Aftermath

24

Shiloh

I felt betrayed , hurt, anger, and disappointment. I know I made some mistakes but I didn't know she wanted me dead. How could the girl of my dreams want me dead?

I watched her twist and turn in her sleep. Her beautiful face twisted because of the nightmares. I wanted to hold her... to love her but can we come back from this? Can I lie next to her when I know she wants me dead?

Lost in my thoughts, I began to run my fingers through my slightly fuzzy fro. I haven't had time to take care of myself. Couldn't get a hair cut without thinking Rodney would use the clippers to kill me. I began to pace slightly in the unmarked hotel room. Dreading about what I had to do next. Dreading about dealing with reality, when did my life become so complicated?

I've been living in and out of hotel rooms because of my father. As long as he's alive, I am not safe.

"Shiloh." Her once melodic voice began to crack as she called my name.

I didn't have the time or patience to comfort her. I only had one question.

"Why shawty? Why the fuck would you do that to me!?" I asked my voice rising at an alarming level while pointing at my chest.

"You don't understand."

"I don't understand what!? Why the fuck would you do that to me! To me Mea Mea."

I got in her face so she can see I was dead serious. She was terrified and it broke my heart.

I couldn't keep up the facade. My world was crashing and my heart was truly broken. My voice wavered as I continue, so I just did the only thing I could do.

Stare into space.

"Shiloh."

"Why!?"

"I'm-"

"Why me?"

"Listen-"

"What the fuck do you-"

"I'm pregnant! I'm fucking pregnant and he threatened my baby!"

To say I was shocked was a understatement.

"You're what? Nah that's...what?"

"We're having a baby."

"I'm going to be a father?"-

She nodded slowly.

Fuck.

Me? A father?

No I wouldn't.

What if I -

Am I even capable of love?

"Say something Shiloh you're scaring me."

"Why didn't you tell me he threatened my Fucking child!?"

"I don't know. I don't even know what to do with this information. I am not ready for a kid, how am I suppose to take care of it when I can't take care of myself?"

"Fuck Mea Mea I don't know what to do either."

This was the time when I wished that we had our parents. We're just kids, we have bad habits and make bad decisions. Can we possibly take care of a child? An infant.

Looking down at my hands I can see them shaking with nerves. The silence was agonizing. I wreck my brain to come up with something that can save us both. Something big, something that can have us set for life.

Looking into Meadow beautiful green eyes I could see the fresh tears forming.

"Come here shawty."

I could tell by her body language that she thought I hated her. She would look down when I caught her eye and her lip slightly quiver like she was going to cry.

I wrapped her in my arms, holding her tightly. Running my hands through her hair.

"It's okay I'm here. You hear me? It's me and you."

I could feel her body rock, her cries were loud and her body gave in. She was exhausted and pessimistic.

"I think we either run far away or get Rodney locked up for life."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Something big and if we're going to pull it off we need Dijon. All hands on deck."