Her hair blew blissfully in the wind as she walked on the cracked sidewalk like she always did. She wore the same black converse every single day. She listened to music as she walked. She seems emotionless and like her head is full of nothing, but full of so much intelligence at the same time. She made me think of what I was doing and if I should be doing it. Just by how she acts. I never thought I would pay such close attention to a person.
I watched her closely as she look graceful strides along the sidewalk. Her hair was always down her light brown waves flowing down her back. I was never close enough to see her eyes. Eyes usually catch my attention, but this girl, she caught my attention. It was everything about her. The way she purses her lips while shes deciding which way to turn. The way she closes her eyes while listening to music. How she breathes so slowly, like she has not a care in the world.
I had to meet this girl, I had too. I had many questions for her. Why doesn’t she drive or take the bus? Why does she have bruises along her arms and on the back of her neck? One question I really want to know the answer to is, what is her name? What kind of name could describe such a blissful girl, such a carefree, fragile girl? I had to know. I almost built up the courage to talk to her, but I got nervous once I saw her start to turn my way. I ducked behind a bush a hid there until she had walked away.
I was shy, only around her. Other times I was the center of attention. Around her it was different. I was scared for her to notice me, scared she wouldn’t like me. Around other girls, I knew they liked me. I was confident and flirty and cocky. Girls loved me. Her on the other hand, she didn’t know I existed, and it hurted. I was happy because she was in my life, but it made me sad because I am not in hers. Many boys walked up to her and she would smile and just walk away at whatever they would say. Occasionally she would talk with them, but only the special few. I wanted to be in that few. I wanted her to know me, I wanted her to want me the way other girls want me, but I was invisible.
I wanted to be like her, care free. I wanted to have no worries. I wanted to know what I was going to do in my life and how I was going to do it, but that seemed impossible. It was wrong of me to look at her how I did. She was so innocent, I would ruin her if we got close. That being so, I still continued to watch her every morning like she belonged to me, but she wasn’t mine, at all.
Sometimes Ashton would catch me staring and tell me she would never notice me. Somehow I knew he was right. Emily sometimes tells me that any girl would date me, at times I felt she was right, but then that girl, that girl, made me realize I wasn’t what every girl wanted. Sometimes I would get so fazed by myself I wouldn’t notice what was going on around me. Maybe that’s why I had so little friends. I had no friends that were girls, just girls that would stare and occasionally touch my bum for the fun of it.
I suppose it seems weird to have random girls flirt with me like we are already dating. I didn’t reject any of it either. I loved the attention. I loved knowing I could control a girl with just my looks. I could make a girl weak at the knees. The only girl I couldn’t make weak is the girl I want to make weak the most. She controls me. I have no affect on her. I could vanish and she wouldn’t notice. I didn’t like that. I needed control. I want to control her. I want her to beg me to be with her. I want her. I need her. She can’t know that. She needs to want and need me.
Days passed and I still hadn’t returned home. I slept on the streets and my only entertainment was her. I followed her wherever she went. She never seemed to go to school, I wonder if she is maybe homeschooled. Who knows? Maybe she is so smart she graduated early. Unlike me. Being the dumbass I am I thought dropping out would be great. I mean it’s not bad, but I actually wanted to go to the college my dad went to.
College was always a dream for me. I wanted to be very successful in life. Up until high school started I got good grades and school always came first. I don’t know what happened, but something inside of me just snapped and I hated everyone except Ashton, Calum, Emily, and Michael. At a point in time I even hated Emily. I would always yell at her and I just treated her badly.
I had no reason for the way I acted towards her. Just simply a point in my life I suppose. I stopped for a reason though. The reason being that when I came home from school my first day of tenth grade she was on the bathroom floor passed out with an empty bottle of pills laying beside her. She was almost 11 years old. 11 years. I had never cried so much. I almost lost my little sister. My beautiful, amazing, little sister. Due to the way I treated her she almost left me. I would’ve never been able to live knowing it was my fault if she would’ve succeeded. It would’ve driven me insane.
What hurt the most was that her note as to me. I think most people would feel loved if someones death note was to them, but no not me. For me it was like she had died and she wanted to drive me to the point of suicide myself. After reading the note I could never look at her the same way. The note was to the point, and made me cry more than anything. It read:
Dear Luke,
I know what you are thinking, “its my fault.” No Luke. Don’t think that way. Don’t blame yourself. This is my fault. If I was only a better sister to you, you would’ve never said the things you did. I deserved this. All of this. Every single thing you said to me, I deserved it. I was a brat, a worthless piece of crap. You were right. I’m sorry Luke. I’m sorry for being in your life as much as I was. That’s why I did this. So I wouldn’t bother you anymore. So I’m sorry Luke. For everything. Tell dad I love him, mom won’t even realize I’m gone so don’t bother with her. I love you so much Luke, so so much. Never forget that.
I love you, Luke, goodbye.
I thought she was gone for good. I called an ambulance anyways because I would stop at nothing to save her. Damn, no I miss her. I have to go home. I can’t spend another night leaving her home alone. My thoughts started to wander, after returning home. My sister was at school and she wouldn’t be home for about four more hours. I suppose a nap would be a good idea right now. I set my alarm for 3:00 pm and fell fast asleep.
A/N:
OKAY I KNOW THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT. i didnt want to get very into the story until the second chapter so i will upload that sunday night. again sorry for it being so short i promise ill try to make chapter 2 around 4 pages. okay ily guys so much. byee.
p.s. remember to share, comment, and vote. thank you. x
