Aftermath

27

Meadow

When I got inside of Shiloh's car the dry heaves started, I couldn't breathe as my throat tightened from my salty tears. My breath was stolen from me.
I felt truly and utterly alone and I didn't know how to handle it. Subconsciously I began to rub my belly. How did it get to this? I know Shiloh and I aren't perfect but why did he go to someone else when I was here. When I was begging him to love me. I begun to scream, hitting the steering wheel.

"WHY NOT ME!?"

I can't believe He went to someone else. After everything? After we made love?

I started to think of all the memories I can make with my baby. But Then the memories of me losing my family rushed back. I could still hear the gasp that left my mother lips, I could feel her dying in my arms, her nails digging into my skin begging me not to let her go. I closed my eyes to swat the memories away but when I did I saw my grandmother eyes.

I saw the tubes, the machines, the people. I tried to shake the bad memories away but they came faster and faster. I saw the life leaving her eyes, I saw Shiloh making love to a stranger.

"NO!"

I could feel the bile fighting to make its debut. I rushed out of the car, throwing up everything I ate. falling to my knees.

"Dow please come back inside."

I looked into his almond shape eyes and saw the storm that brewed beneath them. I use to think he was so perfect but now all I see is a coward. I looked down no longer being able to look at him the same.

"I need to get rid of this baby."

"No you don't just come back inside with me baby."

"Why? So you can hurt me. So you can tell me how your hands caress her body while I laid in your bed yearning for you."

"Meadow-"

"So you can tell me that you love me but I wasn't enough for you!" I was no longer looking down, I stared right into his eyes so he can know that I was dead serious.

"I don't want something that reminds me of you, I'll only grow to resent it."

With that said I got up to go back to the car. I was going to go through with it, rather he liked it or not. Well that was my intention until I felt his burly hands wrap around my waist lifting me off the ground. I yelped as he caught me off guard.

"I can't let you do that Dow."

My attempt to lash out failed. I felt my body grow tired quickly as I kicked and screamed for him to let me go.

When I had no more energy left, Shiloh carried me inside of his home. When he closed the door he put me gently on the couch. I balled up into the fetal position while he sat beside me running his hands through my thick curls.

I cried, I noticed that I been doing that a lot lately but I didn't care, so I cried harder. I cried for me, my unborn child, my grandmother and even Hazel. I cried until my throat was dry, until my face was soaked with my tears, I cried until I was numb. If only I could take the pain away, if only they had a cure for a broken heart. I felt like I was dying and there was nothing anyone can do about it. Not even Shiloh since he was the cause.

My voice cracked as I spoke but I kept going.

"You know when I felt like my world was ending I always could count on you to save me, to take the pain away."

I looked up to see a ghost of a smile on his face.

"But... I can't count on you to save me anymore; I have to save myself since your the reason why I'm in my own personal hell."

"Dow-"

"Please shut up."

I sat up to face him, wrapping my arms around myself and took a long deep breath before continuing.

"I know I thought of this before Shiloh but you honestly broke me. I thought I was broken before but you took my heart, broke it into a thousand pieces and pissed on it. You pissed on it and our unborn child. I thought you would be here for us but you only reminded me that I was being naive and stupid-"

"Dow you're not-"

"Let me fucking finish!"

"You made me realize that I have no one, that I was absolutely alone no matter how much I love you. Because when my mind, my body and soul ached for your touch you was in the arms of another. I cried out for you and you weren't there. I was so damn stupid thinking you could love me but I know now that you never will."

"Dow I'm sorry."

"No you're not babe."

"I am, I swear!"

"Then Tell me Shiloh. Who is she? Do I know her?"

He nodded his head.

My heart beat quickened. I wiped my now sweaty hands on my jeans.

"Am I friends with her?"

I was confused when I saw the tears form in his eyes. He nodded once more.

I could hear my ears pop and my throat tighten once again. I felt dizzy and lightheaded.

"Who... who is she?"

I waited with baited breath as He cleared his throat before saying.

"Tara"

Before I knew it my head was meeting the ground as my body collapse to the floor. Whatever me and Shiloh had was over and after I paid a visit to Tara and the doctors there would be no more memories of either of them. Shiloh, Tara, and my unborn child.