I Smell Snow

December 19th

You were in the hospital again.

You were in to get your first round of chemo again since your relapse. I knew you weren't happy about it and I don't blame you. Who would?

Ever since your first hospital visit, things had calmed down in both our households. Our dads have gone back to their regular work routine and my mom is back to hectic work shifts at the hospital.

You asked me to go with you to the hospital for your first chemo round and I said I would but not until later.

Not because I don't want to spend everyday with you, it's actually because I have been spending every day with you and it gets overwhelming.

Not in a bad way. In a my-emotions-can't-handle-too-much-Theo way. I need to take some time to align my feelings. Do we like each other? Yes. Are we dating? I think so. You haven't made it explicitly clear. I'll be sure to ask you.

But I think people who kiss a lot are considered dating.

Do I love you? I'm not sure but I'm definitely falling for you.

But that was inevitable.

I slip on ripped jeans and my green and black long sleeved flannel with only a bralette under. I think I'll make it a tradition to wear flannels whenever I go to the hospital, seeing as it always makes you smile.

I gently stir creamer into my coffee and lift the mug to my lips. I reach for the striped notepad and pen by the kitchen counter and scribble a note informing my mother that I'll be at the hospital, just in case I don't run into her there.
I would normally shoot her a text but she keeps her phone in the nurses locker rooms at all times except during her breaks.

I grab my coffee mug and carry it to my bedroom where I begin twisting my brown hair into a semi-neat bun. I pull a bit of my baby hairs out by my ears and twist them with my finger, letting them frame my face.

My coffee goes everywhere with me. I leave the empty mug by the side table, grabbing my car keys and heading out.

Arriving at the hospital, I sign in and head towards your room.

My eyes widen when I hear shouting. As I'm about to open the door, your dad storms out, face red from shouting.

He almost bumps into me but quickly looks up, startled. "Oh Evangeline, I didn't know you were stopping by."

"Is everything ok? I heard shouting," I question, shuffling my feet.

Mr. Anderson sighs, "Just, can you maybe try to talk some sense into him? Please. He's not in the right mindspace."

"What do you me-"

"I'm sorry. I have to go." He cuts me off, frantically reaching for his phone.

Confused, I enter your room only to be met with a wide smile. So wide that your dimples are showing.

I for sure thought you'd be looking like your dad, frustrated and angry. "Eva!" You smile, stretching out your arms as if motioning for me to come closer.

I do so and try to not pay attention to the nurse that is inserting an IV into your left arm. I get queasy with all of this. You seem to notice, as you grip my hand in yours, rubbing your thumb over the backside.

I lean over and place a kiss on your cheek.

"Hold up," My brows crease in confusion at your statement.

"What?"

"Are you not wearing a shirt under that damn flannel?" You question, smirking slightly. I don't say anything, only bite my lip a bit.