Tears started to flood my face but what could I do, my mother never thought me how to survive, I was on my own most of my life.

"I told may times that you should kick that bastard out, it was for the best!!'' he yelled as he slapped me across my face. He pushed me against the door and I cried out in pain as my back and butt rested on it. He placed his left hand over my mouth and shushed me. "Now go in the kitchen and make me my dinner before I kill you!!' he yelled at me. I ran to the kitchen and immediately started to cook. 

I couldn't take it anymore. Loghan wasn't helping me and I couldn't help him either so it was best if we went our separate ways, I was gonna kick him out. As much as it grieved me it was for the best.

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Ikrazii_qxeen

Thank you for reading my story!!