Lucas, My Love

Chapter Six

Amelia's POV

Luke started tugging at his fingers as he often did when he was nervous. "I'm just really sorry. I messed up, and I regret it. After we broke up the other night, I was still mad so when I got back to my room and the girl was still there, I kept going. By the time my shirt was off, I couldn't go through with it because I was so upset over u"s. I told her to leave. We didn't do anything but kiss, I swear." 

I took a deep breath but didn't look at him. "I forgive you."

"Huh?" 

"I still love you; you were a great boyfriend, and you were my best friend. We fought a lot, but when it was good it was really good." I shrugged my shoulders, still avoiding eye contact.

"So can we try again?"

"Luke," I stopped myself, gathering my thoughts before I continued. "I'm not in the place to be in a relationship like this. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I pretended everything was okay because it's not. I forgive you, but it'll take some time before I can trust you again."

Anger flashed through his eyes, and I dreaded another outburst. His nostrils flared as he tried to calm himself down, but I knew it wouldn't work. "BUT WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

I winced at his screams. "That doesn't mean you wouldn't have! If John wouldn't have pulled you off so we could talk, who knows how far you would have gone!" 

We both stopped talking while facing opposite directions. "You're right." He mumbled.

"What?" I snapped at him, turning to face him.

"Yeah, I probably would have gone all the way only to feel like a complete dick because of it. I just don't want to have to find another person and fall all over again only to screw up at the hands of my own vulnerablitly."

My heart ached at his truthful confession. "It probably would be more convenient for the sake of our mental health if we got back together, but that'd only be for a short time. This would have happened eventually so why not now." I sputtered, my realism getting the best of me.

"Okay."  He sat down across from me. His eyes were wide but he looked tired as he stared down at his hands.

I bit my top lip as we together. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

He let out a short snort. "I'm sorry too." 

Luke broke the silence this time. "Do you need a ride to meet your friend?" His words were quiet, and I could tell a million things were going through my mind.

"No, I'm okay walking. I could use some time to think." I surprised myself with the mousiness of my voice. This whole situation intimidated me.

"Yeah...." Luke bobbed his leg up and down before removing himself from the table. "I'll see you around, Amelia. Thanks for loving me."

His words felt like daggers to my heart as I winced. "It was my pleasure." My heart was pounding, and my voice was shaky as tears started forming on the lower shelf of my eye. 

A sad smile crept across his face as he looked back at me through his car window. I mimicked his expression, and before I knew it, he was gone. 

After two hours of wallowing in self-loath, I texted Luke H because he seemed to be the only person my irrational mind wanted to talk to. 

"I'm at the park in West Sydney near McDonald's if you wanted to meet up or whatever. If this isn't a bad time."

I nervously waited for a reply, tapping out the beat of a random song with my finger tips.