"Hey Honey, come sit down. Ash wants to tell us something." Mom tells me as I walk in the house.
Oh crap, what could this be?
I sit down on the couch beside Mom and Dad is sitting in the love seat. Little Bit jumps up and sits with me. Crazy Cat is sleeping on the cat tree and Spike is sitting with Dad.
"Okay, what is it?" I ask.
"I am depressed, suicidal, and I have been cutting." Ash blurts out and show us her arms. Her arms are full of scars.
I knew she was depressed for the past year but I didn't know she was suicidal and cutting herself.
"Okay, Ash and, why don't y'all leave the room. Let me and Dad talk." Mom tells us while Spike climbs on her lap.
I go back to my room and just sigh.
Everything is so stressful.
I need to text Carter and Jordan.
I check my phone and see Jordan has already texted me.
Jordan--Hey girl! How did it go at Carter's parents house?
I text her back:
Me--It was an adventure! Carter's 16 year old sister is pregnant and just told her family tonight
Jordan--Wow. Aren't they Catholics?
Me--Yep. So you can imagine how great it went.
Jordan--Yeah super great. How are you?
Me--Hurting and stressed out. Ash told us tonight that she is depressed, suicidal, and has been cutting her arms. It's horrible Jay. Completely horrible!!
Jordan--I am so sorry girl! I will be praying!
Me--It's okay girl. Thank you
Jordan--Get some rest it's like past my bed time.
Me--Lol okay bye love you!
Jordan--Bye! xoxo
Now time to text Carter!
Me--Hey!
Within minutes he says:
Carter--Hey!
Me--Can I call you? Something very bad is happening
My phones rings so I answer it:
"Hello?"
"Hey it's me."
I hear that voice and know it's Carter.
"Hey, something horrible just happened!"
"What is it?"
He asks and I say:
"Ash just told me, Mom, and Dad that she is depressed, suicidal, and has been cutting her arms. It's horrible Carter! I don't know what to do!"
"I am so sorry Gen." He comforts me.
"Mom and Dad are talking about what to do. They may put her in a mental hospital. I have been to a mental hospital four times and it's awful!"
"I am so sorry Gen! Just know I am here for you."
"Thanks Carter. You really are the best."
"You are welcome and anytime! Just keep me updated. I am exhausted and I am going to bed. Goodnight beautiful!
"Goodnight handsome."
I hang up the phone and fall back on my bed.
I feel so exhausted and my body hurts SO bad. Mental illnesses and chronic illness is KILLING ME! Mental illness is killing the people I love. Mom has bipolar, depression, and anxiety. Dad has depression. Ash has depression, anxiety, and social anxiety. Ash is currently very depressed and she will probably have to go to a mental hospital. Mom and Dad are both depressed. Everyone is suffering and there is nothing I can do about it. Living with mental illness and chronic illness is hell.
I feel so lost, confused, sad, hurt, down, depressed, and I just want everything to be better. Seeing your family suffer from anything is hard. Knowing there is nothing you can do to help is harder.
I don't know what to do anymore...
I feel so sleepy...
Goodnight everyone! Peace!
***
"Genny! Wake up! We have news about Ash!" Mom tells me as she comes into my room to wake me up.
I look over at the clock and see it's 8:00 in the morning.
"So what's the news about Ash?" I ask Mom.
"She is going into the mental hospital. She is packing to go right now." Mom sighs.
I can see in her brown eyes that she is exhausted and depressed. Her daughter is going into the mental hospital. She is not okay and neither am I.
"Hey." I halfway smiles at Ashen.
"ASHEN! IT'S TIME TO GO!" Mom screams for Ashen.
"Get better. I am going to miss you." I cry as I hug her goodbye.
"I love you Gen."
"I love you to Ash. Get better."
She waves at me goodbye and I just feel like crap.
Just know how bad she is, is overwhelmed. I feel so helpless. I know she will probably stay at the hospital for a week. We can go visit her next week for a few hours. So that will be good. I just have no words. I feel so empty. I know when Mom and Dad come home from taking her to the hospital, they will be a mess. Honestly, I am a mess. But it is what it is.
Now it's time to take Kara to her doctor's appointment.
This will be an adventure.
****
Hey beautiful! I hope you enjoyed this! I love you so much! Thank you so much for reading. You are the best❤️
-xoxo Caty❤️
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Learning To Live Again
SpiritualMeet Genny, Who for the past five years, she has been: depressed, suicidal, in and out of mental hospitals. Also she was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar, social anxiety, and fibromyalgia. She hasn't been close with God in years. Now she...
