An Estranged Wife

Chapter 16- The Cries!

If he expected Pari to be stunned, or shocked or even angry, then Sameer was up for a surprise because neither was Pari angry, nor stunned; she harboured that small smile on her face which became a permanent part of her personality now. She didn't break her gaze from his face, nor did she stepped away, she just stared at him like he was someone normal who was telling her his feelings.

Confused, Sameer removed his hand, and raked his fingers through his hair, unable to understand her state of mind.

Didn't he had any effect on her anymore? Did she become completely ignorant towards his rising emotions for her? But most of all when did he started to fall in love with her? How could it suddenly happen? Or he has been on that road since the day he has started to read her letters.

A number of queries followed then; the answer was with the one who stood in front of him devoid of any custom look now.

"Say something." He pleaded.

"What do you want me to say or feel, Sameer? Do you want me to kiss the ground on which you walk, or do you want me to feel butterflies in my belly because you're falling for me after everything?" She asked, and he suddenly felt so stupid that he wanted to hit himself with a bat for being vocal about something that wasn't meant to be said. At least not to her.

But he couldn't handle her calling herself as an obligation because she wasn't anymore. She was above everything in his life.

"I'll go, prepare dinner. You rest for a bit and come out." With that said, she walked out of the room like nothing happened.

He stood there staring at her retreating form, and even if she was out of his sight, he couldn't remove his gaze.

Why was this getting harder with each day?

The more he wanted to let go off her, the more he wanted to be a part of her life.

He wasn't supposed to feel for her after what he did to her in name of being her husband; then why were these unexpected feelings lurking in his heart. There hasn't been a day, when he hadn't missed her, in fact since the night after where he forced himself on her, all he has done is to think about her, and her alone.

Initially, it was due to the overbearing guilt but now it wasn't limited to it. He felt happy to be around her; the way he looked at her has changed a great deal.

He didn't know till when he was lost in his thoughts but when he came out, he walked out of the room, hoping to help her if she needed any. He can't just sit and eat like a penniless man.

As he marched to the kitchen area, he found her reaching to the top shelf by tiptoeing on her feet; making his way towards her without even calling her, he stood behind her back, and raised his hand to get the container she wanted. Their fingers brushed, and Pari immediately moved back from him.

"Thanks." She mumbled, taking the container from him; he nodded and sat on the kitchen counter watching her cook, knowing well that help wasn't needed. The time was gone now, and only he was to be blamed.

His ex-wife wasn't ever going to feel for him anything, and it was confirmed. His heart pained on being a lonely mess in the world. At least, she had her parents to love, while neither did he have any family anymore nor his friends were ever going to see him again.

He was doomed with nowhere to go.

But should he keep his hope of having her back one day?

As much as he wanted to answer himself, he avoided it.

"It'll be ready in ten minutes." She said pointing towards the containers on the stove.

"What are you staring at, Sameer?" She finally asked having enough of his curious gaze on her.

"What are you feeling, Pari? Please, Tell me." He pleaded coming towards her side; he switched off the stove and dragged her to the living room couch.

Making her sit on one of them, he knelt in front of her, and cupping her face with both hands, he asked, "Please tell me what's going on in you? Please, at least give a reaction to what I've told you."

Removing his hand from her face, she took his hand, and replied softly gazing at his long fingers, "Your words are not moving enough now. The damage has been done long back, Sameer. What can I even feel now? Maybe, if that night wouldn't have happened then I'd have been happy to hear you bot now I'm just calm. And I want to be like this; I don't want anymore complication neither for you and myself."

Desperate, he asked, "You still haven't forgiven me for that night. Isn't it?

"Physically I've, mentally, no woman can forgive you for raping her." As harsh as it was, she voiced it out making him flinch at his place.

"This is why I said we can't be together, Sameer. I can't be with you wholly; I can't trust you like any woman should trust her man; I would always be afraid of you to lose your mind if ever I said or did anything which you don't like. And ask yourself this question; Can you touch me now in that way without any fear? Are you mentally prepared to witness your monster all your life?"

He lowered his head and she smiled knowing that he understood her point as well.

"You know Sameer, at one point I actually thought I won't be able to live without you; but you know after you went to prison, I realized that I was breathing, in fact I was happy. You tell me if I truly loved you ever, why wasn't I sad even a tiny bit?"

Lost, he didn't utter a word, instead just sat unmoving.

"Because since the time I heard about your proposal, I gave myself the pep talks like every girl does that she has to fall in love with this man, no matter what comes or goes; she has to make him her world. Like you said, I programmed myself; you were right I did that but when the remote broke, my dream also broke, and I stepped into the world where I realised my self-worth which lessened in my eyes being your wife, but it increased again when I saw you surrendering yourself. And now when you're done repenting, I just want you to get a good job and place and move on because somewhere I think that I'm responsible for you losing everything; thus, I want to help you at last to show my acceptance of your understanding regarding my peace. Maybe, I wouldn't have been so calm if you wouldn't have punished yourself. But don't expect more from me, Sameer because I can't feel for you ever again."

"Infact, I can't feel romantically ever for anyone now." She finished, and he raised his head to show her his damp face. It was the first time he truly started to feel for someone, and before even having her, he lost her.

"I'm really late, isn't it?"

"You are." She wiped his tears, but they were unstoppable today. He rested his head in her lap and cried for everything.

For losing his father.

For losing his mother.

For losing his child.

For losing himself.

But above all......

For losing his estranged wife.

Pari, kept on caressing his head feeling his tears soak her net saree. But she didn't stop him; she allowed him to let it out for him to let it go, so that he could start his life with a new ray of hope.

He raised his head after a while, and with puffy, red eyes, the request he made, forced her eyes to leak silently.

"Will you at least spend one day with me as my wife who loves me?"

Next chapter would be the last chapter, and then there is epilogue. What do you think, will she agree? Do give your opinions at least now silent readers.