An Estranged Wife

Letter 4- The First Outing!

Dear Love,

I met your mother in the market today. She told me how rude you have been lately to her and how messed up your life has become after I left you.

But I questioned her if it was really after I was out of your life that you became messed up, or you were originally a definition of a real mess.

A complicated mess that refused to understand life.

I hope you change your attitude at least with her. She doesn't deserve to be treated indifferently for the differences we have made. She is your mother, not your wife on whom you are taking out your frustration.

I actually think, do you even understand the meaning of the word respect?

What's a women in your eyes?

A punching bag or a left over trash.

If you want to answer this, then certainly do it at the midnight by staring at the sky. You would definitely find it amidst the stars if not amidst the messy surroundings of your life.

Or ask your new girlfriend. But point is would she reply you the Truth.

Do you even see her as a woman above the fact that she is willing to share a bed with you?

Am...I guess I got bit serious here, so let's shift the atmosphere to a bit funny. Mom said that she has been missing me lately, and she even thinks that you are missing me.

The confusion is am I missing you?

What do you think? Or do you think at all about me? Do you want me to miss you?

I need to have your permission for everything right? Even for missing you, I need to ask from you.

Remember after three months of our marriage on Mom's insistence, I went out with her for the first time to her friends place. I wanted you to come along but it was you who always told me that I shouldn't disturb you in the work hours.

When I did in the first month, you literally cursed me like never. But I didn't do it for myself, I did it for you because you forgot your important file at home. I didn't wanted you to be embarrassed in front of your colleagues, but you thought otherwise.

"You are such an useless Pari. How many times have I told you that don't disturb me in the office hours? Doesn't it ring a bell in your head? But it's my fault that I keep forgetting that how would a housewife know what office rules are?" These were your words on our first month. They stabbed me, Love.

I just hung up the call that day without arguing, and waited for you to come home. When you came, you didn't even glanced at me. You denied the food I cooked, you laid on the bed giving your back to me, while like a love sick, I tried to woo you by begging you to forgive me.

I shouldn't have done that when it wasn't my fault. It was yours, because you were the one to forget the file, and you took out the anger on me yet there was I trying to make you talk to me while it should have been you to apologise me for yelling at me unnecessarily.

I didn't cared then; all I wanted for you to talk to me. But making you communicate was the hardest thing to do. You were egoistic and stubborn more than I could have ever understood.

I wooed you for two hours straight, and finally you smiled. I never felt this good on achieving your one smile as much as I did. You hugged me and slept, and I was satisfied again to be in your arms.

It was like a cyclical process, that you lashed, I wooed you. It went like this since the first day, isn't it, Love?

Even that day when I returned home with Mom, you raised your hand on me again in front of Mom, and shouted, "Are you a duffer? Shouldn't you be informing me that you are going out? And with whose permission did you even step out of this house?"

Shock like never hit me, hearing you. Was I a robot who couldn't even move around without it's controller?

You accused me of being a careless fool, a spoilt brat and even raised your fingers on my parents upbringing. But you didn't even allowed Mom to intervene.

She kept on trying to tell you that it was her who took me out, but you didn't even listened to her. I wondered then if your deceased father was ever like this to your mother? But with the way, Mom talked so highly of him, I knew he was one respectable man who adored his wife.

Then why were you like this, Love?

Why?

Why did you always misunderstood me like I was some bacteria of your life? I was your wife who loved you even when I wasn't the receiver of your love, then why me?

You went into our room without even hearing me, but my traitorous heart didn't allowed me to let you be alone. I was there to be beside you or wasn't I in your eyes?

Taking the tray of food which I cooked before leaving, I entered our room to see you standing in the balcony. My first action was to immediately hug you from behind and apologize, but you pushed me away angrily and sat on the bed glaring at me.

You always intimidated me like I meant nothing to you. It scared me, but I still accepted you for who you were because you were my husband.

But why you never accepted my any mistake because even I was your wife? I was also a human only, not a machine. Why was I expected to follow all your rules and regulations while you always broke them?

I knelt in front of you, and taking your palms in my hand, caressed your knuckles. They were blue, and I am sure you might have punched something.

I immediately grabbed the ointment, and applied it on you. You flinched, but it was as if my hand hurt. I blew air on it, with my eyes stinging with tears. Once again I felt that as if you would raise your hand to wipe my tears, but look my fate.

You snatched your hand away mercilessly, in the process shunning me away from you in a way that I hit my head on the side drawer. I didn't cared, I stood up and held your elbow.

"Please. Don't be angry. I'm sorry. I won't go out now without informing you. Please eat something." I pleased you forgetting my pain. You know despite Mom telling me that I should eat with her at her friends place, I didn't because I loved eating after you. I waited for you every day but you never even asked me once, if I had my food or not.

I'm sure I wasn't that worthless. And you knew it, but still making me feel low was your agenda of life.

Are all husband's like this?

I hope not because if they were then I could not even imagine the lives of other girls who think after marriage, they would live a dream they weaved since youth hit them.

To make the dreams come true you need to even work hard to achieve them, and if you don't then you receive the fate as mine.

It's true right!

"Why do you care if I eat or not? You went out, had fun so now live with it. Does it bother you if I live or die?" I covered your mouth instantly when you talked about death. How could you have said that your life didn't matter to me?

You were my life now. I was yours, though you never thought as if you were mine.

"Be angry with me but don't ever say that you don't matter to me. If you didn't then why am I here pleading you? Can't you see that I love you so much?" I hugged you chiding you, but you didn't hugged me back.

You just stood there deadpanned. My love meant nothing to you. It was useless in your eyes, just like I am.

I fed you with my hands, making sure that you finished it. Not for once you eyed me, nor asked me if I would like to have a bite or not.

It didn't bothered then, but now my soul needs to know.

Are you that heartless to not even offer food to another human?

P.S. I tasted your favourite pastry. Dark chocolate. I think you need to change your taste. It was very bitter like your tongue.

Your wife,
Pari.

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