boundaries [s.m]

chapter forty-two

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aria sighed softly, dragging her feet to the kitchen, where she made herself a mug of coffee. why was he so upset? she questions herself over and over again, trying to wrap her head around the entire situation. she doesn't know what exactly is going on, and she doesn't really know how to think.

the little beep of the coffee machine snaps aria out from her trance, and she quickly presses the button for an espresso shot. the sweet aroma of the coffee fills the kitchen, making her feel a little bit more comforted, making this condo feel more like home to her again.

she didn't want to be there, but it was still half hers.

the house phone rings again, and aria scrunches up her face in confusion. why are they getting so many calls today? who could be calling now? aria trails over to the phone, seeing aaliyah's name flash onto the caller id, so she answers it quickly.

"a-aria o-oh my god," aaliyah's shaky and crying voice captures arias attention.

"liyah? what happened?" she asks carefully, standing up straighter. "aaliyah?"

"s-shawn-shawn-" she lets out another strangled cry. "h-he's in the hospital."

time stops.

the phone slips out of arias hand immediately, falling to the ground with a crack. aria sinks down with it, her entire body going completely numb. she felt alone. she felt guilty. she felt completely and utterly broken. she felt heartbroken, she felt as though her other half was dead, even though he probably wasn't.

aria sped up quickly, getting up from the floor, and finding a random coat, one of shawns, and pulling it over her body. she slid on a pair of trainers, and ran out of the condo immediately, not even bothering to take her car. it would be easier to walk.

so she ran, she ran in the snow and ice all the way to the hospital emergency department, wanting nothing more than to see shawn and hold him close. he wasn't going to slip away from her.

"k-karen?" aria stutters, going up to the mendes family, who are all sitting on plastic chairs, each of them holding the same mood. "w-what's going on?"

"oh aria," karen whispers, standing up and bringing a girl who's like a daughter to her, into a hug. aria cries gently into her shoulder, not knowing what's happened, and feeling so incredibly guilty for not talking to shawn calmly, and asking if he was okay.

"i-is he okay?" aria asks, completely and utterly worried and anxious. karen settles herself, pulling away from the hug, and wiping away the girls tears.

"honey, you should sit down," aria looks at the family curiously, as she takes karen's seat next to aaliyah, the family all looking at her intensely.

"shawn was driving somewhere and got hit by a van," manny starts, making aria gasp, her hand coming up to her mouth, and more tears filling her eyes. "h-he was unconscious," aria lets the tears spill out of her eyes. "they um," manny clears his throat. "they don't know if he's gonna make it."

"w-where is he?"

"surgery," aaliyah answers, resting her head on arias shoulder gloomily.

"oh," aria whispers, the tears not stopping. "oh god."

"aria are you okay with everything else that's going on?" karen asks gently, placing her hand on arias lap. aria puffs out a sigh, shaking her head, her bottom lip quivering.

"i don't care about that, i only want to know if he's okay," she cries, as aaliyah looks up, comforting aria. "i-i love him. he might not love me, but i-i love him."

aria just prayed that shawn would be okay.
-
this time, shawn was the one who suffered in silence. he ended up in a medically induced coma, his body needed full rest before he could even open his eyes.

he could hear and feel everything. he could feel the hurt girls' hand in his. he could feel her run her hands through his hair, he could feel her lips on his forehead, he could feel her tears land on his hand. he wanted to apologise to her desperately, and make her his once more.

"i know you can hear me, and i-i know you can feel everything, so i'm gonna squeeze your hand to make sure you know that i love you, and i'm gonna try," aria says gently, stopping herself; the tears not stopping from rolling down her cheeks. she squeezes shawns hand gently. "i'm gonna try to win your love back."

"god shawn, why did you have to leave? why did you have to leave me? why did you have to say those things?" she questions, trying to make sense of the situation. aria sighs again, settling her heavy breathing. "do you remember when we were in paris? just a few weeks ago? and we sat on that green thing outside the arena, telling each other our futures? shawn, you are my future, i love you so much baby. please pull through," she takes a moment to quietly cry, before leaning down to kiss shawns cheek softly. "i love you."

the door to shawns room opens, and aaliyah comes in, three bouquets of flowers in her hands. "how did fans find out what hospital he's in?" she mumbles, placing them down onto a table, before slipping her shoes off, and sitting on the other side of shawns bed. "how is he?"

"still the same," aria mumbles, squeezing shawns hand softly. "i just want him to wake up."

"you should go home, aria. it's christmas tomorrow," aaliyah tells her gently.

"i don't even know where home is," she mumbles gently, looking down at shawns unconscious body.

"hey, aria," aaliyah says gently, getting up from the bed, and the walking over to the broken girl, embracing her in a warm hug. "it'll all be okay. i promise."

"don't make promises you can't keep, liyah," aria mutters, letting aaliyah hug her. "i won't ever forget what happened."

"i'm so sorry," she mumbles gently back, not wanting to upset the girl further. "i'm so sorry."

"it's not your fault," aria tells her gently, leaning back into the hug, wrapping her frail arms around her. "shawn and i won't ever be the same. i just have to accept that."

shawn wanted to scream, he wanted to cry. he wanted to shout out how sorry he was, and how much he loves aria. he couldn't let her go. shawn wanted to take away all the mistakes he had made, and most importantly, he didn't want to leave the silence and darkness. it was peaceful, and he wasn't guilty in this place.

sometimes, the darkness is good.