Complicated Love

Ciel's Prov.

Thoughts begin to rush into my mind rapidly as my alarm clock pulls me out of sleep. I don't know when these dreams first started plaguing my mind, but now I can't get them out of my head. The things I did and the things that were done to me where horrifying. I can't help but wonder if they are really just dreams, or if they are memories.

The things that have me the most confused are my thoughts about, my now bestfriend, Alois Trancy. In my dreams we seem to have a loathing hatred of each other for the majority of the time knowing each other. But then I could feel as my past self started feeling different and appearing like he hated him more.

Even now my feelings are not the best, I simply suck at showing them and I myself have no real understanding of them. Life has not been kind to me in this life, much like my previous one. My parents are dead, murdered for that matter, though I was much older this time. I am 16, living on my own with funds from my parents, though I have moved into a much smaller residence.

I sit up in bed, turning off the alarm and think about last nights dream. It had been different than the rest, a lot more vivid, a lot more realistic than the rest, but if that was real, they rest had to be. My confession to Alois, after kissing him just moments before, came with a price, my death.

'Maybe if I hadn't told him, I wouldn't have died like that' I think to myself. My mind keeps on shifting to Alois, 'what did he do after I died?'

I wanted to know that more than anything, and if he was alright. I felt fear go through me as I thought of everything my slightly unstable bestfriend could possibly be doing at this very moment.

I quickly got up and looked in my closet for something to wear. I decided on putting on my signature black skinny jeans with a white shirt and black leather jacket.

I think this matches my eyepatch well. Which I wore, not because of a contract symbol, but because I am really missing an eye. That was all my parents murderer managed to do to me before I stabbed the guy in the chest, it is what kept me out of jail.

I grab my bag and make my way out of my house, earlier than I would normally leave, to go meet Alois by his house, which happened to be up the street from mine. I kept that in mind when I decided to move, although finding a house in this area was luck, people don't usually move out of this area.

The wind made me shiver as I made my way to his house. It was November and I had just bought Alois a present for his birthday yesterday. He may be childish, but he would be 17 in the next few days.

As I get closer to Alois's house I notice him on the stairs in nothing but his bright green half shirt and black booty shorts, he looked like a mess.

"Alois!?" I quickly run up to him, "why are you not in warmer clothes, did you not even think to put shoes on?" I ask him like a worried parent.

"C-Ciel?" he hugs me tightly and just cries, this is not normal for the blonde. He knows that I'm not fond of such things and normally doesn't do things such as this.

He whispers in my ear, "Promise you won't leave, not like everyone else..."

Alois lives alone, much like I do, his life has not been very easy. He lost his parents long before I lost mine. Then him and his brother were kicked to the streets by his foster parents, who lived in the woods, and his brother got sick and died of hypothermia and pneumonia about two days before Alois was able to get them to the city. He has lived in this foster home for as long as I have known him.

They give him whatever he pleases as long as he stays out of their hair, which is better than abuse or kicking him out, I guess. Anybody that doesn't know him personally just thinks he is a spoiled rich kid, but he is much more than that. I think I might even actually still love the blonde boy, he means a lot to me.

"I promise, I'm not going anywhere" I hold him close to me. I like the feeling of having him so close to me. He is much taller than me, due to me being short, but I feel like we fit together perfectly.

I shake off the thought out of my mind and look up at him, "Let's go get you dressed properly" I smile slightly and he nods.

We walk into his house and go into his room. I grab his black undershirt and toss it to him and open one of his drawers to get a pair of his thigh high socks, "why are you only half dressed anyway?" I ask him as I get his knee high boots. His whole outfit screams gay, which was why I wasn't surprised when he told me he was about two years ago.

"I just really needed to see you, I guess, didn't realize it was so cold outside" he admits. He hates the cold, more than I hate fire, It was understandable, as I did not carry my dead parents to town as he did his brother.

Kids don't fully understand the concept of death, I think a part of Alois wishes that his childish delusions of his past were true. If they were then his brother would still be alive today.

"Understandable, but next time be more careful" I go over to him as he gets his boots on. I touch his cheek before rapping a purple scarf around his neck, "dress warm" I smile and hand him his thick brown jacket that had fur along hood.

He giggles and kisses my cheek, "Will do, Phantomhive"

I turn away, my cheeks turning red as they always do when he does that. I understand why I feel this way now, it's because I am in love with him, but much like my past self, I refuse to admit it.

This will always be a very complicated love.