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I can't forgive people.

We reached Harry's house ..it was massive..just like what I saw in movies..the whole house was full of costly furnitures and paintings..

Harry stayed in his room and I stayed in the guest room..

Annie was so sweet ...she was so welcoming... At times I really felt guilty about pretending to love him when I don't by the love and care they were pouring on me..but I guess instead of hurting 1000 people it's better to hurt 2 ...

Talking about Harry he still not been able to come out of the shock of zayns death ..the newspaper ,the media all were full of zayns life ..his childhood,his 1d career and his death..

We were currently sitting in a small sitout of Harry s house..

Harry....? Come on...I know it's hard for you..but you have to move on please ? I said looking at him

He just looked at me for a brief second before looking down at his hands ..

Harry I'm saying something...I said in a frustrated tone ..

Still no reply..

I stood up from my position and kneeled down in front of him and just looked at him ...god it really hurt me to see him in such a pain...

I didn't get to say goodbye ...he said without looking at me

Its okay Harry...it's not your fault..things happen....I said

No...Naina  you don't get it..we were friends...we gave our auditions together, our career ,our stardom.everything flourished together...so how dare he leave us alone ...how can he go so soon...

How dare he not say a goodbye ...he yelled practically kicking the small wooden table that was in front of him..

Ha-rr..I was about to say but he continued

We were having happy life's....but one day he decided to quit the band..we all were shocked ..we tried  our maximum to convince him to stay ..but he did what he wanted
.he left...

I slightly brushed his hand...to ease his emotions a bit...he continued

Our band was never the same after that..we were never able to enjoy our life like we did with him..it was more like a burden for all of us..we all felt like we were forced into this..and to come out of this suffocation ..we decided to take a break ..

And that break lasted so long..that we lost all our connections with each other..the bonding was gone..and we were more like strangers ...we became busy with each other..with each trying to be better than other..

Didn't Zayn talk to you after that ?..I asked in whisper

He tried ..but I didn't ..he tried to call me many times...but I ignored him everytime..though i didn't blame for it..I felt he was the reason for our broken friendship..he was the reason that our.lives was misersble  and lonely..

You know Naina..if I love someone ..i love them.to heaven and if I hate someone I hate them to hell..it's not easy for me to forgive someone ..I know I should but that's how I am..if you hurt me I may never forgive you..because I loved you to that extent so I didn't expect hurt from you...he said

I swear when he said that I felt fear and anxiety at the same time..I was doing the same thing to him..I was betraying him by pretending to love him...I felt scared that he may have same kind of anger for me when he'll come to know the truth ..and second I was guilty..that he was so sweet to me ,he considered me worthy of sharing his pain with me...a girl who is going to hurt him more than he could imagine.. I was busy with my thoughts when he interuppted

I should have forgiven  him
....I should have talked  to him...I didn't know he will leave so  soon...I swear I didnt know.. he said with his head in his hands...

Harry...don't blame yourself...you couldn't have done anything..it's okay....Zayn would have understood your pain...it's okay...

I tried to comfort him...though I had no idea of what to say that can make him feel little better..

He just hugged me tightly crying silently on my shoulders and  moving his fingers along my hairs ..

I did the same with his hairs...and we stayed there for God knows how long....