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—RILEY.
My hair drenched in water after just feeling like falling back into the water without any hesitation no matter if I was still wearing my clothes that seemed heavily weighing me down.
I felt like I just needed a cold bath and it most definitely cured a bit of my stress from this morning.
I then sit up in the bathtub just breathing heavily feeling as if I had accomplished something I was worried about doing in the first place which was setting up the system for myself to listen to Jahseh's pre-recorded Dvd disc he spent so much time upon.
I spent about a couple minutes lurking around the attic trying to find a small old tv which belonged to Kevin from when he use to live with his roommate back in college.
And May I add, The old box tv which I had douted in the first place was in perfect condition, And stealing a Dvd player which belonged in Jasmines and Kevin's room.
And them spending a couple more minutes to set things up.
➥After I had changed myself out of those soaked clothes and almost drying my hair I sat down with everything sloppily set up, And so I managed.
I began with inserting the disk into the DVD player. As it read Reading... I waited until a still blue colour showed upon the tv.
I looked down at the Dvd player which kept and kept reading the disk.
"My dear Riley, I advise you to have a very open mind when listening to this— If you are under the influence of a un-stable mind please call me and leave this for another time, If not please listen at your own risk, Love XXX" My eyes widened as his voice caught me off guard and left a smile on my face.
"I love you with all of my broken heart, This is Jahseh Onfroy to you Riley Sanetivia— Maybe one of the most stressful things I'd had to work on" He spoke with a small chuckle at the end.
"I know we haven't known each other for long but it feels like we've known each other for decades now" I could agree on this very statement.
"Our bond was a hell of a experience and the more we do these blood bonds the closer and inseparable we'll become and hopefully one day we can destroy the world" He then sighs proceeding to say.
"These are simple instructions, Inside the box there's a Note— Take out and read for a playlist created in a matter of no time".
I followed along, You could hear his heavy breathing in the background. The note now within my hands, A wrinkled paper with names to the songs of the playlist he has recently mentioned.
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A smile quickly grew upon my face As I read through his writing. "My name is my name, Don't ask me my name" I began to re-adjust my sitting position until my knees touched the cold floor sitting on my feet.
"Don't ask me about me, 'Cause you don't wanna know, You don't care to know" it made me feel as if there was pressure within my heart— And I felt as if my throat were clogged.
"Don't ask me how I am, Don't ask me about my plans. Just observe what I do" I proceed to close my eyes and try to relax my body.
"Just watch like everybody else does. And don't pretend to know me" Once that line was said I frowend my eyebrows keeping my eyes closed.
"Don't pretend you're enjoying my company. Don't pretend I'm not crazy. Don't pretend to love me. Don't pretend..." I couldn't help But to open my eyes with a sad look on my Face.
"Don't pretend none of this hurts and I won't pretend to feel— Cut it".
➥It was getting darker outside and then the next song began to play, 'Teeth'.
"I, I don't remember much. I just seen her dead in there It definitely stood out, I remember your smell when I touched you. How you used to talk to me, It all hurts so much now" As he spoke his high pitched vocals in the background kept a menacing melody.
"How could I waste so much time on someone who doesn't even love me" I decided to relax my body and close my eyes and think about him and his feelings once more.
"Even though all the time I spent, its just worthless. Now I feel like I don't even wanna live anymore, Save me" But again his words caught me off guard and this time this specific song gave me chills upon my skin.
I waited on him to began speaking again since there was a slight pause.
"Teeth, A message to tina belcher part 2, This was made specifically for you" A smile suddenly grew upon my face.
"It's the way you make me feel and I can't explain it, It's as if my lungs are tied and I begin to suffocate— Suffocating myself to death at its finest" It put a sad smile on my face.
"Changing topics— If I have to pretend I'm happy, If I have to pretend I'm not hurt, And to pretend I don't want you, Do you want to see me rot?" Suddenly confusion hit me I had no clue of what he was talking about.
"To end this off I think I'll end this by saying, For the longest I've been looking for a meaning behind my elephant tattoo and I now found it— You Riley are the elephant upon my neck".
Feeling onto my goosebumps on my skin before another beat began to play.
This song; His voice seemed calm and so far I was beginning to feel special myself.
"What I want just so happened to be you Couldn't picture being a moment in your shoes" I began to break down.
"When I think back to the kidney failures Broken promise, I failed I won't deny it, I held the ground you walk on" My cries we're gentle and silent.
I felt as if I needed to call him and confess all my sins; Missing his touch and his comfort no matter if he came with bad and worse.
"Heart stops, you walk away. You're good today, you're gone tomorrow; I carry my heart on my face, I'm so depressed. What good is sex?" If he'd see me as of now he'd tell me to pick myself up like I always do.
"I pray that you would love me less And now it's here, hand on my chest" I stopped it all there; All is hard work.
I sat there in silence having peace with my own head. He's everything and I felt like nothing.
If I was becoming his explanation for things that had no meaning in his life, Before I came along— What could the future hold?
Could this be the moment? The moment a lady figure expresses to you when you were younger.
Where they tell you to be strong in moments like these, Not loosing yourself for a selfish boy. Jahseh Onfroy I love you.
"Riley Sanetivia, I love you" My eyes shockingly shot at the paused DVD player which seemed to glitch.
