boundaries [s.m]

chapter nineteen

this is the problem with letting someone go. when they're gone, you just feel lost. and it's fucking shit. - Unknown
-
she nervously waits outside his door, wondering whether to unlock it, or turn back around and walk away. she desperately wanted to fix things between them, but somehow she knew there was no point, since it's always the same thing they fight about; her age, their age gap, his age, their standing, everything to do with the amount of years they have been on earth.

carefully, she uses the key shawn gave her to unlock the door, being as silent as possible, since he only got in a few hours ago, and would probably be asleep. she shuts the door behind her, walking further into the condo, and straight into the main bedroom, seeing shawn passed out on the bed, still in his jeans and t-shirt. she smiles gently to herself, getting onto the bed next to him, resting her head next to his, looking straight at him.

he looks peaceful to her; some sort of expression over his face which makes him look so innocent, so fragile, so precious, making her want to do nothing more than hold him close, and never let him go.

he shuffles lightly, his eyes fluttering open, and widening slightly with shock, after seeing aria next to him, who surprised him in the morning.

"hi," she says gently, cupping his cheek, and running her hand through his curls.

"hi," he replies, his voice hoarse, along with the sore throat he has. "w-when did you get here?"

"literally ten minutes ago," she answers, trailing her fingertips to his forehead. "shawn, you're burning up, are you okay?"

"i'm feeling a little ill," he sniffles, shutting his eyes again. "i'm happy you're here."

"me too," she mumbles back, as shawn sighs softly, moving his hand over her waist. "shawn come on, let's get you changed into something more comfortable, and i'll make you some food, yeah?"

"thank you," he mumbles, sitting up, as aria follows, helping him to find something more comfortable to wear. whilst shawn is changing, aria goes into the kitchen to start making chicken noodle soup, after all, it's the best remedy if you're ill. shawn stumbles out of his bedroom, seeing aria cooking away at the stove, the smell of fresh soup wafting through the air.

"what are you making?" he asks softly, sitting down at the kitchen bar.

"chicken noodle soup," she answers, her back turned to him.

"aria," he says, his sweet voice capturing her ears. "come here." she turns the stove on low, so it doesn't burn, before walking over to shawn nervously. as they stand face to face, aria quickly throws her arms around his neck, trapping him in a hug. "baby, you're gonna get sick," he chuckles, rubbing her arms gently.

"i don't care, i'm sorry," she says, mumbling into his neck. "i'm sorry for everything."

"i should be saying that to you, darling," he whispers back, sighing gently. "i'm sorry too."

"i don't want to lose you," she mumbles, tears brimming in her eyes. "i mean it, fight for me. and i'll fight for you."

"of course," shawn says softly. "i will never, ever stop fighting for you. you're the best part of my entire life, aria."

"gosh, i love you," she cries, a few tears slipping out of her eyes, as she hugs onto shawn tightly. "but your soups probably burning, so i'm gonna have to let go," the two of them chuckle softly to each other, before aria lets go, and goes to finish up making his soup, serving it in a white bowl.

it's a shame that shawn lied.
-
a little later in the day, once aria had gone home, shawn finds himself scrolling through his phone, seeing all the responses to him and aria. he can't help but to feel angry, upset, quite negative about the entire ordeal: everyone hates them, and it's not just a few select people, it's a majority.

but it's love, shawn thinks to himself. you have to respect love. it frustrates him desperately. his phone begins to ring, making him sigh, yet the thoughts don't disappear from his mind.

"hello?"

"hey shawn," andrew says to him. "we need to talk."

"i'm not breaking up with aria," he says quickly, before coughing.

"i never said that," andrew is quick to respond. "why would you think that?"

"because everyone's reacting badly? heck, even i am!" he bursts, the stress evident on his composure. "what do i do, gerty?"

"that's your decision to make," he tells him. "and i don't want you to be upset about it, so make a good choice."

"either way i'll be upset, there's no way around it," shawn frowns. "do i just end things with her? it's getting to me andrew, and i said i would fight for her, but i don't think i can. she left early because of me, and i don't know what to think. it was my fault, it is my fault, our entire relationship was my fault. i knew it was stupid to get into the moment i kissed her on my birthday, yet i continued, and started a relationship with her. i knew it was going to get messy, and i knew that people would hate it. i need to face it, our ages are keeping us distant from each other. it's always the problem."

"i think you just decided what to do," andrew tells him. "are you sure you're making the right decision? you're in love, shawn."

"am i? or is it just unrequited?"

"okay, cut the romeo," andrew says. "you're in love, i have never seen you like this."

"andrew i just don't even know anymore, one moment i don't care, the next i'm worried about age. i don't know what to do," he sighs. "you know what? i'm just gonna end things. it's not going well anyway, my mental health is suffering, and so is hers. i just want the best for her, and i know being with me isn't the best thing to do."

"shawn, are you sure?"

"yes, i am," he confirms. "can you book out the studio for a few weeks? the one in la? see if teddy, scott and ryan are free, i'm sure geoff is," shawn continues listing. "i'm gonna break up with her tonight, i can't keep going on like this."

"alright," andrew says with a sigh. "i just hope you're making the right decision."

"i am," he confirms. "i'll get my friends back, people will stop hating on her, it'll all go back to normal."

this is the moment when shawn hears the smash of a plate. his head shoots up to the doorway of the condo, seeing aria standing there, a frown finding its way on her face, and the plate of whatever she was holding on the floor, smashed into pieces.

"andrew, i gotta go," shawn quickly hangs up, standing up, and walking towards her. "aria-"

"don't touch me!" she yells, flinching away from shawn. "don't!"

"aria, you gotta understand this will be better for us!" shawn urges, trying to convince aria as well as himself.

"no it won't be! you promised me this morning that you would fight for me! and now all of a sudden you're just letting go? what happened to all the promises we made? what about us? what about everything we've been through?" she screams, tears falling down her cheeks.

"aria-"

"no!" she yells. "no!"

"look, come in and sit down, and we can talk-"

"no, no talking," she shakes her head bitterly, looking at shawn with a glare. "congratulations, you got what you wanted. we're over." she drops the key shawn gave her onto the floor, and walks out of the condo, slamming the door behind her.

shawn stands at the doorway, looking straight forward, not really feeling anything, but a slight feeling of relief. after a few minutes, the realisation finally starts to kick in.

wait, he thinks, what did i just do?