i needed love, but you're too late now

chapter 8

namjoon's POV
i-i...what? i don't think my heart is one piece anymore. this feeling is worse than any blade can ever give me. who knew just five little words can make your whole world crash down in under ten seconds? my emotions start taking over and i just want to cry. just go somewhere where i can be left alone without anyone finding me. but at the same time, i want someone to comfort me. hold me close and tell me everything will be alright and that all of this is just a nightmare. but that won't happen. jungkook will never love me. but hey i mean how can someone love you when you don't even love yourself. i will not cry though. not in front of jungkook after what he's told me. just put on that dumb fake smile that you always do namjoon. no one notices you're suffering behind it so it must look real enough. be strong for jungk- "hyung? is everything alright? you look...overwhelmed," jungkook suddenly said. oh yeah, i kinda forgot he was here. "oh yes i'm perfectly fine. just kinda shocked you know?" "is it because i like boys?" (btw jungkook and namjoon are the only people who didn't know the other was gay or bi out of the whole group. i thought i should clarify that before continuing.) "what? absolutely not kookie! i mean hell, i like boys myself." i immediately covered my mouth with my hand. why did i just say that! oh god i'm so stupid! "you do?" he asked me. oh gOD WHAT DO I SAY! *sigh* screw it, there's really no denying it at this point. "uh yeah, i'm hella gay," i say with an awkward smile. jungkook just started to chuckle a little. was it something i said? does he not believe i'm gay? i'm so confused. "don't worry hyung i'm not laughing at you at all. just who would've thought that literally all of our friends group are into guys." "yeah i guess you're right." i start to chuckle a little too after thinking about it.

jungkook's POV
hearing namjoon actually laugh brought a smile to my face. now thinking about it, i haven't heard him laugh in such a long time. i'll try and fix that soon, but not now. after our laughter died down it just kinda got awkward, until he said, "so, uh..taehyung?" he said. right, forgot we were talking about that. "yeah um..i don't know when i started liking him he's just..taehyung you know? how can anyone resist him?" i say. "but it could never work, with him and jimin dating and all," i say before he can say something else. "i love him though, no matter what my brain is telling my heart." i didn't hear namjoon say anything for a while, so me being curious, i looked at him and he just had this look on his face. kinda like when you're taking a test in school and you have no idea what the fuck you're doing but then you sense the teacher looking at you so you make a face like you're thinking really hard, you know that face?

namjoon's POV
i'm completely okay with jungkook liking taehyung. i mean, don't get me wrong it makes me wanna lock myself in my room for 7 years but oh well what are you gonna do? there's just one thing though that confuses the crap out of me. that one night when i saw jimin and jungkook whispering stuff to each other, could they have been talking about jungkook liking taehyung? the looks on their faces looked like when one of your friends has a crush on someone and that's all you can talk about. no that can't be, right? jimin is dating taehyung and he is SO possessive of taehyung. he wouldn't have been that accepting if jungkook had told him. honestly he most likely would've punched the living daylights out of jungkook. oh well, maybe i can ask him about it later. then i look back at jungkook. right! how do i keep forgetting he's here?! "that's true, you never know though. maybe you'll find someone else to love. someone who loves you with all their heart. who thinks you're the most perfect human alive and would take a bullet for you any day of the week," i say. "yeah, maybe. wouldn't that be great though? it'll probably take me at least 10 years to find someone who thinks that. but it'll be worth the wait," he says. oh jungkook, if only you knew.

jungkook's POV
i could tell namjoon was about to say something else, but was cut off by the door opening, "mr.jeon? visiting hours are over now. you have to go home and leave mr.kim here to get some rest," the nurse says. dang it, those 5 minutes went by way too fast. oh well. "oh okay, i'll be on my way then. i'll come back to see you tomorrow hyung. the rest of the group will probably be here too," i say. he just nods and gives me a quiet "sounds good." i give him a hug and exit the room. it already feels wrong to leave him there. but he needs rest, and to be honest so do i. tomorrow is soon enough, right? yeah, i'm sure it is....

hello everyone! wow i know i'm actually alive. weird huh? i was talking to my friends saying something like don't you hate it when you're reading a fanfiction and the person leaves you on a cliffhanger and then one of them said oh yeah kinda like yours. then i remembered, oh god i have a fanfiction! sooo thanks to that friend for reminding me lol. hopefully all of you guys have been good for the last like 6 months. thank you guys so much for over 500 reads! that's WAY more than i expected to get. i can't promise i'll update more regularly but hopefully shorter than like a two month break between each chapter. but like i said, i can't promise anything! also this is irrelevant but I GET TO GO TO A BTS CONCERT AND IM SO EXCITED LIKE IM JUST TDKLUSLURKSRYR (sorry i don't mean to brag but i mean holy shi-) anyways! hopefully all of you have a wonderful day/night <3. i'll try my best to talk to you guys again! bai bai! (also i won't be writing the dates at the top anymore because what's the point when most of the stuff is happening on the same day)