Becoming Bone (ON HOLD TO REWRITE)

Chapter 17

Sorry it's short. The next chapter is basically the same as this one but from Jace's Point of View until the endish.<3 Here's part two of the double post. I should post after I get back from camp, which should be the 22nd.

Oliver's Pov.

I run and run for a little longer to the point where I can make out a body shape and not a blop I call out his name.

"JACE!" I shout but he doesn't move. Oh god, what if that isn't Jace? No. No, it's Jace. It has to be. Who else would be out here standing by the train tracks at this ungodly hour? So I try again.

"JACE!" no movement.

"JACE!" still nothing.

"JACE!" I try and scream louder if that's even possible. It's pretty hard to yell while being so out of breath from running around all night.

But it works.

The body finally moves. I can see him now, not great, but enough to tell that he turned around to see whos there. He doesn't turn back around to face the train tracks, he stays looking my way.

He becomes closer and closer. More and more clear. I think I hear him say something, but I'm not sure. And then I'm in front of him. I'm about 10 feet away but I can make out his face.

He looks shocked.

Confused.

Just enough moonlight to see his emotions. I take another step. And another. And another and another and another until I'm directly in front of him.

I'm panting heavily and I think that I might pass out. This is a lot of exercise for an underweight anorexic that hasn't moved this much, or even half this much, in forever. But I found Jace. He's alive. That's all that matters.

"Oliver?" he whispers and I nod my head but stop short feeling dizzy.

"Jace." I breath out.

"You, how, but, how- how did you- how did you find me?" he asks confused.

"You left - and I flipped at Will - because he would tell us what happened - so I ran after you - and I asked for directions - and they drove me - over here and showed me where to go." I tell him in blocks still not having my breathing under control.

"So you, you don't know?" he asks sounding heartbroken. He probably thinks that I'm only here because I don't know. I shake my head even though it makes the world spin. And wave my hand at his face before bending over and resting my hands on my knees. I gotta catch my breath before I explain. After a minute or two my breath is back and the dizziness is still present.

"No, I know. Will told me something, not what happened, but he gave me a hint. He said something about how you loved me and not to forget that when I realized what the problem was. After a while of running I remembered your conversation with each other in our room. And eventually I pieced it together. I know that you broke your promise. I know that you were hiding food. Yes, I'm mad. I'm pissed off. I'm disappointed. I'm let down. But most of all I feel like a total piece of shit. Because I couldn't keep you from going back to doing bad. I couldn't help you like you helped me. And you lied to me. You lied and acted like you were keeping your promise when you weren't. If you would have told me, I wouldn't have told. I would have tried harder to help. I wouldn't hate you. I want to, I want to hate you so bad because I trusted you and you broke your promise and if I could just hate you then I'd have a perfect justification to fall right back into my eating disorder, but I don't and I can't. I love you so fucking much and that kills me that you couldn't come to me. It kills me that I wasn't enough." I say tears falling from my eyes to match the ones streaming down his face.

"Oliver....I'm, I'm so sorry. You were, you are enough. I just can't. And I- I thought y- you'd hate me. And I have no idea why you don't right now." he cries before pulling me into a hug. I wrap my arms around his waist hard as I hear the whistle of a train approaching. I feel Jace squirm in my arms.

"Oliver." he says. I know that he's telling me to let him go. He still want to do this even that I'm here. He'd be willing to kill himself right in front of me just to end it all.

"No. I don't care how bad you want out, but there is no way you're leaving me." I choke out. He stops struggling but doesn't return my head just yet. "I love you. I love you so goddamn much that I swear to fucking god if you kill yourself, I will too. I sit on these train tracks and wait just like you did. I need you. You are the only thing that keeps me going. And I know you think that's not true, but it is. I never tried, not for anyone, until you came along. You saved me and I can't lose you. I'll do whatever I can to help you. Tell me what and I'll do it. Please, anything. Why am I not enough? All I want is to be enough for you so tell me what to do so I can be." and then I start sobbing and his arms wrap around me again just before the train zooms past us.

And the fact that he's alive, that he's in my arms, makes me cry even harder. It doesn't matter that he doesn't love me as much as I love him. It doesn't matter that I can't save him in any other way than physically stopping him. It doesn't matter that I'm not good enough, that I'll never be good enough, for him. He's alive and that's what matters right now.

"Oliver, no. I love you. I love you more than you can possibly imagine. You mean the world to me. You're my motivation. You're the only thing that keeps me going but.." he trails off.

"But I'm not good enough." I say between sobs.

"No, you are. You are more than enough. But I just can't do this. You helped me so goddamn much. When I had my tube in, I thought I could get better, I really did. When I made that promise, I meant it. But after that tube came out, I broke inside. You were the only reason I even started to get better. But it's too much. In the end, I won't have you. You're the only thing that helps me feel okay, normal, happy even. But when you get better, or even if we both did, we'd leave each other. We won't live with each other anymore. We won't be roomates. We won't cuddle and his and hug or sleep in the same bed and we'll never have sex because we don't live by each other. For all we know, after we leave, we might never see eachother again. And when that happens, I'll break just like I am right now but ten times worse. Because then I will be better. I would've gotten through this and be ready to go on with life. But without you, I am nothing. You love me so much that you shove away some of my self hate. You're my dreamcatcher, I don't have nightmares when you're around. I'm only okay because of you." he says cries desperately trying to get it through my head.

"Then don't leave me. And don't ever do this again." I say my sobs dying down. I feel him nod his head.

"Okay. I can't promise you anything besides that I'll try. I promise that I'll come to you when I need to. I promise I'll try. Nothing else but try. And I won't break this promise." he say.

"You swear?" I question.

"Swear." he replies.

"On my life?" I ask.

"I promise I'll try, on your life. Even though I'm not too keen on betting on your life." he chuckles and I smile. But the world is still spinning and I'm getting tunnel vision.

"Jace." I manage to get out, my body feeling heavy.

"Yeah?" he questions but I can't respond. "Oliver? Oliver!? Oliver!? Are you okay!? Oh god, Oliver!?" is all I hear as the world fades away and I go limp in his arms.