Love Out of Lie

Chapter 20

Chapter 20 | Regrets

Everything should end at some point, just as the sun set to the east to let the moon dominate the dark skies.

I should be used to these things by now but somehow I still couldn't fully grasp things and accept the changes that happened, not only to myself, but also to the people around me.

I would sometimes question... when did it first occur? Who did it first? But now, while staring at the road through the car's window, I was too tired to ask anymore. I guess there would always be things better left unanswered.

"I honestly didn't expect this massive traffic," Trojan muttered that broke the silence.

I chuckled weakly. "Okay lang, ano ka ba."

"I told you, we should've waited for the fireworks display."

I slightly tilted my head to the right, which leaned to the car's window. "Matatagalan naman tayo kasi mamayang gabi pa 'yon. Pagod na nga ako, e, sa dami ba naman ng ginawa natin buong araw."

"We could stay inside the car and wait for it..." he kept saying.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Ganyan mo ba talaga ka-gustong manood ng fireworks? Ang yaman-yaman niyo, e, puwede nga kayong magpa-fireworks display sa likod ng bahay ninyo."

He lazily drawled, "It's not like that..."

"Oh, e 'di ano?" muli akong bahagyang natawa. Para siyang hirap na hirap sa nais sabihin. Sanay naman na ako sa ganitong ugali ni Trojan, minsan hindi ko alam kung nagpapapilit lang ba siya o sadyang nahihiyang magsalita.

"I just... wished to spend more time with you."

Parang tanga.

I purposely hid my face behind the strands of my hair so he wouldn't see my reaction. I hardly forced my lips not to curve upward to reveal my idiotic smile.

I hated how he could still easily affect me despite the distance I intentionally created between us. I hated myself for reacting unconsciously even after all the things he had done that hurt me.

"Masyado ka namang natuwa kasama ako," I tried to joke, "baka hanap-hanapin mo na naman ako."

"Well... I'll do my best not to."

Ano ba 'yan? Bakit ganyan ang mga linyahan ng lalaking 'to? Feeling ba niya mawawala na ako sa mundo o vice versa, siya ba ang mawawala? Pasimple kong siyang sinulyapan, naabutan ko siyang malayo ang tingin at tila malalim ang iniisip.

He looked troubled. I silently hoped he wasn't thinking of me in that pained manner. Sure, I liked him but I couldn't stand seeing him in this state. I didn't want to hurt him... I didn't want my affection to hurt him.

"What are you thinking?" I initiated.

His eyes blinked several times as he asked, "Huh?"

"Ang lalim ng iniisip mo, share mo naman... pero kung ayaw mo, e 'di don't."

As the never-ending line of vehicles moved slowly, he softly maneuvered the car. My eyes stayed fixed on him. The red lights from the cars in front of us highlighted a section of his face, which added to his menacing image.

I wouldn't call myself a mind reader, but in Trojan's case, I could quickly tell if something was dreadfully problematic by looking at him.

I wasn't sure if he was aware of how he appeared, but the depth of his thoughts was painfully evident, and it was difficult not to recognize.

"Maybe I'm just overwhelmed," he whispered, enough for me to hear.

I nodded. I could relate to that because I've experienced it multiple times already... like when I met Jijinia again and felt unwanted. It was overwhelming to the point that I felt lost for quite some time.