i needed love, but you're too late now

chapter 9

jin's POV
wow kookie sure has been saving his time with namjoon. he's taking longer to get home then i expected him to. i hope he's ok, this thing with namjoon has really affected him. jungkook and him have such a close bond with each other. i'm honestly surprised that haven't gotten in each other's pants ye- "jinnnn~" i look over and see yoongi leaning on the door to enter in our dorm. "yes?" i asked. "why haven't you gone to bed yet? i'm tiredddd." "if you're so tired then why don't you just go to bed right now?" "because it's impossible for me to sleep without you there!" "i'm sure you can manage," i say coming off more harshly than i intended to. "hey is everything ok?" he asked. "*sigh* i'm just really worried about jungkook. not saying that i'm not worried about namjoon because that would be completely untrue. but jungkook hasn't come here yet and...i don't know i'm just being stupid." yoongi leaves his standing position next to the door to come sit by me. "i can see why you're worried, but everything will be ok. even though jungkook is having a tough time right now, he has namjoon to keep him strong. to be his motivation." "yeah, i guess you're right...thanks yoongi." he leans over and gives me the gentlest kiss i've ever received, and i loved it. "hey also, what do you mean by jungkook hasn't come here yet, doesn't he have his own place?" "yeah but i told him i didn't want him by himself so i'm making him stay here for a while. is that ok?" "it's perfectly fine with me sweetheart." after he said that we shared a hug and i just felt this feeling of comfort wash over me, until- "jin and yoongi hyung! i'm home!" -that happened.

jungkook's POV
since the others took the car when they left the hospital earlier, i ended up having to walk home. i should've thought about that at the time but too late now. jin is making me stay with him and yoongi because i don't think he trusts me by myself. i finally reached their place and entered. i yelled out that i was home but instead of welcoming hellos i received loud foot steps and a worried jin. "where have you been?! you had us-" yoongi cleared his throat, "ME worried sick!" "sorry hyung, i wanted to stay with namjoon as long as i could and then i had to walk home." "why didn't you just call me? i would've headed down there to pick you up," yoongi asked. "i thought you guys were already asleep and i didn't want to bother you." "*sigh* don't worry jungkook, you never bother us," yoongi said. "well not ALWAYS," jin said with his hands on his hips. "hey!" i say while playfully pushing jin. he and yoongi were laughing for a bit, but then he asked, "so, how's namjoon doing?" "not well. i knew he wasn't as smiley as the rest of us but i mean, how could've i have not noticed what was happening behind all those smiles." "hey jungkook, it's not your fault, ok? none of us noticed what was happening," yoongi said. "i guess but still we would've been able to get him help sooner." i sighed and once again spoke, "i think i'm going to bed, see you guys in the morning." i exited the room and went into their guest room. i put on my pajamas without bothering to do anything else. i slipped into bed and closed my eyes.
47 minutes later
some time has passed now, and i can't seem to fall asleep. i think my anxiety over namjoon has something to do with it. but why though? i know that he's safe in the hospital with nurses and doctors taking care of him. and i know that he can't do any more harm to himself while he's there. come on jungkook, just close your eyes and go to sleep. the sooner you fall asleep the sooner you'll be able to see your namjoon! my namjoon? he's not mine. whatever, my mind always slips into weird places when i'm tired. actually, now thinking about it, 'my namjoon' kinda has a nice ring to it...NO! STOP IT JUNGKOOK! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! *sigh* this is going to be a long night.

namjoon's POV
it's nearing around 1am now and i still can't stop thinking about jungkook. so many thoughts are running through my head. he's into guys? he likes taehyung? why did i even have to like him in the first place? why is my mind so stupid? he probably knows i like him. it's so obvious. great job namjoon. being a screw up as usual. ugh, i wish my mind would just shut up. oh well, nothing i can do about that right now. anyways, i can't wait to get out of this dumb hospital. the doctors said i'd be released in about 6 days. which is still too long but i'll take what i can get. and that i know jungkook likes taehyung and would be happier with him, i know for a fact that there's no point in me living anymore. i've been creating a plan in my mind since jungkook left.
1. get out of this hospital
2. tell my 6 friends that i'm visiting my parents for a while
3. actually go home and write my suicide note
4. put it somewhere where i know only my true friends could find it
5. swallow a handful a sleeping pills
6. hopefully leave this godforsaken world
the most
pretty simple if i do say so myself. even though i said the same thing about my last plan. at the very last moment when all my suffering could've been over, that golden maknae sneaked into my mind and stopped me. but he won't be able to do it this time. this time, i can finally say goodbye to my life. perfect.

ello there mates! this took longer to make than i wished but it's done now sooo yay! i'm sure some of you are just finishing school or finished a while ago but my school finally gets out this thursday! jesus that took way too long. but i literally feel so stressed because i have a final exam coming in social studies on monday, a julius caesar project that we were given like a month to do but it's due this tuesday and guess who hasn't started it yet...it's me, and a final exam in science. i just want to bash my head into a wall enough times that i can die but hahaha that probably won't happen sadly :'). i would like to apologize to skyinq or skycocoa for being a horrible partner lol. i'll probably finish the study guide by today or tomorrow soooo... yeah *finger guns*. i just wrote a lot stuff and accidentally deleted it so to sum it up, thank you for over 800 reads! you guys are amazing! until next time, have a wonderful day/night! :3