HE LOVED ME IN THE DARK

FRIENDS OR FOES?

        My dad always kept a lot of male friends around.  There was a playground right across the street from our house, you could see everything from our front porch.  My dad and his friends loved playing basketball, and they took their games very seriously, and talked a bunch of shit.  He also had a lot of cute friends that I had a little girl crush on, but they were all major players.  His main friends were Eric, Peewee, Dushawn a.k.a. Duke, and Melvin.  They were cool and at our house everyday chilling and eating up all our food.  All of them had a bunch of girlfriends and I remember thinking, I couldn't wait to get older so I could date one of them.  There is more to the story about these gentlemen, I just wanted to introduce them because they were around when Pat was living with us.  I'll get back to them in a later chapter.

        When I was in Kindergarden, Peewee and Eric used to walk to our house and walk me next door to school.  I thought I was lucky because all of the kids in my class knew who Peewee and Eric was, and I got to walk into class with the both of them holding my hands.  Everyday Peewee would take his basketball hat  off his head and put it on mine while we were walking, and I would smile because all the kids got to see him take it off my head and put it back on his.  So corny, I know right, but it made me feel special, and popular for just one second.

        They were so funny and crazy, and when they got drunk they would party.  When the Detroit Pistons won the NBA Championship in 88-89, they went crazy.  They jumped in my dad's car about six deep, with my dad's old ass sawed off shot gun.  They were so drunk they were hanging out the car windows, on top of the roof of the car, screaming and shooting their guns, it was too funny.

        Soon after, my parents started going to cosmetology school in the day, and worked at night.  In the mornings, since I was so young, my parents had to take me to my grandparents house.  My dad's younger brother, Conley, was in charge of watching us.  He was still in high school at the time.

        Let me stop right here for a moment, and explain a little bit about my father's side of the family.  First, he had a lot of siblings as well.  My grandmother, Maggie, his mom, was married to grandpa Fisher, and together they bore, my uncle Leo, auntie Rosetta (Peaches), my dad, Larry, auntie Robin, and auntie Regina.  My grandfather passed away before any of his grandchildren were born.  It was also a fact that Maggie used to be a mean drunk when my dad and his siblings were younger.  When we were growing up, we only knew her to be a sweet, old, nice, church going lady, who always gave each of her grandkids $10 every year on their birthday.

        Then Maggie remarried to grandpa Badie.  To me, grand daddy Badie was a pervert.  By me being abused at an early age, I knew when older men were being inappropriate with me.  He was always extra touchy, feely with the kids as well.  He would always walk by and sit on our laps, for fun I guess, or he would see us walking by and pull us down on his lap.

  Together they bore, uncle Anton, uncle Devette (Prince), auntie DeAnn (who I was named after), uncle Conley (Big Daddy), and uncle Travis.

        It was always a known fact to us that Maggie treated the Fisher kids different than she did the Badie kids. I always felt it was favortism, she even treated the Badie grandkids better than she did the Fisher grandchildren.  Anyway, I'll get back to this selfish, mean, cruel, lady in a bit.

        My dad's youngest brother, Conley, was in charge of watching us.  He was still in high school at the time.  Big Daddy was everyone's favorite uncle.  For one, he was young, he was cute and popular, funny, had long pretty hair, that he kept in fresh Jerry Curls.  His nickname to us was Big Daddy.  It actually came from him, that's what he made us call him, nobody called him uncle Conley.  None of us minded calling him Big Daddy, because we all looked up to him.

        Since Big Daddy was my favorite uncle, I confided in him about Pat.  Since my parents never believed me, I told him.  He always told us we could tell him anything, and he would never tell our parents, it would be just between him and the person who held the secret at the time.

        I told Big Daddy everything Pat was doing to me, and how long it had been going on.  My uncle seemed upset at the time, but expressed his anger in a different way.  Big Daddy took me into his bedroom, that he shared with my other uncle Travis, who was younger than Big Daddy.  He started asking me questions about the abuse.  Like, where did he touch me?  What did he say?  Where did he fuck me?  Where were my parents while this was happening?

        He promised to convince my dad that I was indeed telling the truth.  In order for Big Daddy to make my dad believe me, I had to do some things with him.  Big Daddy said if I did it with him, he would stop Pat from doing it to me, he even claimed that he would beat him up.

        As a child, I thought, yeah, Pat is finally going to get his, and it was a big deal to me, because I wanted him to feel the same pain that he was inflicting upon me.  For months, I waited for my uncle to rescue me, to make my dad believe me, and to whoop Pat's ass like he promised me he would.  The only thing that ever happened, was the continued abuse by the hands of Big Daddy.  I really became an empty shell after that.  I didn't feel so lonely during the abuse with Big Daddy, because he molested amost all the little girls in our family.

        It was me, my sister Kanitha, and my cousins, Tamaron, and Raynell, and a few others are suspected to have been raped as well.  Even though none of us girls talked about the abuse at the time, we all knew it was happening too each other, but the only person that ever tried to tell, was me.  The girls must have saw how everyone else treated me after I told, so no one tried to even step up and say they were being molested also.  So once again, I was on my own.

        A few more years had past.  Pat was still living with us, and even though I was in school, and didn't have to go to my grandparents house as much anymore, Big Daddy still got a hold of me whenever he could.  I remember one time he came over to our house, and Pat was there.  I don't remember if I ever told Pat what my uncle was doing to me, but it seems as though that day, they were fighting over who was going to get to fuck with me.  Even though it wasn't a real fight, I could tell something was off, every time Pat called me to do something, which was code to meet him in our hiding spot.

        I was sitting near my uncle, and I told him what Pat was going to do to me if I did not do what he asked.  So my uncle told Pat that he already told me to do something.  I could tell the look on Pat's face was anger.  I think he sensed that I told my uncle about him.

        Up until that day, Pat would usually just touch me for hours, or make me suck his little shiveled up penis, or rub his nasty dick on my virgin body until white liquid came out.  But, after he found out I told my uncle, he started penetrating me thereafter.  It was awful, but what could I say?  NOTHING!  Who could I tell?  NOBODY!

        I began to think the shit was okay, because all of the adults in my family never made a fuss about it when I told.  I thought it was supposed to happen, or it was natural.  I began to give in and just pretend to like it.

        When I was in first grade, Pat some how got a job at my school, Stephens.  I think he either cleaned up, or monitored classrooms when a teacher had to step out.  It was horrible that I had to be raped everyday at home, then have my rapist follow me to school everyday.  I had no refuge anywhere anymore.