goodbye ▸ zalfie

marcus

                        MARCUS

As soon as Zoe walked out of the flat I couldn't stop myself from getting up and running after her. I had always regretted the way things had ended with her more than anyone else I had ever been with. I didn't mean to never speak to her again after that night. I was in a really bad place in my life and I just didn't know how to tell her what I felt.

When I finally caught up to her I shouted after her. I saw her crying and I couldn't help my heart from breaking a little inside from knowing it was my fault. 

I tried to apologise, knowing that I would have to do a lot more than just say sorry but knowing I had to start somewhere.

"Marcus, just leave me alone! I never want to see you again!"

Zoe ran off, leaving me standing in the pouring rain by myself. I turned around and punched the concrete wall beside me in frustration. I felt the pain in my hand get stronger but I didn't care. I couldn't believe what a mess I had made of things. Zoe hates me for obvious reasons that I don't know how to fix, Alfie probably hates me now for screwing things up for him and Niomi probably hates me for leaving her to run after Zoe.

I sat down on a bench along the pavement a bit and looked at the blood running down my hand with the rain at the same time.

After about 10 minutes I decided that giving up wasn't the answer. I got up and started towards Zoe's flat. I needed to sort things and nothing was getting done just sitting there.

When I got to her flat I knocked on the door. She answered a few seconds later.

"What do you want?" She said it grumpily, angrily almost.

Before I had any idea of what I was doing I stepped inside her flat and took her face in my hands. I smashed my lips against hers and kissed her passionately like she used to love.

She kissed me back for a few seconds putting her hands on my sides. Then she pulled back suddenly.

"No. Marcus no. You can't just do that!"

"Look Zoe I'm sorry. That was stupid. I'll just go."

I turned around to leave her flat, her door was already open and I was away to walk out and close the door.

"Marcus, wait."

I turned around to look at Zoe, who was wearing one of my old hoodies. It was always her favourite one of mine and it was far too big for her but she looked amazing in it.

"It's pouring of rain outside. Go and have a shower, I'll put your clothes in the dryer. I'll drive you back." She looked towards the ground.

"I thought you never wanted to see me again?"

"Look Marcus, you may have done things in the past but that was in the moment. Not everyone means everything they say. I don't want to never see you again but it was just really hard to see you again."

I smiled slightly. We were making progress. I knew me and Zoe would never go back to the way we were but it would be nice to at least be in the same room without a horrible awkward silence like how I imagined.

I walked towards her bathroom and left my wet clothes on the floor beside the door. I went into the shower and I heard the door open slightly. I guessed Zoe was picking up my clothes as the door shut a few seconds later.

When I got out of the shower I dried myself then wrapped the towel around my waist. I walked into the living room, where Zoe was sitting, she was facing the opposite way.

I coughed to let her know I was there.

"Your clothes will be ready in a half hour." She turned around to face me and gasped.

"Uh, sorry. I, uh, I just haven't seen you like this in a while. Em, let me see if I have anything that you can wear."

Zoe shuffled out of the room quickly and came back through a few minutes later with some clothes in her hands.

"Uh, here. Some stuff you left before."

"You still have this?"

"Yeah. Didn't have the heart to throw it out."

I took the clothes from Zoe, smiling inside. I went through to her bathroom and changed into the clothed she had given me and I found her hair dryer to do my hair. I tried to sort it out with some hairspray as well  before going back through.

I sat in the chair across from Zoe.

"Zoe, I really am sorry you know."

"What for?"

"Everything. Losing contact, meeting with Niomi, kissing you earlier. I'm sorry about all of it. I never meant to hurt you."

Zoe looked down at her hands.

"I know you're sorry. If you weren't sorry you wouldn't be here. I just don't think you understand what I went through after you never spoke to me again. My heart was broken. I'm more annoyed at Niomi than you for that because I never really introduced the two of you so you probably didn't even know that we were friends. And you don't need to be sorry for the kiss, it was nice."

I was shocked when she said the kiss was nice. I thought she liked Alfie now. She must have seen the confusion on my face.

"I mean, Alfie is amazing. And I won't empty my feelings to you about him. I don't want to be with you Marcus but don't apologise for something we both did. I kissed you back, but it was just nice to know you don't not like me. If that makes sense." 

The dryer make a noise indicating that it was ready. Zoe got up from her seat and so did I.

When Zoe drove me home we stopped outside of me and Alfie's flat.

"Do you want to come inside and see them?"

"No, I'm just gonna go back home. Tell Alfie, I'll text him."

"Okay, bye Zoe. And again, I'm sorry."

Zoe smiled at me slightly and I got out of the car. I started walking inside ready to face Niomi and Alfie and all their questions and theories of where I had been.