Fear is Power

20

^^ They probably mean Chico

Phoenix's POV

The second the door was banged shut, I bolted up the stairs to my room. I could tell Malcolm was drunk, as I could smell it like a perfume surrounding him. Closing the door, I put my desk to it, leaning it on it's side and switching off the light in my bedroom so it was like I wasn't there.

Going to the window to open it, I saw Kiara outside walking back home. She was walking reasonably slow, and kept looking back at my house every once in a while. I kept looking at her, was I staring? Smiling to herself, she said rather loudly, "I can see you Phoenix, what are you staring at?"
Yup I was staring.
Making me freeze in the spot, I pursed my lips nervously and said nothing hoping she would let me get away with not answering.
"Why are you blushing? I can see you from here, you've gone bright red!"
Seeing the confused look in my eyes, she said giggling, "You were staring at me from your window for like 30 seconds. Creepy much?"
I said something smooth like, "Well-I-ugh-didn't-no-wait," while she was still laughing.
"I'm erm..sorry I didn't mean to," I said apologetically.
I'm absolutely amazing at making things awkward. I decided to adopt it as a sort-of hobby of mine.
"Hah don't worry it's fine. But I was just wondering if you wanted to, well I mean you don't have to or anything, but would you work on the Geography project with me? Like be in my group?" She smiled, trying to move on from my awkwardness.
I was slightly taken aback by this, as I'd watched about five people ask her if they could be with her. And plus because she was standing outside my house basically shouting at me, which was pretty weird too.
"Oh! Um sure. Who's the other person though? Don't we have to work in threes or something to cover the unnecessary amount of work?
"Oh yeah it's Brianna. You're okay with that right? I mean I've never actually seen you two talk to each other so I thought you wouldn't mind."
Who is Brianna? I've never heard of her in my life.
Seeing the yet again confused look on my face, she said, "She's one of Elliot's ex girlfriends."
Ex girlfriends? Well that's good, at least we can both talk about how much of an absolute jerk he is, I'm sure we'll get on fine.
"Yeah that sounds fine, can we start the project soon though? I want to get a head start so we can get the most marks."
Wow I'm such a nerd.
"Yes, I'm free all next week, after school and I'll talk to Brianna about it and text you."
"But you don't have my number?"
"I do, Danny gave it to me." She said matter-of-factly, trying hard to hide her triumphant grin.
Of course he did.
"Okay now who's being the creepy one?!" I said laughing.
She laughed back, shaking her head.
"Okay well I have to go now, if my mum has actually noticed I've gone, she will be wondering where I am. See you on Monday!" She said smiling and waving at me, waiting for me to wave back.

Closing the window and smiling to myself, I turned around to see Malcolm looking straight at me, with a glare on his face. How did he get in? I swear I pulled my desk to cover the door. He raised his eyebrows and gestured for me to say something, as if to explain the smile placed on my face a few seconds ago.
"What do you think you're doing inviting someone, especially some girl, over to my house without permission? Why didn't you bother to ask me? And that family of all people. What is wrong with you?" He asked accusingly, and looked at me if I had disgraced him.
What does he mean, 'that family'? And she's not just 'some girl' she's the girl I used to hang out with for years. He knows that too, he even mentioned her name earlier on because he recognised her.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking-"
"To right you weren't thinking you retard! I don't don't want you associating with that family under any circumstances alright? You are to stay away from them. Especially the mother." He said, making a disgusted face at the thought of Kiara's mum for some weird reason.
"Why stepfather? Did something happen? Can I help?" I asked politely. Gosh I was trying ever so hard not to get on his bad side. I was so not in the mood for him after having such a great day with Kiara. I just wish that day never ended, so Malcolm wouldn't have to come home.
"Did something happen huh? Look at you being so nosy! Do you really think it's any of you're damn business? 'Cause I don't think it is, so stay out of it, and stay away from that family, those filthy scum disgust me."
How dare he refer to them like that! Kiara is not scum. I think Malcolm is just describing himself to be honest.
"What? Got something to say boy?" He sneered, taking a step closer and looking down on me, as he was a foot taller than me.
"No...it's just...nothing never-mind, you're right." I said, changing my mind. I was desperate to make sure he didn't do anything to me as I didn't have my hoodie. The last time I saw it was when Kiara was wearing it and walking home with it.
Oh wait it didn't matter anyway, I can't speak to Kiara anymore for some absurd reason, and Danny is going to be hanging out with Phil (who clearly has some sort of hate towards me even though we've barely ever had a conversation) so I can't talk to him either. Well. Talking to myself it is then.
"No. You don't get to 'never-mind me. Spit it out. Tell me why you have some sort of attitude towards my simple request. I don't want to get mad. You don't want to make me mad do you?" He said patronisingly.
"No...it's just, Kiara has been really nice to me lately. I would maybe call her my friend? I just don't know why you would want me to stay away from people that make me happy. I don't understand, did Kiara or her mother do something to you?" I asked, carefully crafting the emphasis of each word so it wasn't interpreted as attitude.
"Oh for goodness sake Phoenix. I told you it's none of your damn business, now why aren't you LISTENING TO ME? And I couldn't care less if this slut Kiara makes you feel 'happy' you shall stay away from her do you hear me?" He practically shouted at me.
I just stood there in silence for a few seconds. How could he say that? How could he use 'that word' to describe Kiara? That's disgusting. Absolutely disgusting to label someone like that without any real reason. And anyway, she does not act like that in the slightest, she turns down any  opportunity to talk to guys apart from me. I don't know why she still talks to me since I've not exactly been the nicest person to her since she's got back, but she has always been very picky with who she is friends with.
"No stepfather she's not a 'that word' at all."
"Don't disagree with me. She is because I say she is. The clothes she wears and the amount of make up that's on her face is appalling."
He has no right to say things like that to her. I was starting to get a little aggravated, and it was getting harder not to say something rude to him, but I knew I had to control my temper.
"No don't say things like that. When she does wear make up, which she doesn't most of the time, she says it makes her feel confident and I don't see anything wrong with that. Her clothes are fine, I don't know what you're talking about. Nobody should tell her what to wear, it's her way of expressing herself and that's fine. And anyway, she looks nice with make up. Please don't say anything the next time you see her. I've noticed that she is a lot more conscious of the way she looks than when we were younger, but that's normal. I've seen loads of articles about girls having low self esteem because of social media and stuff. And anyway, whether she's wearing make up or not, I still think she's kinda...pretty."
"What do you mean 'the next time I see her? I thought I told you there wasn't going to be a next time. Listen to me. Why aren't you listening to me? What is wrong with you?"
Is he being serious? Is that the only thing he picked up on in the thirty seconds I was talking to him?
"I don't know what to say. I just don't really want to stay away from someone I like without a good reason. I do want to understand things from your point of view so it would really help me if I could see why you dislike them. And who knows, if the reason is as bad as you're making it out to be then maybe I won't like them either." I said trying to negotiate with him. And could you blame me? I am just curious as to why he hates Kiara. To my knowledge all they've ever been is kind to him.
"Listen to me for the hundredth time. It. Is. None. Of. Your. Damn. BUSINESS."
"But-"
"But nothing Phoenix. I don't care if she makes you happy. I don't care if you think she's pretty. I don't care if she is the only freaking friend you have. Stay the he away from her, or I will make you. Just go talk to other people, it's not hard. Are you really such a horrible person that literally no one in the entire school wants to be your friend?" He said, talking down to me.
When I looked down at my shoes embarrassed, he laughed.
"God I was right wasn't I? You really are that pathetic. You don't deserve friends anyway, you're useless. Just like your despicable worthless mother."
"H-HOW DARE YOU! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT."
"She is my WIFE! I CAN TALK ABOUT HER HOWEVER THE HELL I WANT TO. IF I HEAR ONE MORE WORD FROM YOU, I WILL MAKE YOU REGRET THE DAY YOU WERE BORN." He said pushing me backwards against the wall making my back throb from the impact.
"I ALREADY DO. I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU'RE MAKING ME STAY AWAY FROM MY ONLY FRIEND, AND YOU'VE ALMOST KILLED MY MOTHER, THERE'S NOTHING ELSE YOU CAN TAKE AWAY FROM ME APART FROM MY LIFE, AND I WOULDN'T EVEN CARE. MY LIFE WAS RUINED WHEN YOU SHOWED UP. YOU'VE MADE ME HATE YOU, AND EVEN WORSE MYSELF. SO BY ALL MEANS PLEASE TAKE MY LIFE IF IT WOULD GIVE YOU SATISFACTION. THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE WITHOUT ME." I yelled at him, hot tears rolling down my face.
It's bad, and I know it's bad that I genuinely feel this way, but I don't know how to stop it. I guess deep down I always knew that Danny was only my friend because he pitied me, and the second someone else comes along, he practically jumps at the chance to be with them. The second I felt that Kiara was actually sorry for leaving me, I have to stay away from her. What have I done to deserve this? I've been asking myself this question everyday for years, but I've never gotten the answer.