goodbye ▸ zalfie

zoe

                        ZOE

As I walked back into Alfie's flat I knew that nothing good was going to come from this. I knew Marcus was inside and me and him were going to have to explain to Alfie about our complicated past together. I knew I had to explain myself and that's why I was here, that's why I had to turn around and come back to see him. He had this effect on me and I knew it wasn't going to be something I could just leave. It was going to keep bugging me until I told him everything. I liked Alfie, his personality and his appearance. His smile could brighten anyones day and his laugh would make you laugh more than the joke.

Alfie opened the door slowly and walked in, I followed behind Alfie. Our hands still held together. When we got into his flat I took my hand back, I could see the slight disappointment in Alfie's eyes when I did it but Marcus kissed me today. I didn't want to shove it in his face that I liked Alfie. Even though Marcus already knew, but I kissed him back only hours ago.

Stop it Zoe. You know you don't like Marcus, Alfie is good for you, Marcus hurt you too much in the past.

I knew that Marcus meant it when he apologized. I knew him well enough to know that when he lies he acts different. He plays with the lobe of his ear when he lies, I never told him I knew that as it gave me the advantage of knowing when he lied. Not that it was ever about anything serious when we were together. But I also saw it in his eyes, the way they shined like he could have cried when saying sorry. Like he felt that bad. I knew he wouldn't, it's Marcus. But who knows. Today has been so damn confusing for all I know he could have burst into tears.

Marcus saw us when we walked in and he looked surprised to see me.

"I want to know what happened. What did he do to you?" Alfie said, sitting down on the chair on the opposite site of the room from Marcus. I stood, not wanting to have to replay the details of it all.

I sat down next to Alfie and looked over at Marcus, hoping he would realise how I didn't want to start the conversation. That he would tell him. At least I would hear what he had to say at the same time.

Marcus stared at the floor, clearly not wanting to say anything either.

"We were together. Like boyfriend and girlfriend together. And everything was good, really good. In fact you could say perfect." I blurted out, knowing that if I didn't tell Alfie myself, Marcus would end up upsetting me with his version.

"The night that I chose to sleep with Marcus, he made it amazing. Did the whole thing, went all out. It was perfect, anything a girl could ask for." I could see the disappointed and hurt in Alfie's eyes, but he needed to know before me and him could ever progress. If that was even what any of us wanted. I didn't even know what I wanted.

"But the morning after when I left was the last time I ever spoke to him. He never spoke to me again, ignored all my calls, and cut all contact. Today was the first time I saw him since." I finished, not wanting to carry anything else on. Everything else that happened today could be kept from him. I know the fact me and Marcus even knew each other in a romantic way was hurting Alfie, I didn't understand how any of this was happening, I met Alfie nearly a day ago yet I feel like I have known him for so much longer, I felt like I had to explain the situation to him.

"Say something Alf, look I apologized to her. I said sorry. I didn't mean to hurt her." Marcus says, looking over at his 'best friend'. I didn't know what to do so I put my hand on the top of Alfie's hoping I would make him feel better.

"I don't know what to say. How could you do something like that? How could you be so disrespectful? Not care about her feelings? I have known Zoe for not even a day and I already know I would never do that to her. Not that I would ever do it to anyone." Alfie said, no emotion clear in his voice. Almost like it was every emotion. Not any specific one, such as hurt or anger. He just spoke with meaning.

"I.. I don't know. I really don't know. I couldn't explain it to you because I don't even understand it myself." Marcus said quietly. My earlier though of him not crying is slowly slipping away as I swear the tears are pooling in his eyes, blurring his vision.

"Alfie, I don't want to stay angry at Marcus any longer. What's done is done. I don't want to upset anyone anymore. I want this to be finished with. I was hurt when it happened and it may have resurfaced a little bit today but I'm okay. You don't need to defend me or be annoyed at Marcus for me." I said, hoping this conversation would end soon even though it had barely started.

"What he did to you was terrible Zoe, how could you not still be annoyed?" He asked me.

"Because I have gotten over him, it doesn't mean I don't still think about what I could have done to stop it but now I have seen him and I can see how sorry he his." I look away from Alfie and let me eyes gaze over to Marcus. He has a tear slowly rolling down his cheek. He is looking away from me and I start to feel bad for knowing I had caused this situation. If I just went home and let them sort it out themselves I doubt Marcus would be crying.

"Well I'm still pissed at him Zoe. I still don't understand how he could treat anyone like that! I never thought he would ever be that type of person!" Alfie stands up and paces along the room.

"Alfie I'm fine! Why are you annoyed at him if both of us have tried to get over it."

"Because Zoe, it's not just the fact of how he treated you that annoys me. It's the fact that you make me feel like I never have before, you are different to other girls I have met. I have known you for less than 24 hours yet you always seem to be on my mind. And even the thought of you and Marcus together, kissing, hugging, being boyfriend and girlfriend? It makes me so.. like this!" He raises his voice, using his arms to get his point across.

I have no clue what to do, how to get Alfie to understand it was all in the past. Except from the kiss today but that's not important. Alfie doesn't need to know anything about me and Marcus' encounter today.