The Beautiful Broken

Snapshots from the Honeymoon Album #2

Snapshots from the Honeymoon Album #2

The silvery light day was ebbing to a close. Today had been a busy day as Asfand and Zubiya had tried to complete as much of the sightseeing as possible. Asfand had been reluctant as he wanted to catch up on his sleep. Gaiti had however urged them to go around and had threatened to not let them back till they got a bunch of pictures. Zubiya being the obedient friend she was, had then managed to convince her reluctant husband. Now they were back at their hotel where Zubiya was spending time at the main hotel garden trying to read a book while Asfand had gone down to the cottage for a nap. She put down her book and glanced at the beautiful coastal scenery the palm trees, stretched across the silvery backwaters while the sky leaked all the colors of the pallete in the early evening.

Just then a young couple came into the same garden and occupied the next deck chair. Zubiya's own chair was set behind a row of dense palmyras so she was not visible to the young couple, but she had a good view of them. They looked like they were newly married and the girl especially sounded really young and excited. Zubiya stole a look at them through her sun glasses. The girl was very young and pretty, dressed in a pale pink sun dress and with a large floppy hat. Her easy dimpled smile and the flushed complexion made Zubiya guess she was 17 or 18. Her breathless enthusiasm and her sweet words reminded Zubiya of how she herself had been at the age of 17. Her companion was lying back on the lounger, not saying much and Zubiya could not see him as the girl was leaning towards him.

Zubiya was just drifting back to her book, when she heard the girl's voice raised insistently saying to the man, " Why cant we go back home now? I am sure they will be fine with us. They call my cell phone ten times a day, Why cant I reply ? . The man's voice sounded curt and angry, I will decide when you will speak to your parents. And don't you dare call them up. Not a word to anyone till I allow. The girl protested loudly. The man stood up suddenly, caught the girl's hand and firmly and angrily marched her away.

Zubiya's blood had already drained from her body at the sound of his voice and as she looked at them, her fears were confirmed. It was Rameez. She shrank back into her seat as they walked past, he literally dragging the girl. They did not notice her.

Zubiya put her book down with trembling hands and took off her sun glasses. Her forehead was covered with sweat. And her heart was beating unevenly and loudly. A disabling fear, just like the one she used to feel for many years, flooded her being. Jerkily she got up, looked for her beach sandals, picked up her hat and half ran off towards her own beach house.

When she reached the room, she slowed down and stood undecided. Should she tell Asfand about him? Still trembling she sat down on the steps outside the beach house. She knew that he was aware of Rameez, but they had never talked about it. And now, even though she knew her husband was a very understanding man, she some how felt reluctant to drag him to that unedifying phase of her life, which she herself wanted to forget. For Zubiya, the past was a deep dark place, a smelly, unholy cataclysm, which she had learnt to keep in control but had not had the courage to completely solve and put away forever.

She sat there and breathed hard to calm herself. She thought her past was like an old wound, scratch at the surface and it started to bleed right away. She was herself surprised by the intensity with which she felt the pain at seeing Rameez. The hatred for him and also for her own self, pity at the innocent 16 year old that she had been, the sorrow at the forgiveness she had begged for and never received, the desolation at being left alone and her existence ignored by the brother and father whom she depended upon for her life, the long years fighting with herself over her mistake and gradually building a wall around herself brick by brick, layer upon layer, where she trapped herself in repentance for the sin she had not committed. She couldn't possibly take Asfand to such a place and complicate his life. She got up slowly and went inside.