The truth is: living with chronic pain and mental illnesses really sucks.
I am hurting and in pain: ALL THE TIME! Nothing takes the pain away. I use a heating pad, ice pack, laying down, standing up, but honestly: it really freaking sucks.
My pain makes me so depressed and suicidal.
I just want to jump off a cliff and disappear.
I want my pain to STOP. But it never does.
I just have to live with this, unbearable pain.
I try to be okay,
But I'm not.
No one understands unless they have it.
I am falling,
In a deep,
And dark hole,
Of pain,
And depression.
****
"Genny? Honey?" Mom pats me on the shoulder.
Right now I am in my room, laying on my bed, and crying. Of course my sweet kitty Little had to come and love on me.
"Hey Momma, I am just, not doing so good."
"What's wrong?" She asks while I pet Little.
"My pain is really bad and suicidal thoughts are back." I sigh. But Little comes and sits in my lap. I pet his head and he purrs.
"I am sorry Honey."
I talk to Mom for a while and then I check my phone.
Jordan--Hey girl! Has Carter texted you yet? He needs to!
Jordan--Hey hey you there!?
Jordan--ANSWER ME!
Carter-- Hey Genny it's me, Carter. How are you?
I text to Jordan:
Me-- Hey girl!
Less than a minute later, she texts:
Jordan--Hey! Finally! How are you?
Me--Really bad
Jordan--I am sorry. Has Carter texted?
Me--Yeah, what do I say?!
Jordan--Just say hi and try to meet him somewhere!
Me--brb
I text Carter:
Me--Hey!
Within minutes after that, he texts:
Carter--Hey how are you?
Me--I am okay! How are you?
Carter--I am good! Would you like to go out somewhere sometime?
YES!!!!!!!!!!
Me--Yeah! When? Where?
Carter--Tonight? A surprise on where we go!
YES!!!!!
Me--Yeah! What time?
Carter--6?
Me--Sure!
That's three hours away from now, I need to get ready! I need Jordan's help!
Me--Jay! I am meeting Carter in 3 hours, come over ASAP!
YOU ARE READING
Learning To Live Again
SpiritualMeet Genny, Who for the past five years, she has been: depressed, suicidal, in and out of mental hospitals. Also she was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar, social anxiety, and fibromyalgia. She hasn't been close with God in years. Now she...
