boundaries [s.m]

chapter seventeen

Why do we put each other through hell? Why can't we just get over ourselves? - Shawn Mendes, why
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aria couldn't fall asleep that night. some part of her knew that something bad was going to happen, and she didn't want to fall asleep, with the risk of herself being too selfish to simply feel anxiousness and the nerves building up in her body. it was selfish, she was being selfish. she let out a small sigh, turning over in the bed of the guest room, her mind only on shawn, almost as if she's trying to psychologically connect with him.

shawn sits at the edge of his bed, scrolling through his phone, seeing the worlds reaction to him and aria, seeing the pictures from the night surface onto the internet, and various twitter accounts he stalks. he felt as though he couldn't breathe, although on the outside, he would've looked perfectly alright to anyone clueless. he felt confused, used, manipulated, alone, he felt fear, he held the hand of fear, and dabbled in coping with it. he feared the early future of his relationship, he feared the talk they would have hours from now. he feared everything.

so, with a shaky hand, he picked his phone up to his ear, and let it ring, and ring, and ring, until he heard the sweet sound of her voice.

"shawn? what are you doing up? it's 3am," aria says gently, sitting up in the bed, still trying to be quiet for the sake of hailey, who's sleeping next door. "shawn?"

"a-aria," he stutters out. "i can't breathe."

arias heart fell, as she quickly got up, scrambling to find her clutch, and dress from the previous night, before tiptoeing out of the doorway.

"i'm coming back, can you stay on the phone with me?"

"n-no, it's late, don't come back," shawn mumbles, feeling a dull sadness sink over him.

"i am, just stay on the phone with me," she urges, slipping on her heels again, and walking to write a note to hailey, scribbling down where she is. "drink some water."

"a-aria i'm scared," he murmurs, his eyes filling with tears. "i-i-"

"shh," aria says quickly, worry filling her composure, as she quickly rushes out of hailey's house, walking to the road, where she calls a taxi that, surprisingly, is still driving around. "deep breaths shawn."

"mhm," he hums, his knee shaking up and down, as he moves to his laptop, seeing all the feedback on their relationship.

"okay, i'm on my way," she says, after getting into the taxi, and giving the name of the hotel. "shawn, remember when we were in barcelona? that night when i snuck out and we made love? and when we said to each other that we were gonna tell everyone when i was ready? when we were ready? do you remember that night? do you remember how we felt?"

"y-yeah," he stutters, taking a shaky breath. "a-aria i need you here." her heart swells, as she continues to talk to shawn for the rest of the car journey, before paying the driver, and clambering out, running up to their shared hotel room, and unlocking the door, seeing shawn sitting on the edge of the bed, his composure completely distraught.

"hey, hey, hey," aria says, dropping her bags, and moving to shawn, crouching in between his legs, and cupping his cheeks. "calm down, it's all okay, you're okay."

"a-aria what's happening?" he begs, completely confused, and deeply troubled.

"you're having an anxiety attack, it's okay, just breathe," she says gently, holding onto his hands, squeezing them softly. "just keep focusing on your breathing, think back to all the good times, stay calm."

"a-aria i-i'm so-sorry-" he mumbles, a lone tear sliding down his cheek.

"shh, that doesn't matter now, what matters is you," she says gently to him. "calm down, it's okay, everything's okay," aria sighs softly, getting up and sitting down next to him, placing her hand on his back. "you okay?"