boundaries [s.m]

chapter thirty-nine

i pretend that i'm not ready - why, Shawn Mendes
-
arias hands shake nervously, as she sits on the lid of the toilet seat, staring at the ring in her hands. she really did break shawns heart.

"shawn i-i-"

"aria?" he asks gently, almost as if he doesn't want to hurt her. "what is it hun?" she sighs gently, taking the ring out of the box, leaving shawns face to grow anxious and fall.

"i-i need to think about it," she mumbles, looking at the ring, letting the wind blow her hair back.

"oh," shawn mumbles, looking down, and placing his hands at his sides. "oh."

"i'm sorry," she murmurs, before sliding the ring into her jeans pocket, and walking off, heading straight out of the park.

shawn sits down on the grass, in utter shock.

what just happened?

"is anyone else in the bus?" aria hears andrew say outside. she quickly wipes away her tears, putting the ring back into her pocket, and flushing the toilet.

"yeah, aria," she hears shawn mutter. "i'll go get her."

"don't lose hope shawn, there's a reason behind this," andrew reminds him, but aria has completely blanked out by now.

"i know, i know," he responds, sighing softly and running his hand through his hair. "i just don't get it," he sighs once more. "anyway, let me go get her."

shawn runs up the steps of the bus, heading into the narrow corridors, making his way through the bus. "aria?" he calls. "babe?"

"one minute!" she yells back, wiping her hands on her jeans, before looking at her face in the mirror. she breathes slowly, trying to settle her nerves, before taking the ring out of her pocket, and sliding it on her finger. she admires the diamond encrusted band, with the huge stone of a diamond in the middle, before unlocking the bathroom door, coming face to face with shawn.

"hey," he whispers, looking at her concerned. he knows that she's been crying. "are you okay?"

"y-yeah," she nods. "are you?"

"yeah," he repeats, as aria licks her bottom lip, before quickly pushing herself into his arms. "hey, what's wrong?"

"i'm sorry," she whispers. "i'm so fucking sorry."

"don't blame yourself," shawn reminds her, running his hands over her back. "it's okay, don't worry."

"no, it's not," she mutters. "i fucking led you on, shawn. that's not right. that's not acceptable at all," she sighs, feeling the hot tears pool at her iced eyes.

"aria, listen to me," shawn says softly to her, pulling her body away from his chest, and placing his hands on her hips. "it's okay. you weren't ready, it's okay."

"no i am ready, it's just," she sighs gently, looking down. "i'm scared, shawn."

"so am i hunny, but we can get through it together," he says gently. "i'm scared too baby, don't worry about it."

"i love you, shawn, i'm so sorry," she whispers, letting a tear roll down her rosy cheek. "i feel so bad shawn."

"aria listen to me," he repeats, cupping her cheeks instead, and wiping away her tears with his thumbs. "i'm not gonna force you to marry me, but it doesn't matter if you're scared. i'm scared too, i'm probably more scared than you are, but i know that whenever i think about my future, you're always in it. i always see us married, with kids, and walking along a beach somewhere in the world, and it's something i want. what i'm trying to say is, i understand you, aria, but i'm all in."