Hijacked

Chapter 20

She turns around, taking her hand away from the door. She seems momentarily shocked, frozen completely, like a statue. I don’t think either of us breathes. Then she seems to come back to reality and she shakes her head, like she’s trying to clear it. She takes a deep breath.

“They showed you the tape of me talking about it.” She says blankly.

“No.” I answer quietly. “Is there a tape of you talking about it? Why didn’t the Capitol use it against me?”

“I made it the day you were rescued.” she explains. “So what do you remember?”

“You, in the rain,” I whisper. “Digging through our rubbish bins. Burning the bread. My mother hitting me. Taking the bread out for the pig but then giving it to you instead.”

“That’s it. That’s what happened.” Katniss confirms. “The next day, after school, I wanted to thank you. But I didn’t know how.”

Somewhere, deep in my mind, the Peeta from the tapes surfaces, interrupting; You didn’t have to thank me, it says. Saving you was thanks enough. I close my eyes tight, pushing it to the back of my mind, and then I answer with more memories.

“We were outside at the end of the day. I tried to catch your eye. You looked away. And then…for some reason, I think you picked a dandelion.”

She nods.

“I must have loved you a lot.” I say, simply enough.

Her response catches me off guard, it’s full of emotion; emotion I hadn’t anticipated, hadn’t prepared for.

“You did.” She says, her voice catching.

She fakes a cough, trying to expel the emotion from her voice. It doesn’t really work, and it doesn’t matter; her face shows what she feels clearly enough.

“And did you love me?” I ask and she looks down.

“Everyone says I did. Everyone says that’s why Snow had you tortured. To break me.”

She sounds sad, guilty. Though I can’t see her face, her breaths are shuddering slightly, moving a strand of hair that hangs over her face.

“That’s not an answer.” I say, dissatisfied.

“I don’t know what to think when they show me some of the tapes. ” I tell her, confused. Everything is muddling in my head. There’s the Katniss I remember, brutal and murderous. There’s the Katniss who’s slowly returning to me, my childhood love. Then, there’s this Katniss, stood before me, broken and wary of me. Which is real? “In that first arena it looked like you tried to kill me with those tracker jackers.”

“I was trying to kill all of you.” She replies. “You had me treed.”

There’s an ache in my chest that I know is because of what Katniss has just said. Why would she have wanted to kill me? I saw the tapes and I clearly didn’t want to kill her. All it looked like I wanted to do was save her, make sure she went home.

“Later, there was a lot of kissing. Didn’t seem very genuine on your part.” I say, wanting to hurt her back. “Did you like kissing me?”

“Sometimes.” She confesses, which seems cruel to me, because sometimes definitely isn’t always. And from what I saw, I always liked kissing her, always loved her.

“You know people are watching us right now?” she asks.

I think back to the Capitol, how I hid under the camera, just to get a few seconds to myself. Being here, I’m still watched. But at least now, it’s not by the Capitol, and it no longer feels so uncomfortable.

“I know.” I reply. I’m used to it, I add silently, and continue.

“What about Gale?” I persist.

“He’s not a bad kisser either.” She replies sharply, so sharply that it startles me.

How can she do this? Does Gale know? Surely he must?

“And it was okay with both of us?” I ask incredulously. “You kissing the other?”

“No, it wasn’t okay with either of you. But I wasn’t asking your permission.” She snaps.

As this conversation is progressing she seems to be getting more and more prickly. I don’t think she wants to be here. Well, I think, if that’s how she feels she needn’t stay. I laugh coldly.

“Well, you’re a piece of work, aren’t you?” I say harshly.

She storms out and I look up at the ceiling, twisting in my restraints. The tubes in my arms and waist aren’t hurting anymore, but I think I should probably stay still anyway, in case I mess them up. The knockout drug hasn’t been administered, so I guess I’ve done alright. No one has reached through the door to drag Katniss away, as they did with Delly. But Katniss was cruel in a lot of what she said, and I have no idea how someone like that could be the leader of a rebellion. I don’t really understand how the others don’t see the Katniss I do, the real her.