sorry | lee minho

lavender

the day to fly back to korea finally arrived marking the end of our school trip. minho rarely looked at me or talked to me and it was painfully awkward between us. 

"are you guys still not talking to one another?" chan nudged my shoulder and i nodded. 

i didn't know what to say to him. i mean, i couldn't apologise to him, nor could i even look at him. he would always just look at me and walk away. 

i wanted to tell him why i didn't give him a reply, why i couldn't. but i choked on my words before i could even speak up. i was scared.

"do you want me to sit with you on the bus to the airport?" sejeong asked and i shook my head. 

"i wouldn't want to a ruin your date haha. its fine i swear" i smiled and shooed her away.

i made my way into the bus with my carry-on items and took a seat beside the window. i was rather far behind and surprisingly, alot of the other students filled up the seats at the front. i unconsciously waited for minho to get on the bus. 

what am i doing? 

i finally caught sight of minho and wanted to signal to him to take a seat beside me but he ignored it and took an empty seat at the front. i would be lying if i said my heart didn't sink but i don't blame him. i can't.

it must have been hard to open up to someone and when he did, i couldn't give a reply. i felt horrible.

"hey is this seat taken?" a girl named yeeun asked. i shook my head and took my bag from the empty seat onto my lap. "that's weird, i thought minho would be sitting hear" she light-heartedly spoke and i could only afford a smile.

when we arrived at the airport we took our tickets from the teachers in charge. i reunited with chan and sejeong and minho joined as well. 

"where are you guys seated at?" chan asked taking a peak at our seat numbers. 

"im at A13" i replied. "im all the way at A17 oh jeez thats so far away from everyone else" sejeong sighed. chan chuckled and showed his seat number. F13

"what about yours bro?" chan looked to minho and he coldly replied, "C13" 

"woah you and moonbyul are sitting together, sort of. there's going to be someone in between the both of you" chan patted minho's shoulders. "hopefully its someone from our class haha" i joked. 

the boarding gates opened and the four of us decided to get to out seats early. minho and i separated from chan and sejeong while getting to out seats. i opened the bag compartments above our seats and attempted to place my huge ass bag into it. it was way too heavy for my small arms but i was determined to do it by myself.

minho probably saw my struggles and took my bag away from me. "here let me help, just take a seat first" he softly said while placing our bags into the compartment. 

i muttered a thank you and made myself comfortable in my seat which was by the window. minho sat down at his seat, leaving the seat in between us empty. 

"hey look about what happened yesterday-" 

"i hope the person that sits beside us isn't someone weird that travels heavily haha" minho cut me off and chuckled. 

"can you just let me speak?" i was getting a little annoyed. i didn't get a chance to explain myself and here he was cracking jokes. 

"you know, there really isn't anything to talk about. you kind of made it clear you didn't feel the same way. and i mean, i can't force you to feel something against your own will" he coldly replied. his expression was devoid of any colour. 

"i never said i didn't feel the same way though. i was just afraid" 

"afraid of what?" minho slightly raised his voice and at that moment a lady around her 50s appeared. 

"hello darling, i think im supposed to sit in between. do you want to sit there instead young man? you can be closer to your girlfriend and i wouldn't have to bother the both of you" she smiled as she looked at minho.

"its alright, and she isn't my girlfriend" minho stood up to allow the lady to seat down. 

i returned the lady's smile and sighed to myself. it was clear that i was hurting minho but i didn't know what to do.

                                                                                ______________

we were four hours into the flight and everyone around me were pretty much asleep. except for minho who was reading a novel he had brought to the trip. i has been trying to sleep for the past half an hour but i just couldn't. my airplane anxiety had gotten worse since there were a few turbulences within the past hour. 

it wasn't so bad during the trip to quebec since i had minho beside me but this time i was seated beside a stranger. minho was somewhat still beside me but the familiar warmth wasn't there. to make things worse, i didn't bring my medication with me. 

the seatbelt light came on again while the pilot made another announcement. 

"we would be flying through rough air and apologise for any inconveniences," 

i grabbed the seat handle beside and took deep breaths. i felt a sudden drop and suddenly the air inside my lungs felt as if it were being sucked out. i held back tears while i hugged myself. something i've been doing ever since i was young. 

suddenly all the sounds around me became an aimless ringing and my heart beats became louder and faster. 

i tried to think of happy things and to not stress on my anxiety. it was like an anchor in my mind that was weighing itself towards my heart. my hands were trembling and warm tears rolled down my colour-drained cheeks. 

"byul," a familiar voice broke the ringing and i turned to my right to see minho who had changed seats with the lady. faces of worry and shock plastered on both their faces.

minho pushed the seat handle upwards and pulled me closer towards him. he wrapped his arms around me and pulled my hoodie that i was using as a blanket closer to me. 

"hey, its okay just take deep breaths, im here. im not going anywhere okay just breathe" he softly said as he gently patted my shoulders.

my heart beats slowed down but i was still trembling. 

"its okay moonbyul its okay" he spoke as i closed my eyes.

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yay! i finally updated hehe ;P i hope you liked this chapter and sososo sorry for not updating :< i feel like my writing is degrading somehow and my writer's block is at an all time high right now. but yes enjoy! and stream levanter yES soty