I Smell Snow

December 16th

The thought kept lingering my mind no matter how hard I tried to shove it away. I could not stop thinking about our future or lack there of. Maybe I am morbid for thinking that way but I cannot help it. I cannot just sit here and pretend to ignore it.

It made me feel completely destroyed.

"What are you thinking about?" You asked as you placed a soft kiss on my temple, your lips lingering for a while.

"Nothing," I replied and let a tiny smile replace my blank expression. I grabbed both of your arms and wrapped them around my waist.

You laughed and pulled me in closer. I let my head fall on your chest. We were on your couch watching tv.

"Eva?" From my position I looked up at you and you caught me by surprise by placing your lips against mine in a quick kiss.

I did not try hiding the blush that crept onto my cheeks. Instead I interlace your fingers together. "What was it you wanted?"

"Nothing," You reply sheepishly, "I just wanted to kiss you."

I don't think I'll ever get tired of feeling your lips against mine. It's not like we have kissed a ton before but yeah...I don't mind doing it constantly.

God Theo, I am crazy for you.

"You can kiss me anytime you please," I laugh, "But can we please go out and do something? I have always wanted to build a snowman." I feel the vibrations of your laugh against my cheek and I smile widely.

You catch me by surprise yet again, lifting my off the couch and throwing me over your shoulder.

My first thought is to freak out over how you can't possibly support my weight--especially with your health faltering. My second thought is what has gotten into you?

My long brown hair falls over my face and I can no longer see where you are carrying me. My laugh echoes throughout your empty house. You dad has gone back to work and won't be home until later tonight. You stop for a second, leaning your weigh against something. I can feel the vibrations of your staggered breathing. "Theo, put me down right now."

You listen this time as I feel the cold of the counter seep through my leggings. You set me down on the kitchen counter.

My thoughts are confirmed when you fall into a coughing fit, resting both your arms against your hips as you slightly lean over. I rest my hand on your shoulder, the corners of my eyes creased with concern.

"What are you up to Theo? You cannot be dong these sorts of things. We aren't a normal couple--we can't be."

You didn't reply. Instead, you compose yourself and frantically searched through your fridge. I am staring at you, your dirty blonde hair has gotten longer, reaching down a bit more of your neck now.

I can't help but release a girly giggle when you turn around and your eyes meet mine. You hold up a bag of baby carrots. "I can't find any large carrots. Do you think these will work for a snowman nose?" You gave me a lopsided grin.

I shocked myself by reaching out for your soft cotton gray shirt and pulling you close. You stand between my thighs and a shiver makes its way up my body. I brought my hand up to your cheek and you leaned against my palm, closing your eyes.

Something sparks inside me. It's knowing that you have the same reaction to my simple touch like I do yours.

I bring my forehead against yours and close the gap between us. My arms snake around your neck as yours rest on my hips. Our lips move in sync and I feel you smile against my lips. As you are about to pull away, I latch onto your bottom lip, tugging on it softly. That sound that drives me completely insane, escapes your lips.

"Evangeline...you've got to stop doing that. I don't think I can contain myself."

"I didn't say I wanted you to." Did I just say that? Yes, I totally did.

Your eyes cloud over and next thing I know, your lips are against my neck. We've never done this before. This is such a foreign feeling but I think I like it.

I tilt my head, giving you better access. My hands run through your soft hair. "O-ok. Lips here." I touch your cheek and guide you down to my lips. You have no trouble agreeing to my request.

A few minutes later, I pull away, breathing a bit heavy.

"I've never done that before," I murmur, a bit embarrassed that a 19 year old has never made out. "Me either." This time, you are the one blushing.

"Come on," I grip your hand in mine and slip off the counter. "Let's go build that snowman."

It's so cold outside. I am glad I wore my thick black coat. I slip on some spare snow gloves that you had laying around. You tug on your slightly worn-out snow boots and gesture for me to follow you outside.

I can't stop thinking about you but not specifically you if that makes sense. Are you even allowed to kiss someone? Am I making you worse? I don't want to make you sicker. God no, never.

"Think fast."

I didn't think fast enough apparently. A snowball collides against my shoulder and I gasp.

"You better run Theodore," I yell threateningly as I scoop up the biggest snowball I can gather.

You laugh down the street, running away.

Not quick enough. I catch you and topple on top. We both come crashing down against the pillow soft snow, our laughs filling our ears in a melodic manner.