Lost and Broken

I Have A Disease

I have a disease, a sickness. It's not the kind that you think, it's different. You might not think it's a disease, but it is.
Depression.
I don't understand myself.
I don't know why I'm crying.
I can't stop the thoughts.
It's too quiet here.
I lie to myself.
The worst part is, I have no idea what to do about it.
We visited home, that helped.
We moved from our dark, miserable house, that helped.
But it was all just a postponement for what will eventually happen. I'll fall.
But I'll get back up
With help.
And life will go back to normal.
But will this always be a problem?
Will I always have my disease?
Following me everywhere I go?
Or will it leave? Can it be defeated?
I lose myself in my imagination, telling me that it's not real, the disease isn't there. But it is. It's still there. Lingering in the darkness, waiting for an opening to tear into my heart, my spirit, my being. And when it does, it will be defeated.
I know it's leader, have even talked to him before. Well, more like yelled at him.
His name was Lucifer, a beautiful name ruined by shadows and darkness within his heart. And then, it changed to something completely different.
Satan.
Doesn't seem like such a terrible name when you think of it. But it always causes faces of disgust and a fear of sorts, when heard.
Yet, here I am, waiting for the fall. Waiting to break, so that I can learn, grow from it, and rebuild. All with the help of the one who stopped it the first time.
The thing that baffles me is, it didn't appear first, until we moved here. It didn't show it's ugly face until I left my home.
The transition did not go well, it broke me, tore me apart. And now it's all threatening to happen again. Life wants to break me, fix me, and break me again. But I won't let it. I'll learn from my mistakes, I'll make this sickness, this disease, able to be defeated. I'll tear it apart. I'll bring it down. But this time, it won't get back up. It will stay in the dirt, in it's grave. Forever.
But only with the help of the one who stopped it the first time.