Becoming Bone (ON HOLD TO REWRITE)

Chapter 13

Oliver's Pov.

"Can I tell you something?" he asks and I nod my head. He smiles and says"I think I'm in love with you." I go rigid in his arms and I don't say a word. Him? Love me? No, that's impossible. At that I turn around and face him.

"I-I-I." I try to sputter out but he stops me and starts talking again.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it back. I get it if you don't feel the same way. I mean, you're you and I'm me. I just thought that I should tell you. You know, since we are in a relationship." he says almost sadly. I have no idea what to say, but it's definitely not because of that. And there's no way in hell that I can let him think that that's why I'm not responding.

"I-I-I." I try and fail again. I stop and take a deep breath. He can't understand how I feel if all I do is try and fail and become a stuttering mess. I try and calm down because right now is not the time to stay quiet. "No, that's not it. It's exactly what you said but reversed. You're you and I'm me. How can someone as perfect as you love someone as broken and shitty as me?" I tell him. 

He's lying, he has to be. There's no way that he could honestly love me. That's all I can think, even though I want to trust him. I know how much he want me to trust him and how much he hates it when I don't because he feels like I'm thinking lowly of him. But that's not it. How could I possibly trust him on something like this? Some so unreasonable and impossible like him loving me?

"What do you mean? How could anyone that's met you not love you? You're amazing and sweet and so fucking perfect, not to mention that you're hot as hell. You're the perfect one, not me. I'm so lucky to have you in my life, not the other way around." he says so intensely and seriously.

"Hot? More like a hot mess. You're the one with the looks in this relationship, but that's beside the point." And just as he's about to start arguing with me again I kiss him hard on the lips. He shuts up and I melt into the kiss. When I pull away I lean my forehead against his and sigh.

"Enough with the arguing. What I was trying to say was I love you too." I tell him.

"Really?" he asks sceptically. "Because I don't want you to say that out of pity or because you feel obligated to. I want you to say it and mean it."

"No. I mean it. I love you so fucking much. I don't think you'll ever understand how much I love you. I don't completely believe you but that has nothing to do with you. I just can't convince myself that anyone, especially not you, could love me. But I'll try my best because I love you and I want to believe you. I know that you hate that I have such low self esteem but I hate that you have a low self esteem too. But I want you to know that I'm happier than I have been in a long time and I can't remember that last time I've hated myself this little. So even though I don't understand why you love me, I'll try to believe you because it upsets you and I don't want to upset the person that I love. All I want is you to be happy and I'll do anything to make that happen." I tell him with tears filling my eyes and his.

"All I need to be happy is you." he says quietly, his voice cracking. Tears fall down his face as he stares at me.

"I love you." I say, my voice also cracking, tears now falling down my face too.

"I love you too." he says back to me and pulls me into a tight hug. The two of us stay like that for a while. It felt like a long time, in a good way, but was probably only like half an hour. When we finally pulled away from each other Jace har dried tear tracks down his cheeks and I assume that mine had matching marks. He smiled at me which I returned brightly and kissed me, which I definitely returned. After we kiss he sighs and leans back against the side of his bed.