As soon as Dobby said goodbye to his children and husband, he apparated away. In transit he met Kreacher, muttering about Harry Potter. Furious at the names he was calling the Great Harry Potter, Dobby tackled him, and he arrived punching him with his tiny fists.
"Stop! Stop! Kreacher, I forbid you to fight Dobby. Dobby- well, I can't order you..."
Dobby felt tears well up in his eyes. The Great Harry Potter was addressing him as and equal! Even after four years, Dobby hadn't gotten used to it. "Dobby will obey Harry Potter! Harry Potter set him free!" Dobby hadn't forgotten how he looked the first time he saw Harry Potter. His emerald green eyes, his curly black hair, his long, long... legs. Dobby quickly shook himself out of it. He was a married man. He had to have a married man's mind.
"I need you to follow Draco Malfoy and see where he's going, okay?"
Dobby piped up. "Is it because you're in love with Draco Malfoy? Do you want pictures?"
Harry Potter turned bright red. "N-no. I-I'm not obsessed- I mean, in love with him. Besides, I have a new love now." He looked to the corner of the room and rose up into the air. An invisible spotlight lit up his face and he went into a tap routine. He began to sing with a great, operatic voice:
You're tall and fun and skinny
You're really, really pretty
Ginny
I'm the Mickey to your Minnie
You're the Tigger to my Winnie
Ginny!
You're hotter than Laura Linney
Wanna take you out to dinney
Ginny!
You're cuter than a guinea pig
Wanna take you up to Winnipeg
That's in Canada
Ginny, Ginny, Ginny...
(all rights go to Team StarKid)
With a final flourish, he faded out and floated back down to the ground. Dobby clapped as hard as he could, but Kreature looked unamused. Harry Potter cleared his throat. "You can go now, Kreature. I want a word with you before you go, Dobby." Dobby swelled with pride, then forced it back down. He internally punished himself. His schoolboy crush on Harry Potter was over. He was married now, he had other responsibilities. "Dobby, I- I can't say everything I want to in words so..." Before Dobby could react, Harry Potter leaned in and kissed Dobby straight on the lips. At first, Dobby felt himself melt into it, but it was wrong, very wrong. It was nothing like the Sorting Hat's velvety lips. Harry Potter's were chapped and swollen, and he just wasn't a very good kisser. Dobby pulled away quickly, feeling very dirty.
"Dobby? What's wrong? I thought you liked me!"
"Like you, sure..." Dobby squeaked, trying to get his voice back. "But Dobby is a married man now. Dobby has kids! Dobby can't be in love with Harry Potter!"
Harry Potter frowned. "You have kids with the Sorting Hat? How does that even work?"
"the Sorting Hat works in mysterious ways, Harry Potter," Dobby giggled. "But Dobby must be getting back to his task. Dobby is late!" Dobby began to run away, but Harry Potter caught his arm.
"Dobby?" he said slowly.
"Yes?"
"Please , if you could, don't tell anyone about this. Especially Ginny. And Draco." Dobby nodded.
"Of course, Harry Potter. May I make a request in return?" Harry Potter nodded, looking slightly surprised. "Please don't ever, ever, do that again." Dobby strutted away without looking back, like his role model, Beyonce, and snapped sassily as he apparated away.
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Happy two year anniversary to this monstrosity, everyone! I had to dig deep in the archives to find this beauty. Thank you for reading, even though I question your sanity every time someone comments.
