Fear is Power

16

Phoenix's POV

I was in a dreamless sleep, my hands motionless by my sides and my eyes closed as I lay on the floor with Kiara peacefully asleep, snoring lightly on my bed beside me.
"Hahahahaha what's that?" Kiara suddenly said from beside me, making me jolt upwards from surprise, waking me up from my sleep.
"Uh what's what?" I asked. First of all, it was only nine in the morning, which was way to early to wake me up, and secondly, why didn't she reply to me. Didn't she hear me? I'm sure I was loud enough. Oh well maybe she can't hear under the covers.
"Kiara?" I asked again, louder this time to make sure she would hear me better.
She rolled over on the bed lazily to face me, but her eyes were still closed, her face crinkling where she was laughing and talking again in her sleep.
"No Phoenix!" She said laughing, her eyes closed.
Why was she dreaming about me? I remember she used to do this when we were younger. I always found it kinda...cute.
"Wait what?" She began. I tried to ignore her and go back to sleep, but I couldn't. "I don't want to do that mummy I've told you I don't. Please don't make me, it should be my choice."
She paused, almost as if waiting for the other person to talk in her dream.
"No mum no?! I don't want to leave him! I will miss him too much!"
Blushing, I waited for her to carry on. I should have woken her up but I'm insensitive as hell. Plus I was curious...she was clearly dreaming about me. It was obvious she was dreaming about when she left for another school, and I was sitting upright staring at her, my chin resting on my hands and listening deeply to her every word.
"But I don't want to!" She said loudly, then began crying softly.
I sighed, adding yet another regret to my list. I shouldn't have been so harsh on her. I believed for years that she just wanted to hang out with me because she was sorry for me, but yet again I was wrong and need to stop jumping to conclusions. I kept hurting people, and it's not fair as they don't deserve that, no one does. And I know how that dream feels, I've had it multiple times.

Standing up and sitting on my bed beside her, I gently shook her, trying to wake her.
"Kiara?" I said gently, making sure not to startle her.
"Kiara. Wake up." I said and shook her more firmly. What's wrong with her? It was usually much easier to wake her up than this.
"KIARA!" I shouted, as I was starting to panic. I've been calling her name for about five minutes now, and it was starting to worry me that I couldn't wake her up.
"No don't do that!" She screamed, thrashing around the bed, almost falling off a few times.
"For God's sake Kiara,"  I started, "please wake up!" I shouted, so loudly that he neighbours could probably hear me.

Quickly she opened her eyes and clenched her fists until they turned white. She looked around the room confused and clutching the bedsheets to her chest.
Opening her mouth wide she gasped, muttering 'what?' under her breath and searched the room in front of her until she saw me beside her.
"What happened? Are you alright?" I said worriedly, thinking about hugging her but going against it.
"Oh no Phoenix I'm fine!" She said and smiled at me. I could tell she was lying, as her eyes looked guilty the second they met mine.
"Kiara..." I said, going in to hug her since she was clearly upset, but changing my mind as I needed to keep my distance.
"Look I can tell you're upset and I can't force you to tell me anything, but at least come downstairs for some breakfast? We have cereal and toast and stuff come on it's like nine in the morning" I said standing up and holding my hand out for her so I could help her up.
"Alright." She said and clasped her hand in mine so I could pull her up.

She didn't let go of my hand.

"Uh what is it? You kinda spaced out for a second." She said looking expectantly at me.
I really need to stop doing that.
"N-nothing," I replied, not looking in her eyes.
What is she doing? Why is she holding my hand? I told her we could never be anything. Well to be honest I told her to get the hell away from me and here she is sleeping in my bed and holding my hand. Whatever strategy I was trying to use clearly wasn't working.

"Well aren't we going...?" She said waiting for me to start walking downstairs.
"Uhhhh," I said still distracted by her hand.
Sighing and rolling her eyes, she pulled me, still holding my hand, into my kitchen and started getting bowls out.

It started to freak me out that I hadn't got the courage to pull my hand away from hers. It was kinda embarrassing, I found it confusing, but...nice.

Shaking my head and trying to stop overthinking things as usual, I hesitantly pulled my hand away from hers.

"So what do you want? We have uh cornflakes and bagels and..." I trailed off as she held my hand AGAIN.

What game is she playing? She knows we can never be more than friends. She could just eh doing it in a friend-way? Is that a thing?

Pulling my hand away awkwardly I walked over to put some bread in the toaster. I needed to get her out of my thoughts, she was messing with my head. I don't want to get too attached to her again. But this is getting pretty hard considering she is standing right behind me, and I can definitely feel her staring at me.

I hated liking someone in that way. You know when you're friends but there's almost something more to it than that. The weird in-between or friend-zone that I did NOT  want to get back into again. She was constantly in the back of my head and it was driving me crazy, so I needed to push her away so I didn't get hurt again. I went to a dark place when she left, and I don't want to ever go back there.

A.N. Vote/comment me stuff please!!
Some shit is gonna go down in the next chapter, and it's gonna be really emotional and stuff so keep reading! ✌️