sorry | lee minho

ginger

i walked into our english literature classroom with sejeong clinging onto my arm. the thought of minho's smile was still so visible and fresh in my mind. 

"moonbyul i think you gotta sit with someone else today since i already have a seating partner for lit. SORRY!" sejeong broke my chain of thought. i shrugged and went to the back seat by the window. it was my favourite spot. plus, it seems as though minho always sat there too and i was determined to get to know him.

i pulled out the chair nearer to the board. the same position i was sitting at in the previous class. just as i thought, minho pulled out the chair beside me and took a seat. this time, he didnt put his head down on the table. he was just staring out the window. 

i continued to stare at his features. he was really stunning. omg no moonbyul did u just-  i realised what i was doing and stared blankly infront. i shook off the thought from my head. i mean i barely knew him. i cant be crushing on him already. i just found him incredibly attractive thats all. yeah.

"hey. do you have something to say to me? you do know i can feel you staring at me right" minho annoyingly said while taking his book out. 

"no i wasnt staring at you. im not a creep okay." i spat back. obviously taken aback by his tone.

"lol okay then" he shook his head while i furrowed my eyebrows. yea okay theres no way im crushing on him. what a rude bih 

all of a sudden i remembered what dad said about inviting minho and his family over to eat for dinner. 

"oh yea. since we're neighbours and all. my dad feels bad for not properly greeting you and your family. so he was wondering if you and your parents wanted to come over for dinner. y'know as a friendly gesture." minho stiffened a little bit.

"my parents aren't home and im too lazy anyways." he coldly replied me. with that blank expression that he always had on. not going to lie, i was pretty disappointed. 

"oh its alright then. when will your parents be free ? we can have dinner then," i tried smiling to lighten up the mood but he clearly looked pissed off.

"i dont know alright stop asking" he gave me the coldest reply and faced forward, ignoring my gaze.

his words were cold and hurtful but i decided not to annoy him any further. why was he mad all of a sudden? he was smiling so beautifully a few moments ago. did i say something wrong ? was i annoying him ? endless negative thought filled me which made my heart feel heavy. why was he so mean ?

__________

class ended and i left my bag in the classroom since we continued our lit class after lunch break. i went over to sejeong and we made our way to the cafeteria. again, i got the same food item as sejeong did and again, we met with the four boys.

"hey. do you know why minho is always in a bad mood? i tried talking to him just now and he got mad really fast" i casually sipped on my strawberry milk.

"we don't really know. none of us do. he was actually a super chill guy to hang with back then. but after last year it was as if a character change switch was switched on. he became so cold and mean that no one dared to talk to him. they avoided him most of the time since he always looked unapproachable. he only hung out with his friends though." jisung stuffed his mouth with the baked rice he bought.

"hmm someone's interested" sejeong cheekily nudged my elbow and i rolled my eyes at her. the boys instantly looked up and i glared at them. 

"i just want to get to know him y'know. since he is going to be my maths and lit partner. make friends yea" sejeong gave me her doubtful look and i shook my head.

i finished up the last of my food and stood up to return the tray. also to get away from the fuss the rest were making. as i made my way to the tray return. one of the girls bumped into me, spilling her drink all over my uniform. i fell to the ground alone with my plate. the plate made a loud sound when it crashed to the ground gaining stares from the students nearby. "excuse me?! can't you see where you're going? i wasted that drink because of you!" the girl the bumped into me rudely shouted at me. 

i tried apologising but no words came out of my mouth. my vision became blurry and my heart started to race. suddenly, i was having difficulty breathing and my head started hurting like crazy. on top of all that, i could feel the judging glares by the students which made my heart pound even faster. i need my pills was all i could think of

i scurried back to the classroom avoiding the mean remarks the girl was making. i needed my pills. my head was spinning and my heart beats were crazy fast. i slammed myself onto the door to open it and rushed to my bag to grab my pill container. i clumsily got out my water bottle and swallowed the pills. 

i placed my head at the edge of the table to recover a little bit. i thought my anxiety attacks were gone. i rarely had them so why now? of all times and of all places. tears started rolling down my cheeks as i clenched my chest. my heart was aching. i was terrified. i hated the feeling of getting anxiety attacks. i was fine before but after the events that took place; moonbin's passing and mom's sickness, i couldnt handle it. i started getting anxiety attacks due to my depression and the pills were the only way of making them go away. it felt like i was dying, and i hated that.

i calmed down a bit and took a deep breath. i stood up from the floor and was surprised to see minho staring at me worriedly. he looked away when we met eye contact and continued reading his book.

"oh i didnt see you there. im sorry if i disrupted your reading" i nervously apologised. i was embarrassed. i didnt want to show anyone this side of me. especially not to minho. 

he once again stiffened when i tried to apologise and coldly looked at me. "i have a spare jacket in my locker. you can borrow it to cover that drink stain on your uniform" he stood up and walked out the classroom. 

i looked down at my uniform and there was in fact a drink stain. the level of embarrassment i was facing was just great. 

he walked into the classroom and handed me a grey coloured jacket. it was obviously oversized but i didnt mind. i appreciated the gesture. wow he does have a heart after all 

"thank you so so much! you've helped me twice now and i dont know how i could possibly pay you back," i smiled gratefully at him.

"pay me back?" he walked closer to me and continued staring into my eyes. i was taken aback by his sudden actions and backed away from him until i hit the table by accident. he placed one of his hands on the table and the other on my face. 

omg omg omg omg what is happening

the distance between us reduced and he moved his face closer to mine. i could feel him breathing and my heart beat quickened. his face was so close it was as if we were about to kiss.

"you can pay me back by..." he moved closer to me and i shut my eyes closed. i didnt know what to expect next and shutting my eyes was probably the best move i could think of. my body was stationery and i stopped breathing. "not being annoying and asking me questions all the damn time" i opened my eyes at that statement and saw minho smirking. he moved back to his seat and i just stood there speechless. i didnt know if i wanted to be mad, or annoyed or embarrassed. i was just shook.

"OH MY GOD MOONBYUL WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU JUST NOW?!" a screaming, worried sejeong came running to me. she was surprised to see minho and i being the only ones in the classroom.

i ignored her question and turned to look at minho. he, as per usual, had his head on the table and was looking out the window.  i had so many questions that i wanted to ask. so many things i wanted to say but i was still so speechless at his actions. 

"hello?! moonbyul stop ignoring me! answer my damn question!" sejeong worriedly shook me back to reality but all i could do was to blink at her.

now, i really wanted to know more about minho