Fear is Power

7

-less depressing chapter-
Phoenix's POV

First period was maths. God I hated maths. I tried so hard. Mother used to force me to get tutoring, but there was no point. I was useless. My brain never seemed to think logically.

I just sat there staring hopelessly at my blank piece of paper hoping that the answers would magically pop up onto the page, but it was no use.

"Phoenix?" I heard someone say accusingly, so I sighed and looked up to see who it was. And there he was, Mr Chase looking annoyed and folding his arms to emphasise his irritation.

"How about focusing less on what your paper looks like, and more on actually doing the work?" He continued, waiting with a fake smile on his mouth for me to reply.
"Sorry sir..." I murmured trying to keep my hood up and my face covered as much as possible.

I looked at the textbook next to me and pretended to look like I knew how the hell to do any of this stuff, hoping that he fell for it.

Then I heard someone behind me whisper, "Get it together Phoenix!"
Glancing behind me I realised it was Danny with a look of pure amusement on his face. "You don't want to have to get tutoring again do you? And it's only the first day back, at least make a good impression on the teachers, then you can focus on being a complete idiot later okay?" He said smirking at me. I glared back at him.

Well in order to actually DO the work, I needed to know how to actually do it, which is something I definitely didn't know. Wow this stuff is hard.
I almost screamed with happiness when the bell went to signal end of period 1, as I almost skipped to English (although I didn't, cause I don't want more people to look at me).

I love writing, it's all I ever do in my free time. It's slightly embarrassing though, how much I love it, especially since I have had a notebook where I write all my emotions down since I was ten.

I used to get angry and the only way to get rid of my feelings was to put it in my notebook. I felt that I just felt depressed whenever I bottled up my feelings, and the only way to let it out was through pouring it into my notebook. I could concentrate, as if the pain was no longer inside my head, but on the pages. And when I closed my book, I closed my feelings. And that's how it's been ever since.

As I walked into the classroom, I approached my seat. One of my classmates that goes by the name of Phil or something was sitting where I usually sit.

Not to be annoying or anything, but like dude? There's something called a seating plan. Ever heard of it?

"Sorry Phoenix, I wanted to sit next to my friend. I hope that's alright. I'm sure you can sit on the table with Elliot in my old seat right?"

I can't exactly say no...he was being sincere and didn't mean any harm by it I'm sure.
"Yeah okay I don't see why not.." I said quietly and walked over towards Elliot. So much for this being a good English lesson.

"Hey Phoenix? What's up? Didn't anyone want to sit next to you?" Elliot smiled.

Seriously? The second I get here he's insulting me. Great. Just great. I can't wait for this lesson to end and I've only just got here.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring him as I sat in the chair next to him. One of the few nice people at this school that I actually talked to was usually sitting opposite Elliot. But he was nowhere to be found. That reminded me, where the hell has he been lately? I haven't talked to him in about two months? Oh I feel so bad now, I should at least have called him. The last I heard of him was his grandmother died.

Where's Paul?" I asked Elliot hesitantly.
"Do you really not know? Jesus Phoenix," He said in an accusing tone, as if somehow offended by my lack of brain cells.
"What is it?!" I rushed, sounding panicked and paranoid. Way to go Phoenix! You could have just asked Danny.
"He left like two months ago." Two months? How didn't I notice?
"Why?"
"I think he went to some university early or something."
Damn I knew he was smart, but going to university already? Wow that is pretty impressive. I'm proud of him, although it was nice to have someone else to talk to other than Danny I guess.
"Oh...alright..."
"Don't look so upset! He was way smarter than you anyway. And besides, the girl who's replacing him is at least an 8/10."
I grimaced at his last comment, and looked up to see what the English teacher was saying, hoping that Elliot would keep his mouth shut.

"...Our new student transferred from..." he said, clearly forgetting what he just said.
"I am from London sir." The girl corrected. I couldn't see her face, but from behind me I could feel Elliot staring at her. Rolling my eyes yet again I turned back to facing the empty chair and stared at the wall.

"So tell me a little about yourself." The teacher said, gesturing for her to walk forwards up to the front of the class.

"Um hey everyone, I moved here with my parents from London and um...yeah..." she said a little awkwardly. I could hear that she was nervous. I mean I don't blame her. Humiliating myself in public seems to be a hobby for me these days, I mean sure I don't enjoy it, but who cares, at least everyone else does.

"So what do you do in your spare time? Do you have any hobbies?" The teacher asked, clearly sensing her nerves.

"Well I like watching Netflix? I mean who doesn't to be honest, and I like reading? Usually sci-fi or fantasy related and......."

Suddenly she stopped talking and you could hear her speechlessness surprising everyone.

I felt a weird tingling feeling in the back of my head, like everyones eyes were on me. I frowned, feeling rather confused, and looked up to see the entire class staring at me.

"Uhhhh..." I said rather intelligently, looking hopefully at the teacher.

Then someone said my name.

I looked curiously around the classroom, looking yet again very intelligent as I made my confused face, a few people snickering behind me.

Then I saw her. My heart stopped when I looked at her face. It was Kiara, my old best friend from when I was younger. I just couldn't believe it. Kiara of all people? What was she even doing here? She has been the only one who really knew me, even better than Danny or my own mother. She was there for me before I knew Malcolm. And before I wore my hood.

The more I thought about the whole situation, the more it started to make sense. How had I not noticed this before?

Kiara. The new student, how she loved reading and that she came from London. How she looked so perfect when she smiled. How she always walked with a spring in her step. How she naturally drew people to her, she practically radiated confidence when she walked through the halls, how everyone stared at her in awe.

How she was the one who stopped me from hurting.

I remembered it, I remembered it all.

And I remembered what she did.

She wouldn't stop looking at me, her eyes filled with emotion.

I tried to tear my eyes away from hers, but I couldn't. My breathing stopped when we carried on staring intently into each other's eyes.

Then her mouth formed a small smile.

"Phoenix." She breathed.