Wash Away the Pain

Five

Ceaishia

My head was pounding all night. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't get the image of Kevin off my mind. He violated me and acted like he didn't. The worst part was the look in his eyes. As if he was sorry but I knew he wasn't. He looked confused. Like he wasn't sure if it happened or not.

I should stay away from everyone for a while. Including him.

I heard the door open and people talking downstairs.
It had to be the crew because no one knocks anymore they all have a key. Except for Kevin. He never comes over unless Lamari brings him.

I slowly made my way down the stairs just enough to watch what was going on. Not enough to be seen by everyone.

"Kevin?". What is he doing here? I hope he isn't looking for me. I really don't want him to explain to me what happened. I already know because I was there.

I. I. I can't do this. My chest was tight, and it was hard to breathe. The air in the room was hot.

"Leave! Leave now! Get out! Get the hell out of here!". I screamed at Kevin. No one knew what was going on. Everyone turned to me and told me to calm down.

"I don't want you here. Just leave please." Kevin knows but I don't want to explain to everyone why I hate him. How do you tell your friends that he raped you? Would they believe me?

Kevin started to walk towards me. Let's just say I lost it. He wrapped his arms around me, and I couldn't breathe anymore. I was freaking out. My mind went blank, and I froze.

"Let. Let. P. P. Please?". I passed out. All I remember was a black room. I was asleep. Did he take me again? Did they let him? Do they even care about me? They think I'm crazy.

"Cece, wake up! seriously wake up". Everyone was standing over me staring down at me as if to tell me someone close to me had died.

"What do you want? why are you yelling at me"? I was wet between my legs. I felt so exposed and vulnerable I couldn't understand what was going on with me I just knew that I needed to get out of here. I quickly grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom slamming the door behind me.

Oh god what's wrong with me? everyone is standing out there in my room waiting for me to explain myself. This situation with me and Kevin which I could barely wrap my head around. It's stupid nothing really happened. I was just drunk. Wow pfft I never even thought of that possibility.

Kevin is one of my best friends. I don't know him well, but I accept him. He would never hurt me, right?

I sat on my bed after washing my face and finally calming myself. I just sat there staring into space. I hope I'm not going crazy. I need to get my drinking under control. I can't cause my friend of raping me when I can't even remember what happened.

I jumped as I heard a bang. It's just Kevin. I guess he doesn't know his one strength. He starts rambling about something. I sit and listen closely. I'm not surprised at what I hear. He likes me. I already knew. He states at me all the time and when I try to talk to him he seems so nervous. It's not that hard to tell that maybe he has a little crush.

I tell him the truth. I don't know him well enough to have mutual feelings. He doesn't seem upset by this. He releases a heavy sigh as if holding his breath. He says he'll be back and then he's gone.