HE LOVED ME IN THE DARK

        It seemed to me that my life for many years had no purpose.  I felt as though nobody loved me or gave a fuck about what happened to me.  My life was meaningless.  I used to as myself everyday, why am I here?  I tried to take my life so many times,  I'm wondering why I'm still here.  There is a purpose, I just haven't discovered it yet.  Maybe my readers can  So here goes!

        For many years I lived in the dark.  In a room with invisible walls.  I couldn't help but notice they were there because they constantly suffocated me.  Nothing but low, cynical, husky voices in my ear.  Nothing but dry, cold, snake-like hands, crawling all over my skin.  Heartless, beady, disgusted eyes scanning my body.  Flared nostrils to a scent I carry to this day.  Nothing but endless baths of unclean water, no matter how hard I scrubbed, no matter how long I sat, I just could not get the scum, shame, and scent off of me.  It was in my pours.  Their scent became my scent.

        Many hours of laying on my back for men I thought I loved.  Emotionless, forced love, where only one beat.  Slowly.  Over time I realized that it was always my own heartbeat.  Dying.  Beating once per day just to stay alive.  A feeling of being  Quasimodo.

 (Quasimodo is where a man shows how much he loves you when yu two are alone.  He will kiss you and touch you, and make you feel special and beautiful.  But, when you're in public, around other people, you don't exist.  He will treat you like shit.  He doesn't make eye contact, and he shoos you away.  All along making you want to run to that one window tower and watch from the shadows, while he treats other women the way he treats you in the dark.  The only difference is, he's not ashamed of her, because she fits the physical requirements to rightfully hang on his arm in public.)

        I soon realized I didn't need anyone to tell me how beautfull and smart I was.  I no longer cared if people didnt like what I had to say.  I wasn't going to keep living in the shadows.

        Since I was a child, I've been told to keep secrets, and to keep my mouth closed.  I had to keep everythng n the dark.

        I can't hold it in any longer! I am a brewing volcano.  I had to create my own light and show other girls and women, who has had a life like mine, that what's done in the dark will surely come to light.

        I should have died so many times in my life, but I AM STILL HERE!  And if you tell me God doesn't have a plan for me, well then you will just have to read my story and decide for yourself!

READ 

VOTE

COMMENT

SHARE