Becoming Bone (ON HOLD TO REWRITE)

Chapter 15

So next time I post I'll be doing a double post because I'll be at camp and I wont be able to update. 

Jace's Pov.

Will knows. I know he knows. I was so fucking stupid to dart out of the dining room like that. Shit. Of course someone would catch on. How many other people have done the same exact thing as me? Shit. Shit. Shit. Damn, I'm so fucking screwed.

Will knows and he'll tall and Oliver will find out and everything will go to complete and utter shit because I'm a dumbass. I keep the tone light after what Will says and he does the same, acting as if the conversation never happened.

Acting as if I didn't hide food and he didn't know. I just hope that Oliver didn't notice. When dinner passes around I hide food even though Will knows. He keeps on giving me these looks and I don't even care that he sees me slip food into my shirt. If he's going to tell, then he's going to tell. There's nothing I can do to change that.

After dinner I don't go upstairs so fast but still make sure to get in the room before Oliver and hide the food in the same place as earlier. Oliver comes in and opens his mouth to talk but I speak before him.

"I'm going to talk to Will. I'll be back." I say trying not to sound too serious but probably failing. I walk past him and into Wills room, which only he is occupying rightnow to my luck.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask shutting the door.

"I'm going to assume that question was metaphorical." he says.

"You know." I state, not quite mad but not calm either. I'm pretty sure I sound mostly defeated, even though I'm not recognizing it in my own voice, because the look in his eyes softer.

"Know what?" he questions, but his doesn't sound the same as his last sentence.

"You know." I say, meaning both that he knows what I'm doing and that he knows that I'm referring to him knowing what I'm talking about him knowing. Damn, that was a confusing sentence.

"Jace-" he starts sounding remorseful. But instead I slide down the wall putting my head between knees and clapping my hands on the top of my head.

"I know and you know and then everybody's gonna know because you're gonna tell them and then he's gonna know and when he knows he's gonna hate me and it's all gonna be your fault, but not really your fault, it'll be theirs, but it won't really be theirs either because all they did was take out the tube so it will all be my fault and he'll know it's my fault and he'll hate me but probably not as much as I hate me which is a lot and it's gonna be even more when he knows because when he knows he'll break our deal because I broke our deal and after that he won't be trying anymore because I was the only thing that was keeping him going, which I don't even understand because I'm not enough to make myself keep going let alone to keep anyone else going, and then he'll lose weight and get worse and then he'll probably get tubed and it will be all my fault because in the end everything's my fault and I knew I would only break him and that's exactly what I'm gonna do when he finds out and I wish that I could say that I wish I never fell for him and never kissed him and never told him I liked him but I can't because I love him but I would give it all up if if I knew that in the end he would be okay because I'm not okay and I never was and I never will be and as long as I'm around he'll never be either." I say gasping for air.

I barely took any breaths in the midst of saying all of that in one sentence. And I realize that tears are coming from my eyes, falling down my face, and dripping onto the floor. Yet my voice didn't crack once. Will isn't saying anything yet I don't even care. I don't bother picking my head up to look at him. Everythings ruined, or at least it will be.