Wake Up

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Keke POV

The next day, I returned to the hospital before Khalil's mother could get a chance to arrive. I bought a bouquet of flowers and arrived ten minutes before visitation hours started.

I decided not to go to school today and had my mom call in sick for me. She was reluctant to do so, but did nonetheless.

When the nurse said I could go see Khalil, I wasted no time to go to the room. Khalil was stirring in his sleep quite a lot and it was making me anxious.

"Good morning, Khalil." I said to him although he couldn't respond in the state he was in.

I watched as Khalil turned his head and released a breath of air. I was let down when he didn't open his eyes. I missed his chocolate brown eyes. The way they glistened when he stared intently at someone. The way they got glossy when he was close to tears, but still managed to keep his pride when at his weakest point. The way they changed to a beautiful and mesmerizing hazel when he was pissed off at me, but still managed to look innocent and suck me in every time. They way they were able to hide his past and the things he went through at home.

Even when Travis beat him up so bad, he couldn't walk, his eyes still seemed to hold that last bit of hope and happiness even when all seemed to be at loss. I loved his eyes in general, and I was honestly jealous of him for possessing such power. The power to lie to everybody and make it look like he was perfectly fine when it was obvious he wasn't. I couldn't do that. I couldn't lie and throw on a smile and have my eyes lie for me, especially when I knew that someone else knew how bad I was doing.

Khalil was a person worthy of my envy even though he royally pisses me off at times. I was actually curious on how he was able to do that, lie and make it seem like everything was fine. I was jealous.

"Khalil," I sighed."I miss you. I miss your smile, your voice, your humor, your beautiful eyes. I miss you." I rambled on and on for what seemed like forever until I felt a light squeeze in my hand. I cut myself off when that small amount of pressure on my small hand. He actually responded somehow.

"Khalil?!" I exclaimed. "Khalil, if you can hear my annoying voice, squeeze my hand again." I squealed when he did. I allowed more tears to escape my eyes and I jumped up and down.

"Calm down." His voice said as his eyes fluttered open. He took a moment to adjust to his surroundings and rubbed his eyes with a yawn. "I heard you talking this whole time. Calm down." He said.

I smiled and wiped my eyes, not wanting him to see me crying.

"Khalil, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do what I did. I shouldn't have left you when you were in the hospital and needed me the most. I'm sorry for kicking you at your lowest point and being the reason you committed suicide. I'm sorry you're here and I'm living my life like nothing happened. I really do miss you and I would do anything to get you back. I love you Khalil Underwood and I always will, regardless of you cheating on me with Logan and me being in a relationship with Issa and I'm just so... so sorry. I miss you and if you were here to talk to me, I'd probably be crying my eyes out and --"

"Keke," Khalil laughed. "Stop. I know. I'm sorry too."

I smiled and looked up at him. He looked even more beautiful than before. Moments ago, I could see the exhausting and the depressed features he possessed. Now, I could see the peace he seemed to be in and the way he spoke told me that he wasn't sad anymore.

"Are you better?" I asked. "Are you still depressed?"

He nodded his head and sighed. "Words cannot express how sorry I am for putting you through this, but believe me when I say that you're the best thing to ever happen to me. You made me happy for a while and if I could find a way to make up to all the abuse I put you through and the pain from all of this, I would. I really would." He wiped a tear that I let escape. "I love you Keyandra Wilson. Now, go somewhere and be happy. You deserve it. And just so you know, I'll be watching Issa and if he does anything to hurt you, I'll--"

Khalil was cut off by me waking up in my dark bedroom. The clock blinked 1:16 AM, the horrid time that was always permanently screwed in my head. For the last few days, I'd been waking up at that time and just like this time, I'd been crying.

Warm tears just kept flowing form my eyes and I refused to let them stop. I allowed them to continue because I knew that it'd help me heal as time went on. I'd been told for the longest that if you cry and let it all out, you'll feel at peace after a while. I'd been used to this type of stuff. I'd been used to crying for a day or two then living life normally, but this time seemed to be different, for I'd been crying for nearly a week.

Why couldn't it be me? I deserved this, not him.

I missed Khalil with all my heart and I wished that it'd been me who Avery and my mom and Khalil found on my bedroom floor already dead. I wished that I'd been the one to leave, not Khalil. I didn't know he was that bad until Avery said so.

If only I was faster. If only I made my way over to his house faster. If I checked my Snapchat earlier. If I knew how bad he was before. If only I was smarter. If I was a better girlfriend.

At the moment, I didn't care that Logan and Khalil had been sleeping around for a while, nor did I care that Logan had lied to me about it. I just wanted Khalil in my bed with his arm wrapped around me like we used to do after fights. I wished we were both happy with our relationship instead of keeping secrets. I wish we were both happier in general.

Tomorrow was the funeral and I had to speak on behalf of Khalil's friends. I wasn't looking forward to it. I originally wasn't going to do it. It was going to be Avery, who'd known Khalil longest between all of his friends. But Avery volunteered for me to do it because I was the person who Khalil loved the most. Who loved Khalil the most out of his friends. I was Khalil's everything.

I let more tears escape my eyes before I finally picked up my phone and called Khalil's phone. I hoped desperately for an answer of some sort, but nothing. It rang and rang and rang and then I heard voice mail.

"Hey, you reached Khalil. Sorry I couldn't get to the phone right now, but sing me a song and I'll reply back. Bye beautiful. Peace!" I could only imagine him sticking his tongue out and closing one eye and holding up his fingers as he said "Peace!", the way he did all the time. I could imagine his beautiful smile and corny jokes. Him wearing his mom''s bra and a raggedy wig and flaunting around his house cracking jokes like he used to do when we hung out at his house. I could imagine Khalil telling me how beautiful he thought I was and him spitting facts left and right about serious topics and still finding someway to make a person smile when he was at his lowest. I just found a way to reminisce about everything he's ever done for me. I missed Khalil with all my heart. I wished I was there for him. I wished he knew just how much I loved him.

i'M SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUCKS. i'M SORRY I COULDN'T MAKE THIS BETTER, BUT PLEASE TRY TO ENJOY. Just know I almost shed a tear writing this because i thought about Cindy. But enjoy ? Please. Thanks...

 ~•RIP CINDY 02.08.98-01.27.14•~
~•#PRAY4LIZ•~
~•Miqualia•~

TWO LEFT...well one and a epilogue

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